|
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 254
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 254 |
Thanks! I let her know and she said she would check her email.
Me (BW, 40), WH (42) Married 18 yrs (together 24) 2 sons: 3 and 5
PA OW#1: 11/10/10 - 11/12/10 on business trip Became EA: 11/13/11 (OW#1 2,000 miles away) D-Day: 11/18/10 Confronted: 11/20/10 Kicked him out: 12/15/10 Plan A: 01/08/11 PA OW#2 started: 04/02/11 D-DAY OW#2: 04/11/11 Plan B: 04/11/11
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Just answered a second email. Everything is just fine! Relax!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 254
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 254 |
I'm trying. (But I'm still stressing. If it weren't for my kids, he wouldn't have any way to push my buttons and he knows it.)
Me (BW, 40), WH (42) Married 18 yrs (together 24) 2 sons: 3 and 5
PA OW#1: 11/10/10 - 11/12/10 on business trip Became EA: 11/13/11 (OW#1 2,000 miles away) D-Day: 11/18/10 Confronted: 11/20/10 Kicked him out: 12/15/10 Plan A: 01/08/11 PA OW#2 started: 04/02/11 D-DAY OW#2: 04/11/11 Plan B: 04/11/11
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Look, there is nothing going on here except a whole load of hot air to see if he can bully himself back in control. He is testing you. Your sincere offer to make the kids available to him has been reiterated politely and respectfully. If he wants to see his children he knows what to do. Its real simple.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 254
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 254 |
Yeah, that's pretty much what my lawyer told me. The kids are with me, I have always been their primary caregiver, they are in the family home, he's the one who left, etc. Since right now we have no legal custody agreement, if he wants to see them, he has to play ball or else go to court.
Question. We have that Google co-parenting calendar that we share which lists all his visitation, among other kid-related things. Should I go ahead and remove all his future visits for now to make a point? Or should I just ignore it and leave it be and not antagonize him?
Also, he is "supposed" to have a dinner visit on Wednesday. At least, that's the usual schedule. (It wasn't an issue last week because he was out of town.) I'm a little worried he will just go to daycare and pick them up before I can get to them. Should I worry about this and plan a strategy now? I hate to be caught off guard and not know what to do (especially because my laptop has been really uncooperative recently).
Me (BW, 40), WH (42) Married 18 yrs (together 24) 2 sons: 3 and 5
PA OW#1: 11/10/10 - 11/12/10 on business trip Became EA: 11/13/11 (OW#1 2,000 miles away) D-Day: 11/18/10 Confronted: 11/20/10 Kicked him out: 12/15/10 Plan A: 01/08/11 PA OW#2 started: 04/02/11 D-DAY OW#2: 04/11/11 Plan B: 04/11/11
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 254
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 254 |
Me (BW, 40), WH (42) Married 18 yrs (together 24) 2 sons: 3 and 5
PA OW#1: 11/10/10 - 11/12/10 on business trip Became EA: 11/13/11 (OW#1 2,000 miles away) D-Day: 11/18/10 Confronted: 11/20/10 Kicked him out: 12/15/10 Plan A: 01/08/11 PA OW#2 started: 04/02/11 D-DAY OW#2: 04/11/11 Plan B: 04/11/11
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 835
Member
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 835 |
Mel, are you Hya's IM? If so, I cannot describe how I respecct you for that. Your hair must be about 6 feet tall by now, lady. Thanks in general. You're a peach.
Hyacinth, you are in very good hands.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 254
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 254 |
One strategy I did already put in place is that I asked our tenant to drop the key to the other house off at his office at noon on Wednesday. I'm hoping that the idea of getting into the house has him so worked up that he gets distracted from the idea of doing any cloak-and-dagger visitation grab. And then when he does go to the house, wow! That's going to be a reality check for him.
Me (BW, 40), WH (42) Married 18 yrs (together 24) 2 sons: 3 and 5
PA OW#1: 11/10/10 - 11/12/10 on business trip Became EA: 11/13/11 (OW#1 2,000 miles away) D-Day: 11/18/10 Confronted: 11/20/10 Kicked him out: 12/15/10 Plan A: 01/08/11 PA OW#2 started: 04/02/11 D-DAY OW#2: 04/11/11 Plan B: 04/11/11
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 835
Member
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 835 |
I say ignore it and let him make the effort...however...you are in better hands than mine.
God speed to you.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Question. We have that Google co-parenting calendar that we share which lists all his visitation, among other kid-related things. Should I go ahead and remove all his future visits for now to make a point? Or should I just ignore it and leave it be and not antagonize him?
Also, he is "supposed" to have a dinner visit on Wednesday. At least, that's the usual schedule. (It wasn't an issue last week because he was out of town.) I'm a little worried he will just go to daycare and pick them up before I can get to them. Should I worry about this and plan a strategy now? I hate to be caught off guard and not know what to do (especially because my laptop has been really uncooperative recently). I would not remove anything from the calendar. If he picks up the kids from daycare and exposes them to the OW then I would not let that happen again. Maybe he will get the idea and this issue will be resolved. Surfer, thanks for the vote of confidence but I am not her IM. Scotland and I are working with her IM, though.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 8,240
Member
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 8,240 |
How can you get a legal arrangement done so you don't have to worry about this every Wednesday? The stress won't be good for you.
I think that you should talk to the lawyer and find out if it will hurt your custody case if you keep your children away from OW.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Scotland, she has already discussed this with an attorney and she is just fine. She is not keeping her children away from him. She has made it very clear that they are available to him......just as long as they are not exposed to his affair. It is his choice.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 1,254
Member
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 1,254 |
I agree w/Mel. The kids are fine with seeing a dad, but NOT AN AFFAIR (and that would include the other woman skank).
Change happens by listening and then starting a dialogue with the people who are doing something you don't believe is right. ~Jane Goodall
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
It comes down to a choice between some skank and his kids. He can take his pick.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 1,254
Member
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 1,254 |
Amen! And we WANT HIM to have to agonize over this. Makes trouble for the affair. Also might make him have to have a come to Jesus moment too. (hopefully).
You want to make as much trouble for the affair. And you can do it from afar too! Again, all waywards DREAM of having this bizarre divorce scenario where they are "friends" with the bw/bh and that the bs accepts the affair partner and they all have sunday brunch together and the hoard of kids from the skankyho and your kids play croquet on the lawn together.
Butterflies, rainbows and unicorns are also scampering about too!
Did you know that's the goal of every wayward? THAT is their distorted goal. It's to be absolved of all guilt! To never have a nagging conscience. To delude themselves into thinking it was ok to be beyond selfish.
But even then, someday it will catch up with the wayward. They will begin secretly self-loathing themselves, and will hate their very own actions. I know this for a fact 100% as my xwh felt that way and could do nothing about it after our point of no return (when he married the wistress).
Change happens by listening and then starting a dialogue with the people who are doing something you don't believe is right. ~Jane Goodall
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 254
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 254 |
What gets me is that his visits with our boys are supposed to be about them seeing their dad. He is managing to make it all about himself. And he want to add someone to the mix that is just going to draw his focus away from them. Someone who I can just about guarantee won't be around in 6 months. (Unless he makes some classy, intelligent move like knocking her up.) This man has been through three women since November (including me). He could at least offer them a sense of security and stability in the midst of this mess he's made.
Last edited by Hyacinth; 05/23/11 09:56 PM. Reason: Stupid phone keyboard autocorrect typo
Me (BW, 40), WH (42) Married 18 yrs (together 24) 2 sons: 3 and 5
PA OW#1: 11/10/10 - 11/12/10 on business trip Became EA: 11/13/11 (OW#1 2,000 miles away) D-Day: 11/18/10 Confronted: 11/20/10 Kicked him out: 12/15/10 Plan A: 01/08/11 PA OW#2 started: 04/02/11 D-DAY OW#2: 04/11/11 Plan B: 04/11/11
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 8,240
Member
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 8,240 |
I wasn't implying that what Hyacinth was doing is wrong, I just wanted to make sure that she was covered legally. If you(Hyacinth) have already discussed this with your attorney, and you are in the clear, legally, I say stick to your guns. I only wish this option was available in my sitch. You're doing great Hyacinth.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 254
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 254 |
My IM just said his response to my response was "thanks."
Me (BW, 40), WH (42) Married 18 yrs (together 24) 2 sons: 3 and 5
PA OW#1: 11/10/10 - 11/12/10 on business trip Became EA: 11/13/11 (OW#1 2,000 miles away) D-Day: 11/18/10 Confronted: 11/20/10 Kicked him out: 12/15/10 Plan A: 01/08/11 PA OW#2 started: 04/02/11 D-DAY OW#2: 04/11/11 Plan B: 04/11/11
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
What gets me is that his visits with our boys are supposed to be about them seeing their dad. He is managing to make it all about himself. And he want to add someone to the mix that is just going to draw his focus away from them. Someone who I can just about guarantee won't be around in 6 months. (Unless he makes some classy, intelligent move like knocking her up.) This man has been through three women since November (including me). He could at least offer them a sense of security and stability in the midst of this mess he's made. And why would he want to teach your kids that wrong is right? That is the last thing they need right now. Your 5 year old is confused enough!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 691
Member
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 691 |
He's behaving in a very weird, unpredictable pattern of hostility and cooperation. Is this normal for Plan B? I've been reading through your whole thread, I can't finish tonight, but yeah I think this is what I am experiencing in Plan B too. I really related to a lot of your initial feelings of him having a ripe old good time with his new single life.
Married 1/2000. D-Day 3/7/11. WH moved in with OW and they married in 2013. Single mom of 4.
|
|
|
Moderated by Ariel, BerlinMB, Denali, Fordude, IrishGreen, MBeliever, MBsurvivor, MBSync, McLovin, Mizar, PhoenixMB, Toujours
0 members (),
140
guests, and
63
robots. |
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
|