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Joined: Feb 2011
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SusieQ, yes she does know I feel. We have both read the articles pertaining to SF on the website.


BH (Me)-30
FWW (BostonLover)-29
Married 7/2004
D-Day 14&16 Feb, 2011
Starting Recovery
Joined: Feb 2011
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Wow, just looking back, the HNHN course should be mandatory before getting married. What a wonderful difference it's made in our relationship in just almost two months. So thankful for it and my wife.

Just a side note, I go get my CPAP machine on Wednesday, and the wife is going in for a sleep study tomorrow night. What a sight it will be at night with both of us hooked up to machines lol!


BH (Me)-30
FWW (BostonLover)-29
Married 7/2004
D-Day 14&16 Feb, 2011
Starting Recovery
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OMG! Got a call from the wife to come home early from work. We got two pink lines on a pregnancy test! I am the happiest man in the world right now. Considering all the troubles we had before getting pregnant this is the second happiest day of my life (First is marrying my wife). Early on when we started recovery, I predicted something like this would happen, and I am so glad it did!!! Can't lose sight of recovery though, gotta keep working it!


BH (Me)-30
FWW (BostonLover)-29
Married 7/2004
D-Day 14&16 Feb, 2011
Starting Recovery
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hurray

Congrats, nelson & BostonLover!!!


Ddays 2007 and 2011
Plan B 6/21/11
Divorced July 2012
2 kids
How to Plan B Correctly
Parallel Parenting in Plan B
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Just an update.

That pregnancy didn't "stick", and that has been very hard on both of us. Can't afford IVF right now so we're just in kind of a limbo in regards to that.

Relationship wise things have been going great. We talk, do a lot of activities together, making good progress on working on the house, and just spend time together which has been awesome. Recently her uncle died from his battle with cancer, and her father is in the hospital from stroke-like symptoms but not a stroke. We are going to try to move him out to an assisted living type place out by us which I think would be good for him and for my wife. With all of that combined and the frustrations over not being able to get pregnant and stress at work has had an emotional impact on her. I am there to support her in every way I am able to. However, I am feeling increasing frustration over the lack of SF. We've had sex maybe 3 times since D-Day. Am I just being selfish and not trying hard enough to look at it from her perspective that with all of that going on, that would be the last thing she'd want to do? I want to be supportive in these hard times and not push the issue, but it is very hard with a high drive. Any advice from someone who may have been in a similar situation would be appreciated. Heck, any advice would be appreciated. lol


BH (Me)-30
FWW (BostonLover)-29
Married 7/2004
D-Day 14&16 Feb, 2011
Starting Recovery
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I read your thread and I am now replying to other BH as I think 3 months after my dday, I feel comfortable in my thoughts as things emotionally have leveled out. Never thought it could happen, but it has. Still have moments but there way less frequent but the key was and is today, my FWW is onboard with all the program requirements.

One of the things I made her know early on is the sex part of her A was driving me nuts because during her A (which by the way went on for anywhere from 5-7 years) I complained heavily about her lack of desire in our bed. It was pulling teeth and generally for lack of better word and to put some hurt in her, when she did give in to me Id refer to it as a "mercy f". So this was a relatvie constant issue in our marriage which I chalked up to her low sex drive which she says today didnt exactly go thru the roof with OM, but nonetheless, having intercourse with another guy ONCE makes her excuses moot.

I kind of thought remorseful and gulity WW throwing themselves sexually at BHs is typical upon dday. So to hear your SF issues surprise me. In the info gathering stage after dday, I persued questions like the numbers of sex encounters and where, when, and how because to me their emotional relationship was a big pile of BS, it was the sex that drove me crazy. The first week after dday was an extraodinary display of make up sessions. And now 3 months later is hasnt changed a bit, its gotten better. Not boasting, just surprises me a caught cheating and remorseful wife I thought would stand on her head to compensate you in that arena.

I tell my wife all the time that our togetherness in bed and out is helping me put what she did and the hurt further away. The program calls for romance to be increased, alone time, and conversation. We flirt, we talk, we text, we touch, we kiss, we walk, and we do a ton of things before dday were not part of our life.

I told my wife who clearly spent more time sexually with OM than me during the A that I need to make up for lost time. I told her I have 5 to 7 years of intimacy to make me feel like she's mine. I got advice from a buddy who himself was a WH and is 2 years after his dday, that as BH we are in charge of many things. We control a lot at this point. You make it clear to her your recovery requires more intimacy. You 2 are young and should be enjoying this part of your relationship now that the A is in the past.

Another thought I just had, one of arguments pre dday Id have with my wife about sex was what exactly was she thinking I needed from her in a typical encounter. yes, Id like a marathon session for 2 hours and etc. But, really, all I wanted was 10-15 minutes every so often and when I didnt get that I was demoralized as a man. Getting turned down for this as often as I was and her never,ever suggesting it was a major issue in my marriage. It wont be ever again.

My advice from my philandering friend was to be aggressive with what you want. Dont hurt and no means no. But, sometimes a W wants you to take and show what you want. I learn somethine from my mentor in sales, if you dont show want, the people you are dealing with assume you are happy and dont need anything. Show want.

Last edited by MikeStillSmiling; 08/04/11 12:42 PM.

Life keeps on slipping, slipping, slipping into the fuuuu-ture.
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