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Aphelion #2537712 08/23/11 01:32 PM
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WPG, it is very obvious to anyone who reads your thread that you are very repentant. Don't listen to anyone who says otherwise.

And that's the difference between you and 180. She hasn't been completely honest yet, and has a little more ways to go. Hopefully, she'll stick around and go through it.

You may lose everything on this earth, WPG, but no one can take God away from you.

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38-39


Markos' Wife
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What to do with an Angry Husband

kerala #2538187 08/25/11 11:37 AM
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Originally Posted By: kerala
Originally Posted By: MrsWondering
Hi 180,


1. I'd appreciate public confirmation that you posted as Spartan [Your Betrayed Ex-Husband] in an effort to mislead this forum when you were here as MutedSparkle. Being 100% honest is the only way to healing.




Seriously?



Yes.

Prisca #2538212 08/25/11 01:12 PM
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Originally Posted By: Prisca
WPG, it is very obvious to anyone who reads your thread that you are very repentant. Don't listen to anyone who says otherwise.

And that's the difference between you and 180. She hasn't been completely honest yet, and has a little more ways to go. Hopefully, she'll stick around and go through it.

You may lose everything on this earth, WPG, but no one can take God away from you.

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38-39


clicking "like" button now...


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I dislike when I see TEAMS.

This site is not former waywards versus former betrayeds...

rather,

In my opinion...

It's EVERYBODY against waywardism, dishonesty, treachery, deceit, etc. and EVERYBODY for marriage (or recovery of individuals after infidelity)

You are either on the MB Team against them or you're not.

MutedSparkle at one time was a glaring example of someone NOT on our team. Her thread alone didn't demonstrate the level of dishonesty, deceit and waywardism. It showed some and some vets tried to fill in the gaps above so Muted could, if she so chooses, answer such discrepancies and start here again from scratch. It's difficult because all we have to go on moving forward is the written word and when others become skeptical of "your written words" it gets hard for "written words" alone to dig you out of that hole. Nobody's is telling muted not to try...in fact, they are asking questions which is ASKING for responses.

But we (Mrs. W and I) did learn valuable lessons back then. Some waywards will show up here with seeming good intentions who are not what they seem. They will take advantage of our good nature and attempt to use us as either part of their subterfuge in their continued abuse of their spouses, as part of their wayward addiction to admiration and/or as a further distraction/escape from real life. The really tricky ones know that selling us on their supposedly sincerity and attempting to build personal bonds may shield them from closer scrutiny (it gets tough to call out a "friend" you've bonded with and you so want to give them the benefit of the doubt). We really have to watch and try to evaluate WHAT THEY DO versus what they say as the sneaky ones will say anything they think we want or need to hear (for example...I've seen waywards show up and post guideline for wayward spouse threads trying to teach them how to end their affairs and recommit to their marriage only to later learn they were wayward all along or wayward AGAIN shortly thereafter). Mrs. W and I even spoke to Muted and her husband on the telephone back then...which we don't do anymore because we realize NOW it's not good for us OR the person(s) we are hoping to help. In public (on MB) waywards can grow, learn and beat the wayward illness...privately (where they tend to want to go to shield themselves, hide from scrutiny and escape real life ...thank God we don't have private messaging here) they don't learn, grow ...they tend to just remain stuck. There are entire forums out there on the internet where you can see this dynamic....waywards posting and complaining about their lives and marriages FOR YEARS upon YEARS....where nothing changes at all and nobody NOBODY dares to call anyone out or you're being MEAN or worse...judgmental. We (both former waywards and former betrayeds here at MB) have teamed up to see that that doesn't happen to the wayward posters that come here...."we" call them out and demand accountability and try to help them eliminate "waywardism" from their thoughts and actions. It they leave...they weren't ready...maybe they'll come back and apologize like muted/180 has and learn/choose to DO/BE better then.

MB magic only happens on MB. Muted can stick around or not. She can attempt to make amends and rebuild her reputation here or not. Nobody is running anyone off...just ASKING for some historical honesty first, before proceeding. We have no ill-will towards her. We (my wife and I) MAY steer clear for quite awhile or forever but wish her nothing but success.

Just my opinion. I'm not the boss around here nor am I necessary right. Just sharing my thoughts.

Mr. Wondering


FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered

"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
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Excellent post Mr W. hurray

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Originally Posted By: Pepperband
Excellent post Mr W. hurray


Thanks...

btw...it was only happenstance that it was made in response to your post. I wasn't really speaking about you or to you. I think you know that...but wanted to clarify.

Mrs. W and I will still email you...no worries. lol

laugh

Mr. W

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Originally Posted By: MrWondering
I wasn't really speaking about you or to you. I think you know that...but wanted to clarify.



I knew that.
I trust you.

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180,

Where are you? I hope that you are lurking around reading this thread. I understand your motivation for coming back here to apologize. They don't make it easy, here, on MB...BUT they do know what they're talking about.

I was here once before and I became an absolute terror by the end. (There were only but so many 2x4s I could take without becoming overly defensive.) The moderators suspended me. That ended my first session of posting here. Only today have I been able to look back at that old thread...and OMG, it is he77 to see. And everything-- everything the posters said about me, what I was doing, that they'll see me back here if I didn't change...they were right.

You came back here to apologize sure...and possibly because you still need help and support. Don't give up...


Me: WW
DH: BS
EA: 04/18/09 til
DDay: 06/30/10
NC letter: 09/13/11 (against DH's will)
2 lovely happy children

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heartfelt, can you supply your previous username and link to its previous posts on your thread, please? Thanks.

T/J over.


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Well, I have to say I am disappointed (not surprised, but disappointed) that mutedsparkle/180 has seemed to have bailed. Mr Wondering's words have struck me though and I see that Pepper's and others suspicions appear to be correct. It really is about staying power isn't it?

We say we can change, but real change is demonstrated. Even when it seems impossibly tough. I fear 180 may not have had it (hope I'm wrong, I remain an optimist). Either way, let me say this:

Pepper and AM and others... My apologies to you, not for trusting 180, but for helping to ply a wedge between those of us who want to help. It shouldn't be since we all have the same goals in mind.

180? Come on girl. prove us wrong and demonstrate to us that you are what you claimed to be.


CV


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Haven't logged in here for eons but imagine my shock to find recent posts by Sparky...

Don't quit now, Sparky. You might still be learning but you might have learned the most important parts already...

Mark1952 #2538673 08/27/11 10:11 AM
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t/j

omg...Mark! i was looking for any new threads you have been on. (...though i was not well-behaved when you were on my thread, the things you wrote always made so much sense to me.)

vanilla, i was fullmoon...don't know how to provide a link (and not all that interested in bringing that back up anyhow). frown like 180 i am not proud, either, for any negative way i have impacted you.


Me: WW
DH: BS
EA: 04/18/09 til
DDay: 06/30/10
NC letter: 09/13/11 (against DH's will)
2 lovely happy children

Mark1952 #2538674 08/27/11 10:15 AM
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Originally Posted By: Mark1952
Haven't logged in here for eons but imagine my shock to find recent posts by Sparky...

Don't quit now, Sparky. You might still be learning but you might have learned the most important parts already...
Whoa - good to see you, Mark! Hey, we've got plenty of bandwidth just waiting to be used for long, wise posts! <grin> whistle


D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

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hurray, Mark!

MS/180, now you just have to come back. smile


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Originally Posted By: heartfelt_1
t/j
vanilla, i was fullmoon...don't know how to provide a link (and not all that interested in bringing that back up anyhow). frown like 180 i am not proud, either, for any negative way i have impacted you.


Thanks for answering. I thought that was you. And even if you are "not interested" in rehashing that, I think it would serve you well to put it on your thread and own it. I think it will only help you grow.

Sorry, MS/180, but threadjacking starts to happen when you leave your thread for too long... smile


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Originally Posted By: celticvoyager

I see that Pepper's and others suspicions appear to be correct.


My personal suspicions are irrelevant to the facts.
Our collective MB experience in this matter, is very relevant.

CV, I was basically coaxing her to be honest with those of you who are not familiar with her forum history.
This has nothing to do with her being a FWW.
My position is 100% about her forum history, which she should own completely.
If she does not own her history completely, she is dangerous, IMO.

As always, Pep.

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Originally Posted By: Pepperband
Originally Posted By: celticvoyager

I see that Pepper's and others suspicions appear to be correct.


My personal suspicions are irrelevant to the facts.
Our collective MB experience in this matter, is very relevant.

CV, I was basically coaxing her to be honest with those of you who are not familiar with her forum history.
This has nothing to do with her being a FWW.
My position is 100% about her forum history, which she should own completely.
If she does not own her history completely, she is dangerous, IMO.

As always, Pep.


Thanks Pep. My apology still stands though. I see now what you (and others) were doing and why. Just wanted you (and everyone else) to know.


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Yes, please do come back, 180. You'll get 2x4s but that should not stop you.

I got 2x4s when I first showed up myself, but I stayed because I know that these people KNOW what they're talking about.


One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
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180,

I was really drawn to your thread. I was a BS then a WS. I have not actively posted in years and do not come here regularly. You can take what I say with a grain of salt if you wish.

I believe that you are completely sincere in your desire to help other WWs and you have turned your life around. I have to ask though do you think it would be emotionally healthy for you to post on this board and be reminded everyday of infidelity? You dont need validation/approval from anyone on this board. These people are not in your day to day life. You sought forgiveness for your past mistakes and if they choose to forgive you or not that is their decision. I would leave it at that. All I am saying is the position that you are in now you are in a perfect spot to move beyond infidelity. You are divorced and the AP is out of your life. You are as we speak rebuilding your life from scratch and striving to be the best mom you can be. You are taking steps and making decisions in your life to make sure you dont repeat past mistakes. I would keep moving forward and leave the past where it belongsin the past.

Instead of seeking approval from virtual strangers on a message board concentrate on learning to love yourself again (if you ever did?). When that happens you can forgive yourself. I believe MB principals are sound and I encourage you to use the materials for self improvement and in any future relationship you have. You mentioned that you have not had contact with your family in 3 years. I would work on improving those relationships as well if they fit into the moral compass than you now live by. At the end of the day all that matters is what your God thinks of you and your children. I hope you find peace and happiness.

btdt751 #2538752 08/27/11 07:17 PM
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I totally disagree with what you're saying, bdtd. Totally. I am a survivor of infidelity. If I agreed with what you're saying, I wouldn't be here now. It would be too difficult to be reminded of my pain.

It is actually liberating for many to come back and help others - as a WS or as a BS. Allow 180 her desire to do so.

She is not here to seek validation or approval. As a repentent wayward who led many of us astray during her waywardness, she is now realizing the damage she caused and seeks to make things right. Don't take that away from her.

You are a danger to 180 to tell her that all is well, and that she needs to leave the past in the past. This is a blanket endorsement to go forward while ignoring the past. That is TERRIBLE advice. How long have you been on this site???

Quote:
Instead of seeking approval from virtual strangers on a message board
AND YOU'RE ONE OF THEM. DUH.

Quote:
At the end of the day all that matters is what your God thinks of you and your children.
It's nowhere NEAR that simple. God loves 180 and her children. He loved them then, and He loves them now.

What is your point, btdt? What is your story? What is your old posting name? Maybe that will give me some insight and make me understand why I shouldn't be totally pissed off about your post right now.


D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

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