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Schlag #2560233 11/02/11 05:16 PM
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Originally Posted by Schlag
@Melody: I have confessed to my wife, family, friends, pastor, God, and every one else. That's not it. Please stop. I am not unrepentant or wayward.
You are dam# lucky Melody has the patience to stick around and try to help you out of your fog, buddy.


Ddays 2007 and 2011
Plan B 6/21/11
Divorced July 2012
2 kids
How to Plan B Correctly
Parallel Parenting in Plan B
Schlag #2560235 11/02/11 05:17 PM
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Originally Posted by Schlag
I'm still wondering what my motivation would be for not telling him, if it's not my job security. You're so sure I'm making excuses then please do tell me what my motivation could possibly be.

A possible butt whoopin maybe?


Celtic Voyager
Married 22+ years
3 young adult children


"A story of me"
Schlag #2560236 11/02/11 05:18 PM
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Suggestion: instead of wasting all this time and energy trying to weasel out of the consequences of your affair, why not focus that energy on manning up and becoming an honorable, decent man your wife and family don't have to be ashamed of?

You know what would make her proud? Stop trying to scare her and sit down and tell her,

"Amy, from this day forward I will act with integrity, decency and honor. That means making amends to my victims and leaving my weasel ways behind. No longer will I try to manipulate you into protecting me from the consequences.

I am writing this letter to the OW's H and am asking that you deliver it to this man. I am man enough to face the consequences and I am sorry I did this to you, my kids and to the OWH."

Make a decision today to act like a man of honor and decency. That does not include lying to your victims. A man of honor and decency does not do that.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


SusieQ #2560243 11/02/11 05:30 PM
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Originally Posted by Schlag
Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Isn't it funny how your family's "security" didn't stop you from having affairs but it stops you from manning up and doing the right thing? think

You owe the man the truth and if you were sincere you wouldn't be here trying to weasel out of it.

Making that mistake 2 years ago does not justify making it again now.

Ummm, regarding this statement of making that "mistake" 2 years ago, is this the same OW that you were caught chatting with 6 months ago??

Originally Posted by Amalynn5
when I caught them chatting 6m ago and she covered up for my H


Ddays 2007 and 2011
Plan B 6/21/11
Divorced July 2012
2 kids
How to Plan B Correctly
Parallel Parenting in Plan B
Schlag #2560244 11/02/11 05:31 PM
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Originally Posted by Schlag
Originally Posted by zibbles
way to put all the responsibility of making a tough decision on her. GOOD JOB...not!

like i said earlier GET OUT OF THE WAY OF HER HEALING.
You suggest I risk her livelihood without her concurrence? wow!

Schlag - You already have lost it all. There is nothing left. You destroyed it all, and rock bottom is the only way to start the climb back up. Look at it this way.

Divorced
Salary (Gross) = $100,000
Taxes (minimum amount paid because you may get the mortgage tax (but you lose the child tax because she has them full time now) = $20,000
Health Insureance = $5000/year


Child Support = $3000/month for four small children (believe me I know)
Alimony = $1000/month (minimum - probably higher with a good lawyer)

What Schlag has to live off of now in Ventura, CA =

$100,000
-20000
-5000
= 75000/12 = 6250 - 3000 (CS) - 1000= $2250, can I assume your mortgage is about $2000/month.

Hence you now have $250 to live by yourself in Ventura, CA. You will probably have to take on some overtime. You will likely have to sell the home (so you lose the mortgage interest deduction). You will need a big enough home to put your four kids in so your rent could be anything from $2000 - $3000/month.

Have you really looked at your life with four kids after divorce? I know my WH hasn't. Plus my WH got stuck will all medical (Braces are going to cost him $5000 this year and that is just the first kid). He is also stuck with our home and the equity line on it. My WH never imagined the debt he was going to have to assume due to his adultery and leaving us for his OW.

His OW doesn't want him anymore because she doesn't want a gazillion small kids, with a poor man. Nope - his OW was thinking diamonds and Gucci, and all my WH can give her is diapers, snotty noses, screaming kids who hate her, and a one bedroom apartment.

Enjoy the mess you just created. Even if you make more than $100k the ratio of CS/Alimony will only increase. You can expect to give her 50% of your salary before taxes. You will be stuck living off the rest of that salary after taxes.

Tough~

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Nice post, Tough.

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I have serious doubts this affair is really over and doubt that skanky is really divorced.

I can think of no other reason why Schlag is so ADAMANT about hiding his affair from the OW's husband.

He is FRANTIC. FRANTIC..


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by MelodyLane
He is FRANTIC. FRANTIC..

Pissing his pants, he is.

SusieQ #2560255 11/02/11 05:42 PM
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Originally Posted by Amalynn5
when I caught them chatting 6m ago and she covered up for my H

Remember about a week ago when I asked you to list out all of your affairs, Schlag, and I repeatedly had to ask you for clarification. One of the things I made it clear that you should list out was the date of last contact with each OW.

You did not mention ANYTHING about recent contact with either of the women from 2009.

My BS detector was going off when you kept leaving information off. And it's going off now.

I hope your BW has you take another polygraph.


Ddays 2007 and 2011
Plan B 6/21/11
Divorced July 2012
2 kids
How to Plan B Correctly
Parallel Parenting in Plan B
SusieQ #2560258 11/02/11 05:54 PM
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Are you posting from home?


Me -BS 40
Him - FWH 34 (dtl)
3 D-Days from 12/25/10 to 01/06/11
NC - 01/09/11
02/20/12 done beating my head on that wall.
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If that Effing affair is still going on after she birthed his fourth baby - I am going to go through this computer screen and castrate him myself.

Schlag - are you the lowest of the lowest on the planet? Amy will tell OWHs - she has eight eyeballs that look at her daily for their guidance and strength.

Everything you worked your entire life for is now getting burnt to the ground. I am 100% certain you are going to lose it all, and the house will likely be the first to go.

You and your wife will have nothing left from your old life. The path you take puts both of you in one bedroom apartments working 50+ hours/week. The divorce is going to take you down, her down, and your children down forever. You will have her attorney fees, and your alimony just went up by another $1000 if this adultery is still going on.

Here is what the judge will say to you SIR, "Mr. Schlag - you have been wh0ring around on your wife for most of your marriage, all the while she has been birthing your four kids? Is this true Mr. Schlag? My judgement for you Mr. Schlag Not only am I granting Ms. Schlag 50% of everything you own, 50% of your retirement, she gets sole legal custody of your four babies (you get every other weekend and Tuesday evenings for two hours), $3000/month CS, $2000/month alimony support, and full use of the marital residence. You will pay all medical/dental/vision for those four babies until they are out of college, and you will carry a $1,000,000 life insurance policy for those four babies. OOOOHHHH - By the way you will also pay her $20,000 attorney fees for this divorce. Have a nice day!"

Don't you get it Schlag - that is how you just destroyed it all. There is nothing left. In six months your life will never look like it did before.

You will be poor Mr. Schlag - you will have no money left Mr. Schlag. You are finished. The life you built is now burning up in the fire. Kaput - destoryed in the blink of an eye.

Remember - the Adulterous Woman's lips taste sweet like honey, but in the end she is bitter as gall.

Unfortunately Mr. Schlag you have made your family as sordid as the POSOW. There is no escaping - it is happening as I type this.

The only way to survive is one must be so broken - losing it all is the best option available. Only then will you gain riches beyond your wildest dreams.

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Originally Posted by MelodyLane
I have serious doubts this affair is really over and doubt that skanky is really divorced.

I can think of no other reason why Schlag is so ADAMANT about hiding his affair from the OW's husband.

He is FRANTIC. FRANTIC..
I think he's a wuss. Sorry, Schlag, but I do. And I would hate to be married to a little wussy boy. At least my H had the spine to talk to OWH and apologize to him. Do you think he liked that?? Um, NO. I suspect he would have preferred to have a major organ removed. But HE DID IT. And that meant everything to me.

So. Are you a sissy wuss who wants the fun on the front side without the pain on the back side?


D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

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Originally Posted by maritalbliss
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Schlag, please be very careful with allowing your wife access to your work computer.
Why?

Because you don't do something like that on a DoD computer. I understand the need for transparency, but being in DoD myself, you do not install anything on your machine, especially tracking software. If he were to install something that captured/logged data on a DoD system I would notify the special agent in charge at my workplace that a security breach occurred. I don't mean to come across as threatening, but given my line of work I take security deadly serious.


BH (Me)-30
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D-Day 14&16 Feb, 2011
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My point was that if he had a security clearance at work, and allowed anyone else access to that computer, he could be in violation and be


ARRESTED.

I could be arrested if I allowed anyone access to my computer or email at work who was not otherwise authorized.

It is a violation of the law, so my advice to "be careful" was a warning regarding perhaps something he needed to consider before he did something illegal by letting his wife into classified files.

(I can't even change my own default printer. I don't have the "privileges"!!! SERIOUSLY.)

I would definitely not advise Schlag to be on the Internet......in fact, Schlag has a huge issue with workplace affairs.

He also has huge issues with internet affairs.

He has to find some type of employment that does not involve computer-based stuff, IMHO, because Schlag finds himself being tempted, and being able, to hop around and hide bad behavior on the internet and on his computer.


He depends on the computer to be his ally in lying to his wife.

Better that Schlag figure out a way to move into a new way of life, and away from Internetting.


Lucky to be where I am, in a safe place to get marriage-related support.
Recovered.
Happy.
Most recent D-day Fall 2005
Our new marriage began that day. Not easily, but it did happen.
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Schlag,

You need to write the OW's husband. All of the OW's husbands, for that matter. They all need to know that you have been involved with them.

You also need to start looking into changing jobs. You have established a pattern at your current job which says that you are the kind of man who plays around. You have that reputation - you know, the guy who cheats, who is willing to cheat. By being "that guy", you have that stench on you.

Furthermore, your behavior on the computer and at the office is such that you have no boundaries. Right now, you are set up to continue in exactly the same situation that you were in while you were pursuing your affairs. Nothing has changed.

Your wife will not be able to trust you, and she shouldn't. There is no legal way for you to offer her access to your work computer, or your office. I really do not see any option for you except for you to change your job.

Start looking. Your family depends on you, and your marriage depends on you to be in a situation where your boundaries are a LOT more defensible.

SB


Lucky to be where I am, in a safe place to get marriage-related support.
Recovered.
Happy.
Most recent D-day Fall 2005
Our new marriage began that day. Not easily, but it did happen.
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Schlag,

just to jump back to something.....

you list has 7+ affairs or potential affairs- lets just call them affairs- chatting oral sex its all bad. Qualifying the difference makes me sick- chatting sex it�s all the same you betrayed AMY. Own up to it.

why on the show did you only say you had like 4. you could not come clean with them.

buddy its all bad, i mean bad. I had this done to me 3 times.
come clean to Amy with the rest, everything...

Come clean with yourself, the monster of shame that you carry will destroy you and certainly your marriage.


Me 44- yes ugggh
WH 47
together 26 years M 19
serial cheater big time
DD1 2.24.11
NC letter sent 3/7/11
NC letter to OW2 april
final truths 5/8-- all of them poly confirmed 5/18
working the plan

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Please email them back and tell them everything. They will get go back to your issue and give you more advice. Tell them you didnt give them the full truth and you need help. They might bring it back up in the radio show again without you on the phone as a follow up.



Me -BS 40
Him - FWH 34 (dtl)
3 D-Days from 12/25/10 to 01/06/11
NC - 01/09/11
02/20/12 done beating my head on that wall.
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Schlag, you need to come clean and dedicate yourself to radical honesty. The rest of it doesn't matter until you start being completely open and honest.


Ddays 2007 and 2011
Plan B 6/21/11
Divorced July 2012
2 kids
How to Plan B Correctly
Parallel Parenting in Plan B
SusieQ #2560421 11/03/11 10:13 AM
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Here's what, I believe, Schlag knows that makes this so difficult for him:

His activities, infidelity furthered by resources used to process classified information, almost certainly make him ineligible for the clearance he currently holds.

He is afraid the OWH will create a mess by exposing his sordid activities at a level higher than the small group that has rallied together to conspire with him to conceal them.

If he works for a contractor, he has placed every government contract his company holds in jeopardy.

He is worried about the impact to his family, when in reality, he has placed numerous families in financial jeopardy.

The ripple effects of selfishness, debauchery, dishonesty, and low character just never cease to amaze me.

The OWH cannot do anything to you, Schlag, you've already done it. Hopefully, someone in your company has the integrity to do the right thing.

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@ Old war horse: My infidelities were not furthered by resources used to process classified information. We are allowed to use facebook on our unclass work computers. The only way my affair would jeopardize my clearance is when I was covering it up, because that would place me at risk of being blackmailed for secrets.

@ Everybody else:

Amy and I discussed last night how to go about this process and she wanted me to call and make clear to the OW that the NC letter she will be getting any day really was from me. Also, to confer to her the fact that I did not love her but was using her. I also apologized and asked forgiveness for my sin against her and her family. I did this in a very contrite fashion, which Amy was a little uneasy about. It made her think I was still involved with her in some way other than trying to unwind all the lies and be over with it. I made this call in the presence of Amy and I unfortunately didn't understand that she wanted the OW not to know she was present because I told the OW she was present. That was a mistake. So we are going to arrange for another polygraph to make clear to Amy that I am not continuing the affair and do not plan to contact the OW again, ever.

I then called the OWH in the presence of Amy and confessed to him what I did. He confirmed that they are in fact divorced and was shocked at the revelation, but did not seem angry at all. He actually told me all was forgiven.

Please believe me when I say that I am sincere about trying to unwind the lies and deceit of my double life for all these years. As melody said, I am acting, not talking.

I'll let you know how the polygraph comes out.

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