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Depression does not cause adultery.

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ML, I just read your post and it sounds like what I want, but she is the one that wants divorce and I have stated several times that it needs to stop all together and there needs to be no contact for us to work on this marriage.

SHe just doesn't want the marriage anymore she says and that this Om is a good friend that she will not stop contact with.

All those points you wrote sound great, but I'm not where those are even on the table. As a matter of fact, those agreements seem further away than ever at this moment.



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Originally Posted by UnderDog_99
I have only the home phone and not his cell. I have never tolked to this sneaky jerk ever. I think his wife will be the one to answer there and she didn't want me to expose.

It is in the OMW's best interest for him to hear from people about his affair. Just because the OMW wants to enable the affair by keeping it secret does not mean you have to.

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I'm not feeling good about this but trying to stay strong on this mission. Her family will have her side for sure.

If her family has her side they will encourage her to stop acting like a skank and will defend you and your kids. Even if they don't take your side, you need to call them up and ask for their help. Most people will not support you or take your side, THAT IS OK. The exposure is still effective because it embarrasses the WS. They need to ALL KNOW that she is having an affair with a married man.

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My WW has been on depression medicine for years and they all know she has not been happy. I just couldn't reach her sometimes and she would shut me out. I feel like this will make the divorce even worse and stop her from ever thinking about our marriage even if the affair stops.

Adultery causes depression, so doing your best to kill the affair will help her depression. And yes, you should divorce her unless she ends her affair and EARNS your forgiveness. Let her know you would be willing to give her that opporunity but it will take alot of work on her part.

Let her know you will no longer accept or allow the status quo, that she needs to make alot changes.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by UnderDog_99
ML, I just read your post and it sounds like what I want, but she is the one that wants divorce and I have stated several times that it needs to stop all together and there needs to be no contact for us to work on this marriage.

SHe just doesn't want the marriage anymore she says and that this Om is a good friend that she will not stop contact with.

All those points you wrote sound great, but I'm not where those are even on the table. As a matter of fact, those agreements seem further away than ever at this moment.

I understand this. But you need to give her YOUR conditions. Tell her yes you agree that you do not want the marriage as it is. You do want a divorce too as long as things remain as they are. Then you tell her what you expect. She will be shocked that you even have conditions.

SHE BELIEVES SHE IS IN CONTROL AND IS HOPING YOU WILL BEG HER TO STAY.

See, you are setting the agenda now, NOT HER. I don't give a rip about what she wants, it is irrelevant. What matters is what you want.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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I already told her that I could be a better husband and we could have a better marriage and didn't want her to leave a few nights ago. But that she had to end the affair completly and no contact. I guess she already got her begging. I really messed that part up.


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Originally Posted by UnderDog_99
[1) Is OM married?
Yes, and I decided to contact Om BS and she knew.

What does the OMW know about the affair EXACTLY? And what is she doing to bust it up? It is very unusual for a BW to tolerate this.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by UnderDog_99
I already told her that I could be a better husband and we could have a better marriage and didn't want her to leave a few nights ago. But that she had to end the affair completly and no contact. I guess she already got her begging. I really messed that part up.

Tell her now that you only want to continue the marriage if she becomes a better wife. You are not willing to settle for less but would be willing to give her a chance to EARN YOUR FORGIVNESS. She may look at you like you are on crack, but you need to say this to her and SAY IT OFTEN.

How are your exposures coming along?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Finished Om's facebook friends.

I'm going to FB most her family I can with the other text.

Is this good/OK?

deleted for privacy

Last edited by UnderDog_99; 11/05/11 03:04 PM.

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PERFECT!! I like the letter very much. smile


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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UD, you are doing great. I know you are filled with anxiety and want to applaud you not allowing fear to stop you from doing the right thing. You are standing up for your family and if your wife comes out of the fog, she will thank you for doing that.

What you are doing today is the most effective way to kill an affair and save a marriage. While there are no guarantees, this is your BEST CHANCE.

Stick with it and continue the fight!! smile


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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hurray
hurray
hurray
hurray
hurray
hurray
hurray
hurray


Me BW (37)
WH (37)
DD1 6 yrs DD2 2 yr

A man who abandons his wife and children because of his infidelity is no price. I can do better then that, I deserve better then that.

The difficulties and struggles of today are but the price we must pay for the accomplishments and victories of tomorrow

Men must be honest with themselves before they can be honest with others. A man who is not honest with himself presents a hopeless case
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ROFL love how they clap in unisense laugh


Me BW (37)
WH (37)
DD1 6 yrs DD2 2 yr

A man who abandons his wife and children because of his infidelity is no price. I can do better then that, I deserve better then that.

The difficulties and struggles of today are but the price we must pay for the accomplishments and victories of tomorrow

Men must be honest with themselves before they can be honest with others. A man who is not honest with himself presents a hopeless case
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Originally Posted by UnderDog_99
I would so appreciate your support and prayers.

Warmest regards,

Perfect way to end it !!!

hurray <~~~ just one (unlike some people)

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ROFL


Me BW (37)
WH (37)
DD1 6 yrs DD2 2 yr

A man who abandons his wife and children because of his infidelity is no price. I can do better then that, I deserve better then that.

The difficulties and struggles of today are but the price we must pay for the accomplishments and victories of tomorrow

Men must be honest with themselves before they can be honest with others. A man who is not honest with himself presents a hopeless case
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Originally Posted by MFJ1974
ROFL love how they clap in unisense laugh

me too.
Unisense it so awesome!

rotflmao

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better the unisex laugh


Me BW (37)
WH (37)
DD1 6 yrs DD2 2 yr

A man who abandons his wife and children because of his infidelity is no price. I can do better then that, I deserve better then that.

The difficulties and struggles of today are but the price we must pay for the accomplishments and victories of tomorrow

Men must be honest with themselves before they can be honest with others. A man who is not honest with himself presents a hopeless case
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Good job Underdog!!! Now sit back and get some popcorn. She will be spitting nails mad, but you know what will happen next. You got the WS playbook, courtesy from us.

She will have NO SOFT PLACE TO LAND with the om. His wife, friends family along with ww's friends and family WILL ALL KNOW what she's up to, and they will feel the heat of their "wonderful situation".

It's really ironic but when their "good news gets out" they suddenly feel like they did something bad. They suddenly realize that their secret fantasy HARMED PEOPLE and that they can't ever have that fantasy.

You see, when the fantasy of the affair pops, when the bubble bursts, it's not so pretty anymore. It's easy in the dark, sneaking around, to lie and to make promises and to be self-indulgent to the max. That's what they do in an affair. It's only exciting because it's a shhhhhhh secret.

But when it's all out there, hanging out in the open, families are hurt, children hurt, their spouses hurt, and they realize that THEY.DID.THIS.

Of course some are so foggy that they don't care. But it's ok. for those idiots, exposure has a second benefit. The second benefit is that even those who support them, the enablers, SEE THEM FOR WHAT THEY ARE. Their lives aren't the same as long as they're "with" that stupid affair partner.

So either outcome is good, but in most cases here, I see the exposure being the final nail in the affair coffin.


Change happens by listening and then starting a dialogue with the people who are doing something you don't believe is right. ~Jane Goodall
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I spent so much time with exposure that now I'm here watching the kids while she goes out tonight.

Talked with the BGF who she will also be going out with tonight.
SHe also told me how wrong the exposure on facebook was and how I made things worse. She seems to not get this at all about how I need the affair to stop in order to have the marriage improve.
The BGF seems to think I need to fight for my WW but my demanding the affair to end and the exposure is selfish on my part.

This is the mentality she will be hanging with tonight? I still have not finished with the family on her side, but getting there.

This all seems to be blowing up in my face so far. I hope you guys right


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Originally Posted by UnderDog_99
This all seems to be blowing up in my face so far.

It's all according to the wayward script.

Have you secured the family finances?

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Originally Posted by UnderDog_99
The BGF seems to think I need to fight for my WW but my demanding the affair to end and the exposure is selfish on my part.

I am sorry she is a stupid woman. How in the world does she imagine it is "selfish" for you to demand that your wife be faithful? That is stupid.

It is not blowing up in your face!! Just because some people are affair supporters does not mean your exposure failed!

You just stick to the plan and don't veer.

Have you spoken to the OMW today and let her know that your W is going out tonight so you can compare notes with her?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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