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toe tap


Me -BS 40
Him - FWH 34 (dtl)
3 D-Days from 12/25/10 to 01/06/11
NC - 01/09/11
02/20/12 done beating my head on that wall.
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I know what everyone wants to do is crap all over Eric and trust me..... no one wants to do that more than me. I am ENRAGED. However........can anyone please just be helpful and try and figure out how on earth to get the truth out? Or is that just hopeless? He needs real advice right now.... as do I.

Last edited by Amalynn5; 11/05/11 02:42 PM.

ME: BW
Schlag: FWH or WH... who knows. 2 PA's, many EA's and other issues.
1st D-DAY and false recovery: 9/11/09
2nd D-DAY 10/15/11
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You can't really force the truth out. If he doesn't want to give it, you probably won't get it. And if he won't give it...then why do you want to bother?

You should tell him that either he starts telling the truth, or, as Gloveoil's BW said, "...you're out on your @$$"


One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
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Originally Posted By: Amalynn5
I know what everyone wants to do is crap all over Eric and trust me..... no one wants to do that more than me. I am ENRAGED. However........can anyone please just be helpful and try and figure out how on earth to get the truth out? Or is that just hopeless? He needs real advice right now.... as do I.


Amy, your husband doesn't need any advice. He needs to be truthful. He knows what to do but is making a conscious decision to lie and manufacture elaborate excuses to cover his lies. We cannot help someone who does not want to be helped. And he does not want to be helped. If the loss of his marriage and family is not enough to motivate him to be honest, there is nothing we can say to impel him.

We cannot force someone to be truthful against their will. I am sorry, but this is in his hands and unless he makes the choice to do the right thing this is hopeless.

I am so sorry. frown


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Karma- he knows it and I actually just said those exact words a few minutes ago. He swears he has no idea what is in his conscience that is making the lie detector tests go crazy. He thinks there must be something, but he says he doesn't know. It's just very scary how mentally ill he sounds......

Sorry- I'll go back and stay on my thread.


ME: BW
Schlag: FWH or WH... who knows. 2 PA's, many EA's and other issues.
1st D-DAY and false recovery: 9/11/09
2nd D-DAY 10/15/11
D filed on 11/22/11.
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Sounds like he doesn't know the truth... He is even lying to himself.

Amy.... Very strong EP's will need to be in place for a very long time....no scratch that...for as long as you are married!!

GPS on car, key logger on computer and cell phone, ( no cell phone ), only cash in his wallet...no CC, extreme EP's!!! You are not safe from someone who lies to themselves.

Has he seen a psychologist? He seems like he could have split personalities or Bi-polar disease.


Me (BH): 42
Her (WS): 39
Married 19 yrs
DD: 16, DD: 11, DD: 7
D-Day: 7-5-2011, Caught searching 10-15-2012
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He does know the truth, that is why he failed the polygraph. If he didn't know the truth then the test would not have registered deception. His explanation for why he failed is just more dishonesty.

He is not mentally ill, he is lying and spinning again. This has worked for him in the past so he still believes it will continue to work for him now.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted By: Amalynn5
Karma- he knows it and I actually just said those exact words a few minutes ago. He swears he has no idea what is in his conscience that is making the lie detector tests go crazy. He thinks there must be something, but he says he doesn't know.


The something is deception. Never give a liar the benefit of the doubt. As a former professional liar, I assure you if something doesn't ring true, it is NOT true.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted By: TexasTwoStep
Sounds like he doesn't know the truth... He is even lying to himself.


If this were true, he would have PASSED the test. If a person believes their lies, they PASS. It is the knowlege of deception and one's physiological reactions that will cause the test to give a deceptive reading.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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nevermind ........ not worth it

Last edited by Pepperband; 11/05/11 03:09 PM.
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ok, here is something outside the box.

hypnosis

let amy ask the questions while you are under. Maybe you will be able to tell the truth then without your guard up.

Have her record the session so you know what you said.


Me -BS 40
Him - FWH 34 (dtl)
3 D-Days from 12/25/10 to 01/06/11
NC - 01/09/11
02/20/12 done beating my head on that wall.
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LuvsDavid- Our MFT has her PhD in hypnosis and is VERY educated on the subject. Eric wants more than anything for her to do this so maybe she can dig some truth out that he has either buried or forgotten, or SOMETHING.


ME: BW
Schlag: FWH or WH... who knows. 2 PA's, many EA's and other issues.
1st D-DAY and false recovery: 9/11/09
2nd D-DAY 10/15/11
D filed on 11/22/11.
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Originally Posted By: Amalynn5
LuvsDavid- Our MFT has her PhD in hypnosis and is VERY educated on the subject. Eric wants more than anything for her to do this so maybe she can dig some truth out that he has either buried or forgotten, or SOMETHING.


What a great escape route!
A wayward's dream!

"I did not lie. I just forgot."

Deja moo (same old bull)

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Originally Posted By: Amalynn5
LuvsDavid- Our MFT has her PhD in hypnosis and is VERY educated on the subject. Eric wants more than anything for her to do this so maybe she can dig some truth out that he has either buried or forgotten, or SOMETHING.


The obvious answer is that he flunked because he is lying. He is a liar. Why is it so hard to believe that someone with a long history of lying is lying?

You don't really believe he flunked because he "forgot," do you? If he forgot it would not have registered the physiological signs of deception. Because he wouldn't KNOW he was being deceptive.

Amy. The truth is right before you right now. He is lying and he is committed to continued lying despite being given numerous chances. An honest man does not go to this much trouble to spin the truth. This is a very practiced, professional liar. He is accustomed to getting away with his lies.



"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted By: Amalynn5
LuvsDavid- Our MFT has her PhD in hypnosis and is VERY educated on the subject. Eric wants more than anything for her to do this so maybe she can dig some truth out that he has either buried or forgotten, or SOMETHING.


He has not fogotten, I was saying maybe he cant lie while under. For some reason there is something that he thinks you cant handle and it holding out with it.

Like question #1. Does it really matter if he told her he was going to leave you back in 2009? The reality is that he didnt so why would he try to hide the fact that he did say that.

You cannot recover if you dont know what you are recovering from. I know this from personal history. I didnt ask some questions becuase I didnt think I would want to know but almost a year later, I need to know.

The good thing is my husband is not hiding anything. He is answering all my questions without hesitation and I belive him.


Me -BS 40
Him - FWH 34 (dtl)
3 D-Days from 12/25/10 to 01/06/11
NC - 01/09/11
02/20/12 done beating my head on that wall.
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Originally Posted By: Amalynn5
I know what everyone wants to do is crap all over Eric and trust me..... no one wants to do that more than me. I am ENRAGED. However........can anyone please just be helpful and try and figure out how on earth to get the truth out? Or is that just hopeless? He needs real advice right now.... as do I.


He has to want to start to speak the truth. Only then you will get the truth. Amy it is time to figure out what you want for your life. I have a gazillion kids all under nine. I am a single mom to them all. My WH has left for the OW. I get a huge amount of CS form him, and I am very fortunate because it gives us a good life.

I know it is scary to think of life without this man. He cannot keep you safe, and until he will come 100% clean, the adultery will continue.


Tough

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He has been deceptive on this thread, deceptive to Dr Harley, called out on it and he didn't respond, apologize, nothing.. Something I personally have been waiting to see if he would do. Would be a step in the right direction.

My undestanding from talking to Dr Harley about someone who has trouble with honesty and a history of a secret second life (can you guess who about?) is that what he would like to see them ADMIT that they have trouble with honesty and acknowledge that it will take work for them to become honest. When they don't do that, you have big problem on your hands as you are seeing now.


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Originally Posted By: Amalynn5
I know what everyone wants to do is crap all over Eric and trust me..... no one wants to do that more than me. I am ENRAGED. However........can anyone please just be helpful and try and figure out how on earth to get the truth out? Or is that just hopeless? He needs real advice right now.... as do I.


I may have missed it, but did he see/read the questions a day before he took the poly?

He needs to sit with you and go over them. You break it down as much as he needs, write out his answers and discuss it.

The ONLY reason he will fail is if he is being deceptive.

If he forgot anything, he won't fail because he won't be lying.

There is something in his head that he is trying to keep from you.

My FWH has poly's for his work. He KNOWS is there is ANYTHING even something small that he has not disclosed, that he will fail. He discussed the questions with me, and disclosed even the smallest thing that might set off a "deceptive" alarm.


BS(me)
FWH
M '91
DS x 3



Dont let anyone capture you with empty philosophies and high-sounding nonsense that come from human thinking and from the spiritual powers of this world, rather than from Christ.

Col. 2:8 (NLT)
Schlag #2561242 11/05/11 05:03 PM
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Quote:
Well, I'm devastated and horrified at the polygraph results.

The questions were:

1. Did you tell Michelle that you would leave Amy for her?

(I had her change it from "Did you talk about leaving Amy for her" so that I would be sure to pass it.)

2. Are you being honest about your intentions in telling Michelle that Amy was in the room for the phone call?

(I was sure I would pass this one)

3. Are you witholding information about any sexual or emotional affair from Amy?

4. Are you witholding any information about sexual internet activities from Amy?

I thought that I would pass with flying colors on at least the first two.

I thought I might have a problem with the last two because there's so much I don't remember and I really feared those questions.

But I failed all of them.

So I apparently am lying even to myself.

Amy and I have talked about this for the last hour and a half and the only explanation for what everybody else is seeing is that Michelle meant/means more to me that I will even admit to myself. Enough that I could lie to myself two days ago in that phone call and believe my reason for saying Amy was listening.

I also must be lying to myself about telling Michelle I wanted to leave Amy for her. I know that I never said those words, but I must know underneath that the words I did say, and comments like the Brady Bunch comment, really did say to her that I wanted to leave Amy for her. I am absolutely certain that the conscious thought I had about leaving Amy for her was dismissed because I never really wanted to leave Amy for her.

There are no other sexual contacts besides the list I've posted. (The "experimental" thing I didn't list in public was seeking a homosexual affair that was never followed through on. Amy knows fully about that.)

So The deception all around just has to be me lying to myself about the entire Michelle relationship. I don't want to believe that I loved her. I know that I believe that I don't love her today. But the phone call two days ago says that on some level I was sabotaging what I was trying to say to her.

If I am witholding truth, it is from myself. Which is really scary for me and for Amy right now.

The evidence says that I can't let go of this drug. I am looking at the evidence and I just can't believe it. But there it sits.


Wow.


Amy asks for "real" advice. Okay. I will take a shot at him.

Next post.


Lucky to be where I am, in a safe place to get marriage-related support.
Recovered.
Happy.
Most recent D-day Fall 2005
Our new marriage began that day. Not easily, but it did happen.
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questions #3, and #4 should be a "no brainer" If you wrote out a list..... then what's the problem? What are you leaving out? It's that simple

YOU even said "I thought I would pass the first 2 with flyer colors? ok.... so you KNOW you are hiding something on the second two.

Last edited by Lgtex1; 11/05/11 05:31 PM.

BS(me)
FWH
M '91
DS x 3



Dont let anyone capture you with empty philosophies and high-sounding nonsense that come from human thinking and from the spiritual powers of this world, rather than from Christ.

Col. 2:8 (NLT)
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