I know that some of you were only trying to help me see that divorce is not the end and that I will thrive and be okay.

The deal is, ever since I got the D papers in the mail, I feel like I have been back-tracking...losing some of the progress I have made in my personal R so far. I find myself angry, depressed, and just wanting this crazy ride to stop! Before, I was doing fine, making progress steadily. It is this D that is taking its toll on me. I am going back to having more frequent ups and downs regarding all of this.

Thank you...this wasn't easy to hear. Actually, I was brought to tears.

I go back and forth between things. Some days, I am like I was when I posted earlier...completely drained and wondering "why" and all of that, and grieving over my dreams for what I thought was going to be my future.

On the other hand, I know the reality, but I still want to stand for my marriage. However, I will not lie, not being married to WH will be freeing, and I will make moves to better things for myself and begin to pursue my own goals.

Its just a whole lot of back and forth.

Welcome to the Teeter Totter Club, Erika!

Hang in there.

Peace.

Hugs to you Erika. I am following this thread as I prepare myself for a divorce not of my choosing. There is something that stands out about you.. you will make it. You will thrive.

And the other poster's response to this thread. I have to say it.. WOW. So many posts have really struck a chord with me. All of your words give strength. Those still fighting, and those who have accepted they fought with determination but it wasn't meant to be. You have all thrived regardless. Thank-you.

Come here and let me give you a hug

You are stronger than you know, erika. Hang in there and stay with us. We'll help you all we can.

Erica,
I am so sorry you are going thru this; it is painful but you will and can survive. I am but barely surviving. My Ex husband was a sex addict and still is . I refuse to accept it and tried to get him to get help. I was tactful,creid to him, and no big screaming about it. I think he misses me sometimes but he has moved on and has another woman and moving to Flordia.

You can survive this and if god does nt put you and your husbadn back togtehr there was a reason. Let it go and eventually you will find someone that will love you and make a GREAT marriage partner. Decide if you want to get another hubby or wait a while but do what is best for you, ok?

God is not punishing you, it is just people get bored with life and their mates instead of sticking it out. Most people do not know how to be real life partners.

Hang in there and pray a lot it does help.

Sable Venuse

SV, Erika is not even divorced yet and the last thing you should be advising is for her to start thinking about a new husband. Have you read this whole thread? Ate you familiar with the MB plans? It's okay to encourage someone but telling a BW to move on and look for a new husband this soon is not MB advice.

/TJ

This is my normal response to the Grammar Gestapo:

However in this case this was a grammar lesson worth the effort to learn.

At least I make myself laugh

Happy New Year (idjut)

Yes, I need the smiley that smacks itself...lol

Definitely worth the lesson though!
I welcome all of them

Erika,

Just wanted to stop.by and see how you're doing.

Hi,
I'm hanging in there. D won't be final for another few months. In the meantime, I don't have any real exciting news to add, I'm just getting things in order for DD & I.

I will say that I am making plans to move forward, well, back home. I actually look forward to these changes.

I'm making decent progress in my personal R, even though I do have my days...of course I only have high hopes for myself. Thanks for asking. I hope you are doing well also.

I'm not doing too bad. I started learning New Testament Greek this week to help me better understand the bible. Its going pretty well, too.

Other than that, I am still committed to "stand", divorced or not.

This is an honorable thing to do. I did some research on this, and it indeed seems to be one of the hardest things to do for anyone.

For me, I haven't given up all hope per se, but I am actually letting go. What I do now is I continually pray for WH. This is what I need to do. For myself, I am working on changing and moving on from this horrible situation. I feel that this entire situation just snowballed out of control.

The hardest thing for me to let go of was letting my dream die. See, I never thought my WH would think of hurting me on this way, or any way for that matter. WH & I were the couple that everyone had faith in. We were "it".

Our personal story goes deep, and hindsight is always 20/20.
I wouldn't cinsider myself a true stander, since I am letting go of a lot, but hope is not completely dead with me.

I have to add that I do have great respect for those that are true standers. It is such an incredibly difficult thing to do. I continue to hold out hope that WH can change, as long as he A) has the desire to do so and B) will do the hard work to change.

I know that I need to let go, and I am doing this. I have stopped holding on so desparately. I do love WH, you can't spend nearly 10 years of your youth and adult life with someone and not have these feelings, of course. WH just is not the same man that I knew even three years ago. I am seeing him for who he is, and to be honest, it still pains me to uncover my eyes completely. I would never entertain being with someone like him, even for a casual date. Who he is today is not good for anyone, and that includes himself.

I feel like I am one of those BS's that is running out of steam. However, hope has not died. It is more like I put all of this on the backburner. For me, this is what is best. This way I can get on with my life.

As for myself, I am taking care of me. I have volunteered to work with some elementary aged kids and I do get out and about with friends. I also have my bright eyed DD to keep me going.

Hard is an understatement! Since I started way back in March or April, I didn't think the D would happen and I was simply going to just wait until she finally woke up. Well, she hasn't and seems to be on a whole different planet. Her step-mom (who's been in her life since she was 2) saw her at Christmas and said she doesn't recognize that woman and couldn't stand to be around her. That's just how different she is.

Anyway, the D is final and I've had temptations prior to and since from women. And it seems like they come from everywhere. In spite of it, I haven't given in and I stay committed.

I have also "let go". But letting go doesn't mean finding someone else. I've let go of my desire to control the situation. I've let go of trying to fix this. I've let go of much of the hurt and pain that has been involved. I'm moving in a better direction for me but I still hope (see my sig). if I knew what would happen or that there would be guaranteed reconciliation, it wouldn't be faith, would it???

Whatever you decide to do, to stand or not, we all understand. And, no, I don't think "standing" is for just anybody. If you are on the fence still about it, see the link below. It may help you come to a decision.

http://marriagewalk.com/what-it-means-to-stand/

God bless!!!

See, this is what I am learning. Letting go of everything is necessary. I am starting to get that I need to relinquish control of this situation, and give it all to God. This was very hard for me, and I went back and forth, because in my mind, I thought letting go meant letting everything die. I struggled with this for a few weeks. It felt so good to just relinquish it all, but I felt incredible guilt. Weird, I know. I just felt like I was giving up if I still didn't hold on in one way or another.

Absolutely true.

I know it was on a Friday because it played all weekend.