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Quote:
It would be extremely irresponsible of us on this forum not to help educate people about the plan and the need to make changes in their marriage to recover.
Get outta my head, Markos! That's exactly what I was thinking! smile


D-Day 2-10-2009
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Yes I printed out the EP read it over and IMO I have followed all but two on there, so Yes I am going to highlight A) to always think of my husbands and his feeling fore most and F) I am going to be HONEST about everything no matter how hard it is.

I have not contacted OM or any other man.
I have told Senn everything I am not with holding anything (what a relief to carry such a burden.

Holderherhand~ I am not greedy in the sense of materialistic items Senn knows that. If we were not able to make it through this today or years from now, he knows I would ask for a thing.

Martialbliss~ Why would I or anyone blame MB for their marriage failing???? I know that my actions would have to be the blame.


I am the WS
BH, love him dearly


~It's not easy taking my problems one at a time when they refuse to get in line. ~Ashleigh Brilliant

~When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on. ~Franklin D. Roosevelt
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Quote:
Yes I printed out the EP read it over and IMO I have followed all but two on there, so Yes I am going to highlight A) to always think of my husbands and his feeling fore most and F) I am going to be HONEST about everything no matter how hard it is.


Okay. That is good.

IF you read EPs thread carefully then you must have noticed that there are 2 categories of EP's. This one here you are talking about is the second category which is to be maintained for lifetime.

The first category of EPs needs to be completed quickly. This is HerPapaBear's list - but what is your list and have you completed these? I suspect you haven't done it. In short, you haven't eliminated the conditions that has made your affairs possible. You are still open to have another affair and you are still a danger.

Quote:
A) Change cell phone number and give password & account access to your spouse.
B) Change email account.
C) Eliminate all social networking accounts (i.e., Face book, Classmates, My Space, etc.)
D) Take a polygraph
E) Make a copy of my vehicle keys and any other keys my spouse does not have and give to them (i.e., safe deposit boxes, business keys, storage cabinets/lockers, etc.)
F) List out passwords for all business and personal computer logins, and any other passwords my spouse does not have access to.
G) Give my spouse access to any banking/financial accounts, business and personal.
H) Install software that tracks all internet use, giving my spouse administrative access.
I) Install a webcam/security cameras for while at work that my spouse can access.
J) I will contact an attorney that will work on my spouses behalf and write a post-nuptial agreement.
K) Sell the house/purchase a new one.
L) Sell any vehicle AP was in and replace them.


Quote:
I have not contacted OM or any other man.


THIS is not enough. You have to make sure that THEY won't have ANY possibility to contact you. How will you make sure they cannot contact you?


Me, FWW: 43
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Martialbliss~ Why would I or anyone blame MB for their marriage failing???? I know that my actions would have to be the blame.
It happens. There are people in this world who don't like to own the negative outcome of their inaction/actions. They'll look for someone else to dump them on.


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Originally Posted By: senninpaswife
Yes I printed out the EP read it over and IMO I have followed all but two on there, so Yes I am going to highlight A) to always think of my husbands and his feeling fore most and F) I am going to be HONEST about everything no matter how hard it is.

I have not contacted OM or any other man.
I have told Senn everything I am not with holding anything (what a relief to carry such a burden.



Can you actually LIST out your Extraordinary Precautions? We need you to be specific (number them)...this is not the time to be vague. Yes, it is THAT important.


Ddays 2007 and 2011
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Quote:
Can you actually LIST out your Extraordinary Precautions? We need you to be specific (number them)...this is not the time to be vague. Yes, it is THAT important.
Yes, senn's wife. Please list your EPs so we can see that you're headed in the right direction. I may have missed a post on your thread, but I don't believe I've seen any reference to active EPs. Don't get me wrong, saying you're going to think of your H's feelings foremost is all soft and sweet-sounding in a Hallmark greeting card kind of way, but I'm curious to see what actions you're putting in place to safeguard your M.

I can't remember if anyone suggested this to you, but I'd like you to read HerPapaBear's EP thread. I get the feeling that you are a little lost on exactly what EPs are and how to establish them.

Read the whole thread. Not just the first few posts.---->HPB's EPs Thread


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What EPs have been installed?


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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Ok here is my rough draft to Omw and OM...

Dear blank,
I am so sorry for what I have done to you and your family. I expect that you will never be able to forgive me for my actions as I would probably not if in your shoes. Nothing is worse to lose your closest friends for a terrible act I have committed out of greed and excitement. I will not nor ever try to contact om as that would just be asking for more than trouble. I pray that you and your husband make it through and have a better stronger relationship.

Im sorry that you have to be constantly reminded of me when people ask about me. My suggestion would be to tell them you dont know and that I would like to hear from them so call me.

You were a great friend who taught me a lot and I am sad to say that I felt we were growing apart, long before the affair. I can serve you no justice other than the guilt and shame for what I have done.

I cant explain how or why we ended up where we were. I can say it was thoughtless and cruel and that you and my husband didnt deserve this.

I am so sorry that our relationship had to end this way, and Im so sorry for all the hurt and pain I have caused you and your family.
************************************************************

I am sorry for the pain I have caused you and your family as well as my own. What we did was thoughtless and cruel and your wife and my husband didnt deserve any of this. This is my no contact letter to inform you that I will not now or ever try to have contact with you or through anyone else to have no contact with you. No contact by phone, mail, email, messages, text or any other form of communication.

If I see you around town, I will walk the way, I will avoid you in respect of our spouses, and ourselves. I am working on my marriage as you should do.



Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives . . . Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers (1 Peter 3:1-2,7, NIV).


I am the WS
BH, love him dearly


~It's not easy taking my problems one at a time when they refuse to get in line. ~Ashleigh Brilliant

~When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on. ~Franklin D. Roosevelt
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Originally Posted By: senninpaswife
Ok here is my rough draft to Omw and OM...

Dear blank,
I am so sorry for what I have done to you and your family. I expect that you will never be able to forgive me for my actions as I would probably not if in your shoes. Nothing is worse to lose your closest friends for a terrible act I have committed out of greed and excitement. I will not nor ever try to contact om as that would just be asking for more than trouble. I pray that you and your husband make it through and have a better stronger relationship.

Im sorry that you have to be constantly reminded of me when people ask about me. My suggestion would be to tell them you dont know and that I would like to hear from them so call me.

You were a great friend who taught me a lot and I am sad to say that I felt we were growing apart, long before the affair. I can serve you no justice other than the guilt and shame for what I have done.

I cant explain how or why we ended up where we were. I can say it was thoughtless and cruel and that you and my husband didnt deserve this.

I am so sorry that our relationship had to end this way, and Im so sorry for all the hurt and pain I have caused you and your family.
************************************************************

I am sorry for the pain I have caused you and your family as well as my own. What we did was thoughtless and cruel and your wife and my husband didnt deserve any of this. This is my no contact letter to inform you that I will not now or ever try to have contact with you or through anyone else to have no contact with you. No contact by phone, mail, email, messages, text or any other form of communication.

If I see you around town, I will walk the way, I will avoid you in respect of our spouses, and ourselves. I am working on my marriage as you should do.



Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives . . . Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers (1 Peter 3:1-2,7, NIV).


Striked out the foggy part that stood out to me. I'm not sure about the biblical verse... I don't understand it and I'm not sure if it is appropriate. That's just my opinion.

ETA: SW. The OW in my sitch was also someone who I believed was a friend. I would be incensed if she sent me a letter quoting biblical verses. I'm sure that is not the response you want with your letter.

Last edited by pokerface; 12/30/11 11:05 AM.

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DDay 09/2008 and 12/2008

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Originally Posted By: senninpaswife
Ok here is my rough draft to Omw and OM...

Dear blank,
I am so sorry for what I have done to you and your family. I expect that you will never be able to Please forgive me for my actions. as I would probably not if in your shoes. Nothing is worse to lose your closest friends for a terrible act I have committed out of greed and excitement. I will not nor ever try to contact om as that would just be asking for more than trouble. I pray that you and your husband make it through and have a better stronger relationship.

Im sorry that you have to be constantly reminded of me when people ask about me. My suggestion would be to tell them you dont know and that I would like to hear from them so call me.

You were a great friend who taught me a lot and I am sad OMW at the loss of our friendship to say that I felt we were growing apart, long before the affair. I can serve you no justice other than the guilt and shame for what I have done. I cant explain how or why we ended up where we were. I can say it The A was thoughtless and cruel. and that you and my husband didnt deserve this.

I am so sorry OMW that our relationship had to end this way, and Im so sorry for all the hurt and pain I have caused you and your family.
************************************************************

I am sorry for the pain I have caused you and your family as well as my own. What we I did was thoughtless and cruel.

OMW's name your wife and Your BH's name my husband didnt deserve any of this.

This is my no contact letter to inform OM you that I will not now or ever try to have contact with you or through anyone else to have no contact with you. No contact by phone, mail, email, messages, text or any other form of communication.

If I see you around town, I will walk the way, I will avoid you in respect of our spouses, and ourselves. I am working on my marriage with BH's name. as you should do.



Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives . . . Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers (1 Peter 3:1-2,7, NIV).



Good to see you back.

Just some suggestions. I am no expert at this. The stuff I struck through changes the responsibility to you for your actions. You can not take responsibility for the OM or tell him what to do. That is up to him/them as a couple to work through.

Keep coming back

nESRE


M 29 yrs
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I would throw that in the trash and send this to the OM just like it says in SAA [change the genders obviously]:

OW, I want you to know that out of respect and love for my wife and children, I have come to realize that I must never see or talk to you again. My relationship with you was a cruel indulgence that BS did not deserve. While I cannot completely repay BS for the pain I caused her, I will do my best to become the husband she has been missing. I care a great deal for my family and I would not want to do anything to risk their happiness. I will not make any further contact with you and I do not want you to make any contact with me. Please respect my desire to end our relationship.

Sincerely, XXXXX


And I would lose the scripture part. That is hypocritical to spout scripture after you just took your panties off with her husband.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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Agree with Mel 100%

Please stick with what the good Dr. recommends....





Recovery began 10/07;

Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
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My wife wrote a very similar letter to the one you drafted; I listened to MB advice and rejected it.
Betrayed spouses do not want to hear about how much YOU LOVE YOUR LOVER.
The letter is not between YOU and HIM.
The letter is a sign of commitment to your mariage and telling your LOVER that YOU ARE COMMITTING TO YOUR HUSBAND and what YOU did was WRONG.
It breaks my heart that my wife has no remorse, your writing seems a lot like hers; she views the affair as a learning process; something that she benefited from.
I have been devastated, but she cares more about her LOVERS feelings than mine; I suspect that you also CARE more about your LOVER THAN YOUR HUSBAND otherwise you would write the letter Melody suggested, which is part of a Program to Affair Recovery.

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A betrayed spouse doesn't want to hear from the OW and doesn't care about your feelings. Telling her you hope she has a great marriage in the future is sort of warped after you just destroyed her marriage. All she wants is to get you out of her life. You do that by sending a no contact letter to your adultery partner.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted By: HerPapaBear
Agree with Mel 100%

Please stick with what the good Dr. recommends....





Ditto

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nevermind ....

Last edited by Pepperband; 12/31/11 12:13 AM.
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Originally Posted By: Pepperband
Originally Posted By: senninpaswife
I am working on my marriage as you should do. faint




If OW had the nerve to send such an offensive note to me, I'd have used the paper to wipe my butt.


and then mailed it back to her right Pep?


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
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Personal R in works
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PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

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Originally Posted By: Scotland
Originally Posted By: Pepperband
Originally Posted By: senninpaswife
I am working on my marriage as you should do. faint




If OW had the nerve to send such an offensive note to me, I'd have used the paper to wipe my butt.


and then mailed it back to her right Pep?


rotflmao rotflmao


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Just to point out ... it's rather confusing, but I believe the text of the projected letter(s) is split into two parts .... above the asterisks, to the OMW .... below the asterisks, to the OM.

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Originally Posted By: MelodyLane
A betrayed spouse doesn't want to hear from the OW and doesn't care about your feelings. Telling her you hope she has a great marriage in the future is sort of warped after you just destroyed her marriage. All she wants is to get you out of her life. You do that by sending a no contact letter to your adultery partner.
What Mel said. And PLEASE DO NOT sully the Good Book by being so presumptuous to quote from it regarding marital advice. I would have been HUGELY insulted if the skank in my sitch had had the audacity to send something like that to me.

Use the NC letter from SAA. Send it to and be done with it.


D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

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