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Originally Posted by CeeJayKay
I get where you are coming from CWMI, but my daughter didn't kick her husband out because of the affair. She kicked him out because he is a lying, lazy, overbearing, emotionally and sometimes physically abusive bum.

And your daughter was an emotionally detached wife that was dropping her panties for another man....

Of course HER adultery had a great deal to do with why their marriage was failing terribly.

Your daughter needs to tell her husband the truth.

Just my .02

Last edited by HerPapaBear; 01/02/12 11:53 AM.




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Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
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Originally Posted by CeeJayKay
The question running through my mind is should I get involved in this, or should I stay out of my daughter's business.

You have an adult child living under YOUR roof.
This is your business.
This is your opportunity to demonstrate YOUR character. YOUR moral fortitude. YOUR courage.

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she has been having an affair with a married man who has children

This is now a character issue.
Your daughter is breaking up a home/marriage/family and she is deliberately contributing to the misery of children.
Your daughter is becoming a scum bag.
You cannot stand on the sideline and observe.
She lives with you and enjoys your generosity & largesse.
You must act accordingly.

What is the morally correct thing to do?
Expose this adultery in an effort to end this sin.
This will anger your daughter.
Do it anyway.
Sinners hate to be exposed for what they are.

You know what to do.
You're probably hesitant to upset your adulterous daughter.

Do the morally correct thing.

And, just in case you did not know this from your previous experience ....

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She said they'd had sexual relations twice since April 2011, and although they aren't now, they still talk to each other because they have "feelings" for one another.
WAYWARDS LIE !!!!!!! This is a lie.

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And as others have said;

The married other man's wife has the right to know the truth about what she's dealing with....

This OM is probably spinning stories about how bad his wife is.... help her, she is the victim that needs the protection.





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CJ & Hubby,

I'm praying for both of you.

I can only imagine how tough this must be for both of you.





Recovery began 10/07;

Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
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The reason I would do something so cruel is because the mutual friend who told me what is going on, and who asked me not to tell is my boss.

However folks, my husband just gave me the ultimate out. He indicated that I promised not to tell, but HE DID NOT! I wanted to kiss his face all over and over! My hubby is the best! This guy will get what his smarmy butt deserves, trust me. In way more ways than one.

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Originally Posted by CeeJayKay
However folks, my husband just gave me the ultimate out. He indicated that I promised not to tell, but HE DID NOT! I wanted to kiss his face all over and over! My hubby is the best! This guy will get what his smarmy butt deserves, trust me. In way more ways than one.

Your courage is underwhelming.



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Originally Posted by CeeJayKay
The reason I would do something so cruel is because the mutual friend who told me what is going on, and who asked me not to tell is my boss.

However folks, my husband just gave me the ultimate out. He indicated that I promised not to tell, but HE DID NOT! I wanted to kiss his face all over and over! My hubby is the best! This guy will get what his smarmy butt deserves, trust me. In way more ways than one.

The only thing worse than making a BAD PROMISE is keeping a bad promise. You need to do the right thing and that does not involve "honoring" unethical promises.

Don't compound the crime by keeping a bad promise. Expose the affair wide and far and then explain to your "friend" that your principles would not allow you to aide and abet a crime.

Be loud and proud and take full credit for exposing the affair. You don't need to HIDE when you are doing the right thing.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by MelodyLane
The only thing worse than making a BAD PROMISE is keeping a bad promise. You need to do the right thing and that does not involve "honoring" unethical promises.

DITTO !

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Don't sacrifice your principles on the altar of a BAD PROMISE. Not worth it... Don't "honor" a bad promise.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by CeeJayKay
However folks, my husband just gave me the ultimate out. He indicated that I promised not to tell, but HE DID NOT! I wanted to kiss his face all over and over! My hubby is the best! This guy will get what his smarmy butt deserves, trust me. In way more ways than one.

Expose together.
As a team for truth.

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Originally Posted by CeeJayKay
The reason I would do something so cruel is because the mutual friend who told me what is going on, and who asked me not to tell is my boss.


This is like telling you your house is on fire but asking you not to call the fire brigade.

What a stupid and cruel request. At the moment you found out, and were probably in shock, you were getting leaned on to make an idiotic promise by a superior at work.

I would be a little angry about manipulation like that myself. Not a bit ashamed about breaking the 'promise' either.


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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Originally Posted by CeeJayKay
The reason I would do something so cruel is because the mutual friend who told me what is going on, and who asked me not to tell is my boss.

However folks, my husband just gave me the ultimate out. He indicated that I promised not to tell, but HE DID NOT! I wanted to kiss his face all over and over! My hubby is the best! This guy will get what his smarmy butt deserves, trust me. In way more ways than one.
Your boss' moral compass is very questionable. I think it's great that your H is on board with exposure, but I think you need to put some snap in your suspenders and stand up for what's right, without regard for other peoples' agendas or opinions. It's the right thing to do, and the safest thing for your daughter and her marriage. That makes it a no-brainer. (Oh, and another thing: be ready for your daughter to suddenly want to reconcile with her husband when the POSOM is out of the picture. It happens pretty much every time exposure is done and the A is killed.)


D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

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Is the violence from your daughters betrayed husband something she told you or do you know this for a fact?

It is very common for WWs to say this. It is also a great reason to persaude people not to tell the BH in 'case he turns into a stalker'

Most true abuse victims wont risk doing anything their h would not like. They certainly would not cheat. They are usually very much in love and wont leave, which is maddening.

Just saying.

Waywards lie.


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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Is the violence from your daughters betrayed husband something she told you or do you know this for a fact?

Very good question! One worth repeating.


A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb



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Originally Posted by Neak
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Is the violence from your daughters betrayed husband something she told you or do you know this for a fact?

Very good question! One worth repeating.

In fact, I would probably explore the "lies" he's been telling you as well. Who did you find out he was lying to you from? Your WWDD? She is probably telling lies.

CV


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Originally Posted by CeeJayKay
...but my daughter didn't kick her husband out because of the affair. She kicked him out because he is a lying, lazy, overbearing, emotionally and sometimes physically abusive bum.

Oh, for the love of Pete, you probably uttered the same crap about your husband when you cheated.

Of course it's always the faithful spouse's fault that the wayward has to cheat and demand divorce!

Get outta mommy mode here, you know the lies, you told them.


"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr

"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer

"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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Originally Posted by indiegirl
Is the violence from your daughters betrayed husband something she told you or do you know this for a fact?

Originally Posted by CeeJayKay
My daughter and her husband have lived with us for the past year and a half.

I am trying to figure out how you didn't know about the violence if they had lived with you for a year and a half. Surely, you would have noticed or heard something if he was so abusive. Why did he leave without a fuss if he is so unstable?

I am also trying to figure out why you don't show more concern over your WD lack of character and integrity. Helping your WD hide from the consequences of her own actions will only teach her that it is ok to lie and deceive. All of her victims need to know the truth about their own lives. It is the right thing to do.

If her BS tries to take revenge on your family, call the police. They are trained to handled these matters. But I have a feeling that won't happen.



ME: BW
HIM: FWH
Married 18 yrs
DDay 09/2008 and 12/2008

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I exposed my sister to her fianc�. I caught a lot of flack for it. But it shook her out of her stupidity and has served to save their relationship.

Exposing family is tough and it will bring lots of heat on you, but it is the right thing to do when it is based on principle and things end up playing themselves out.

Expose together as a couple. Protect your DD from any possible violence from her BH, but don�t hide from the truth or protect her from the consequences of her actions. If she gets ostracized from the Renaissance Festival because of this, then so be it. It is a consequence of being with a married man.

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CJK

You are getting great advice / insights from the vets here. You should expose immediately - Exposure from both you and your husband.

I was struck by 2 statements you made in your original post that I haven't seen addressed yet.

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She said they'd had sexual relations twice since April 2011, and although they aren't now, they still talk to each other because they have "feelings" for one another. She said they've both mutually decided to call it off, but from my perspective, if he is still calling her, then it is still going on at least emotionally.


Do you really believe it was only 2 times? Do you really believe they have called it off when you caught her on the phone with him? Don't swallow the fog. Your daughter needs a strong and moral mother to help her now more than ever. You need to face facts and use your power of reason.


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We know this guy from the Renaissance Festival scene, and he propositioned me more than once this past spring. After telling him no each time, he stopped asking, probably because he was doing my daughter. If he propositioned me, and he got it on with her, it is only logical that he's probably getting some on the side with others.


Wow. This POSOM really has some nerve. Sounds to me like he was looking for the mother/daughter trophy conquest. Based on what you have told us, you and your husband are following MB principes so I assume radical honesty was used and your husband knows about this guy hitting on you. Given all of this, why is there any concern on your part about exposing this guy? You need to hit him hard with exposure.

As far as you daughter's BH - he probably sensed something was off since....April 2011. I do agree, if he is a violent person, you need to protect your daughter from violence. However, you need to be a strong mother right now. Now is not the time to shield your daughter from the consequences of her choices. As bad as this seems, it will pass with time as did the hurt to your marriage did in time. New forests grow out of scorhed earth if hte right seeds are planted. Do the right thing and help your daughter learn what the right thing is. She is young enough that it will be a life long gift she will eventually treasure.

T10


Me: BH 50
W: 43
DD 12
DD 10
EA Exposed / D Day: 4-30-2010
W strongly disputes / denies EA - thats the problem
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