Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 2 of 2 1 2
stillcommitted #2589101 01/23/12 09:29 AM
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 156
P
Member
OP Offline
Member
P
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 156
Originally Posted by stillcommitted
I sorry your crushing, don't have a cure for that one. WAY better than dealing with a WS though rotflmao

Amen to that! I suppose that's why I don't get the crush feelings I've had. I don't ever really want to risk being cheated on or emotionally abused again. Crazy woman I am. lol


Me (BS): 41
Ex (lying cheating piece of dirt): 43
Kids: 12 DD, 6 DS
Married 17 years
I filed: 9/25/10
Divorce final: 10/4/11
He remarried: 10/15/11

My current status: Healing a little more every day!
kaycstamper #2589115 01/23/12 10:07 AM
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,880
K
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,880
Prissanna,

I'm sorry, but you aren't ready to date. In your current state, you will "fall in love" right out of the gate, the relationship (if you even get to the point of a real relationship) will end abruptly as most do, and you will have even more heartbreak piled on to what you already have.

Until you can enjoy dating without viewing every guy as a potential Mr. Right, I don't recommend it. Work out, read, learn to play an instrument...but stay away from men while you heal.

If you must have the company of a man, find a gay one. LOL


Divorced
Krazy71 #2589160 01/23/12 11:56 AM
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 156
P
Member
OP Offline
Member
P
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 156
That is so funny Krazy! Me and an old friend from high school have reconnected and he's gay. I am ROFL at your remark. What I really want right now is friendship and conversation. Nothing more. It just all came about too freaking fast and it threw me for a loop.

I totally agree that I'm not ready. Thankfully I have learned something from this.


Me (BS): 41
Ex (lying cheating piece of dirt): 43
Kids: 12 DD, 6 DS
Married 17 years
I filed: 9/25/10
Divorce final: 10/4/11
He remarried: 10/15/11

My current status: Healing a little more every day!
prissanna #2589435 01/24/12 07:35 AM
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 156
P
Member
OP Offline
Member
P
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 156
This was in my Divorce Care email this morning. It is SO powerful! I wish they had classes closer to me that I could go to. *sigh* I think this is my problem. I tried to be the BEST wife I could be. Maybe now I can't separate myself from being a partner???

One step in managing your depression is to accept yourself as you are and to accept God's love.

"If you have thought of yourself solely as a wife or husband and you lose that," says Dr. Linda Mintle, "sometimes you don't even know who you are. You have to learn that you are more than just a relationship, . . . and you must ultimately define yourself in Christ. He delights in you; He has created you in a good way; His gifts are in you."


Me (BS): 41
Ex (lying cheating piece of dirt): 43
Kids: 12 DD, 6 DS
Married 17 years
I filed: 9/25/10
Divorce final: 10/4/11
He remarried: 10/15/11

My current status: Healing a little more every day!
prissanna #2589449 01/24/12 08:24 AM
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 156
P
Member
OP Offline
Member
P
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 156
OK. I have come to terms that this crush is all that there is. However, it still feels like rejection and I have a knot in my stomach because of that. What the flip is wrong with me? I've got enough sense to see that it couldn't work and I'm sure that's what he's feeling too so why do *I* feel rejected??? I'm tired of struggling with this.


Me (BS): 41
Ex (lying cheating piece of dirt): 43
Kids: 12 DD, 6 DS
Married 17 years
I filed: 9/25/10
Divorce final: 10/4/11
He remarried: 10/15/11

My current status: Healing a little more every day!
prissanna #2589458 01/24/12 09:20 AM
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 651
K
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 651
prissanna, here's another way to think about it....

You know that logically it would never work with this guy. He knows that logically it would not work for him either. But he still thinks that you're so cute that he's stalking your facebook page and "liking" everything you say. You're so attractive to him that he is ignoring logic. This is not rejection. He is fighting the feelings because he is remembering the facts.

When you were married, did you ever notice attractive men? I sure did. But it never went any farther than that because of the fact that I was married.

When I first got divorced, I tended to see a lot of single men as a possibility. Now that I've gotten more accustomed to being single, my attitude is changing. If there are logical reasons why it wouldn't work with a particular man, then he is just as off-limits as if he were married. If circumstances change and the reasons it wouldn't work go away, then that man might be a possibility again. But in the meantime, a crush on an unavailable man is about as helpful as a crush on a famous actor. It might be a little fun, but there should be no expectations.


Me: BS 51
Himself: WH 53, EA/PA w/ RunnerSlut his "running buddy."
Buncha' kids. The two youngest are still minors.
Separated: 08/13/09 after 25 years of marriage
Plan D: Filed 11/13/09 Final 3/30/11
MC told me that he probably has a personality disorder
Kirby #2589490 01/24/12 10:56 AM
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 156
P
Member
OP Offline
Member
P
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 156
Awww Kirby. You are so WISE. I want to think of it like that (actually it didn't occur to me) but he might just be a FB liker/stalker. lol You can't tell what other things ppl like unless the other person has a public profile.

I WANT to believe that the reasons it wouldn't work will go away but I don't want to hope for something that will never be. He told me he's ready to settle down. But since we met, no REAL conversation so I'm thinking that's my answer. He freaked before we even re-met about the possibility of moving back here. I'm just so tired of freaking analyzing it. One minute I'm depressed because I feel rejected and the next I'm like well it ain't over. Cahrazy! lol

Off to dream about Matthew McConawhatever his name is. lol


Me (BS): 41
Ex (lying cheating piece of dirt): 43
Kids: 12 DD, 6 DS
Married 17 years
I filed: 9/25/10
Divorce final: 10/4/11
He remarried: 10/15/11

My current status: Healing a little more every day!
prissanna #2589598 01/24/12 03:10 PM
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,463
K
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,463
Mathew who? LOL

I love Kirby's comments.

P, I love what you said about the remote. Okay, my assignment today is to make a list of all of the GOOD things about being single. I did that once, it helps. (You don't have to share the Doritos. You can watch what you want on t.v. You can adopt a dog without having to consult someone about it. If you put a ding in your car, there's no one to burst an aorta over it, etc. etc.)


Enacting life's lessons into positive change... .
kaycstamper #2589628 01/24/12 04:27 PM
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 156
P
Member
OP Offline
Member
P
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 156
I HAD to go look up how to spell his name. You MADE me go look it up. lol Matthew McConaughey *drool*

Do it! Make a thread about it. I'll add mine. It should be fun.

I've been reading the old threads in this section and it is SO helping me to realize where I am.


Me (BS): 41
Ex (lying cheating piece of dirt): 43
Kids: 12 DD, 6 DS
Married 17 years
I filed: 9/25/10
Divorce final: 10/4/11
He remarried: 10/15/11

My current status: Healing a little more every day!
prissanna #2592450 01/31/12 03:17 PM
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 1,171
W
Member
Offline
Member
W
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 1,171
I wonder if maybe it is actually good to have a crush on a guy who doesn't know...you are fresh off a divorce, and instead of getting involved in a real relationship that will end badly, you are in a relationship in your mind....you have to wait 6 months for this guy to be available...maybe that is a good thing...

wannabophim #2592519 01/31/12 05:41 PM
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 156
P
Member
OP Offline
Member
P
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 156
I see your point but I'm afraid my mind will want to turn it into something else you know? I become obsessive about things and drive myself insane.

I've done really good with this but today I've been thinking about things he said/did again. I don't get how you can let it go one day and the next day it's there. Our mutual cousin texted me today and asked how things were going. I'm like what things? lol She said well, you are probably still talking but not as much right? I'm like no. No communication. I was strong though cause I was tempted to tell her to text him and see what he said. At this point I don't really care what he says. He has as many issues if not more than I do. We both need some healing time. In six months ... who knows?

It hit me today that he could have met 'the one' where he lives and that made me sad. WHY would that make me sad???? Dummy! lol I want nothing more than for him to find 'the one' and be happy.

I think it all boils down to it feeling like another thing I've failed at. I know that's a STUPID way to think but it just is what it is. I know ya'll think I'm crazy and I'm sorry. I will move on. I will move on. I will ... hahahaha!


Me (BS): 41
Ex (lying cheating piece of dirt): 43
Kids: 12 DD, 6 DS
Married 17 years
I filed: 9/25/10
Divorce final: 10/4/11
He remarried: 10/15/11

My current status: Healing a little more every day!
prissanna #2592775 02/01/12 11:04 AM
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,463
K
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,463
I think it best if you try to not think about him. Keep busy!


Enacting life's lessons into positive change... .
Page 2 of 2 1 2

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 899 guests, and 46 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Nofoguy, Ingrid Guerci, Wifey02, forevermemorable, Hairyfeet
71,821 Registered Users
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2019, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5