Yeppers, write it out.

And get off of the computer at a decent time.

What about caffeine intake? I know that sometimes that affects my ability to sleep.

Just take care of yourself.

Its pretty bad. A chicken and egg situation. I need to get all sgt major on myself!

Its the stress, don't try to beat yourself up and expect to be at peace.

Let yourself off the hook,(while watching out for new ones?)

Think positively, and by that I mean expect good things to happen..

Par for the plan B course

Gee, I am glad you posted this. Prior to separation and D Day, I could be the sleeping dead. I'm not kidding, ear-plugs in, and I slept through elephants brushing against the tent, and lions roaring beside me. Once I got an inkling of an affair however... I have to say I have not really had a proper night sleep (like pre D Day)since. I like my sleep, so that in itself drains my lovebank lol!

For me, it has largely been my mind too busy with unanswered questions. Since confirming who OW actually was, this has dramatically decreased (even though I didn't know at the time, my subconscious brain must have been ticking it over). I am still very careful on the caffeine, and since sleeping tablets haven't worked for me, when I need a good nights sleep I have taken over-the-counter antihistamines that seem to knock me out. Phernagon, its called here.

Now here is the weird thing (and sorry for the tj Indie). I read about you and Scotty having dreams upon entering Plan B. I had none. Since confirming OW's identity... I am having many.

Let me know if you find any cures for the insomnia. I have tried some natural ones that didn't work. Exercise as well. I wonder about trying some meditation... or a friend recommended hypnosis.

I have been hypnotized(although it was in a bar and it was for fun), and it will only work if you believe it will work. It does work very well though. I used self-hypnosis while I was in labour.

I like to read before I go to sleep. Only problem is, sometimes I like the book so much I wind up staying awake to read it.

Meditation, or self hypnosis, works pretty well. It is the emptying of the mind of thought, and it is extremely hard when you are under stress, because we are in fear at that place.

Use your imagination to put your mind in a different place. I know it sounds irresponsible, but really, what else can you do, and how much will worry get you?

When practiced long enough, you will be amazed at all the thoughts running around in the back of your mind, that are causing you stress. The trick is, to let them go, and not try to force them. Don't let the fear/anxiety have a place in your mind, let it go.

Thanks CP. I needed to hear that. I am letting myself off hooks, but sometimes I can be hard on myself. It seems to require herculean efforts to get a new job right now, and I don't have it in me. I know I talk about how healed I am, my personal recovery etc but that's just in comparison to how I was a year ago. I still have much lower energy levels than the 'real me' but I am happy so long as I see progress.



When you said this I was stunned. I totally did not remember having dreams about them. But then it started to come back a bit. I still cant really remember what the dreams were about though. How odd, you would think Id remember them vividly.

I may look into hypnotherapy. I feel I just need a 'tweak', a bit more energy, more sleep and so much would be better. I should probably go back to yoga class too. They used to wrap up with meditation.

hi indy. i saw your post about the teaching earlier, and then got lost, but wanted to come back in and ask you some things.

what country do you live in?
are you open to additonal non-subject-specific training (affordable, can spare time, etc)?
does your country offer a special secondary training program for those with degrees?

after reading so much of your writing, i am just astonished at you not getting into the program of your choice!

i agree, substitute teaching is a great way to get a foot in the door.

please be taking care of yourself. sleep is vital to your mental and physical health. perhaps, like when children are babies, you need to try a night time routine for yourself?

be kind to yourself.

Hi Letty,

I live in the UK and yes, there are training programs for people with degrees. I first tried to apply for Teach First, a sheme which gets people with First Class degrees (the top ten per cent of graduates) into teaching, (I do have a First, in English Literature and Language luckily) by paying them a salary and training them in school. Because you get paid to train it's very popular and I didnt even get an interview, in spite of my local school saying they would hire me if Teach First granted me a place and the funding.

People said I would have to bite the bullet and pay for my own training, so I applied for a Post Graduate Certificate in Education at nnearby universities and everyone said that with my First, and my industry training in journalism I would be guaranteed a place, if I was paying for it (�9000 for a one year course, which is roughly $14,000).

Unfortunately the government has made quite a lot of teaching assistants redundant in the past few years. These people, who were earning minimum wage, and were then out of a job qualified for financial aid to get degrees and now I am competing against people who have BOTH schools experience and degrees. two uiversities didnt offer me an interview and the one that did said I didnt know enough about teaching techniques.

The main fly in the ointment is I dont have my high school maths qualification yet. I'm pretty sure this is why I didnt get on the Teach First scheme. You can't be a teacher in the UK without your English, Maths and Science high school certificates. I could only apply for three universities without having the qualification, on the understanding I would have it by the start of the semester (I sit my maths exams in June).

I may have a chance during the university clearance in august. This is the few weeks in summer where universities offer last minute places, but that doesnt really apply to PGCE as they are usually booked up a year in advance. I could also apply for Teach First again, but it would be next September now!

I just want to forget about it for a few weeks then go at it again.

Yes I do need sleep and a sleep routine!

Unfortuantely with my crazy job as a daily newspaper reporter some days I start work at 7.30am, other shifts start at 2pm!

This never mattered until Dday as I had a gift for falling asleep wherever, whenever.

I am thinking of getting a 'leapfrog' job. An admin job or the like with more regular hours, flexi time and less stress. Plus without my crazy commute and so much of my salary going on petrol. (�50 a week! thats $80!)

That way I might be able to fit in more schools experience around the job - or at least get time to recharge and rethink.

I read the first part of your response, and it struck me as funny..Isn't a degree training enough, that you shouldn't need to go get more?

(Ok, now back to your regularly scheduled program..)

Yes CP - it is totally stupid! Government claptrap.

Hey Indie, talking about education, I would like to talk about education...yeah, its me, and I like to talk..

When I was a kid, I read a lot, but being brought up in a rural backwoods New England town, it was kinda tough.

Se my Dad was old school farm stock, and could not read and write well, but bless his heart, he wanted me to get an education. Now as a little boy, I was raised to respect my elders, and work. "A hard days work never hurt anyone.."and so on.

My Dad worked too much, many times from 6 AM till he went to work at GE at 3 PM till he got home at 11:30 PM, sleep, repeat daily. He knew nothing BUT work, and he drove himself crazy with it too.

Mom was also a worker, and a salt of the earth kind of social and involved women, always faithful, to God and her family, and quite a looker too. Yup two awesomely hardheaded and disciplined people, who had the best intentions, so I better pull my weight,lol.

But I read a lot, and was a frustrated over-acheiver, with a marked complex and questioned my ability to wipe my nose properly. You know..Am I working hard enough? Did I do this right? Am I an idiot? Stuff like that.

When I was 22, after my first marriage broke up, and also after going from a burned out teenager to a married man at 18, a surprise father,(Wife stopped taking the pill a week before we got married? SURPRISE!)... Then to a management position, which I rocked at BTW thank you,and exhibiting many strong technical traits..

I decided to take a Strongs Cambell Personality and Career Inventory test, to find out what I was cut out for, and where I fit in..You know, the kind of test.."Would you rather pick a Rose or pick your Nose?" multiple guess ones, to see what other people like you do for a living..

Guess what? It turns out a College professor..Yeah the backwoods people were right, all that book learnin' and such..(Do I sound like the know-it-all type?)

But I was still proud of my heritage, and wanted to prove myself on their terms, so I applied myself in such a way. Plus I figured, I was still young, and strong, and I could do that in a practical way, and take up writing when I got to old to work..It is/was difficult, because to uneducated people, you can never prove yourself enough, the pride is something you can never overcome. Who wants to anyways? I was lucky to be so inspired to learn as I had, many did not have it so lucky, and fear drives pride...But I was driven by it too, and did not get that education that would get me to collegiate level.

Much of that came from my failed marriage(s), and the human frustration of those too. (Still trying to prove myself?)

Just sayin...(That always make me wonder what people are "Just sayin" does it you? Lol)..

You are smart, and that is the best gift, our minds,our imagination. It truly is a gift from God, to get us through the tough things in life, to imagine something better, to create a way out of where we are, and to bring us where we should, or want to, be.

God never gives us more than we can handle, and you are handling SoftLad like a responsible smart Lady,(Yeah I did it, I called you a Lady young gurl). Now imagine a future you can beleive in, the one you dream about, and live your dream. It's more real than the reality we live in, and truth is stranger than fiction

To sound like the egg-headed intellectualism type, just be..that is just good enough,and that is awesome.

Oh I know your smart cuz The Art of War threat is in yur sigline

Did I say too much? Lol..Iv'e got too much time on my hands anyways. Time to get going and living again..

Hahaha, no! You know my thread is where the movers and shakers theorise!



I can relate to this. I was brought up (and still live in) one of the most deprived areas of the country. I was the first in my family to go on to higher education. My mum says that when my dad saw me in my cap and gown at graduation, he had to go off and compose himself because he got all teary.

It was cool in one way, because I wasn't under the same achievement pressures as my fellow students. But they didn't have to work a couple of jobs to make it through either, but even that was fun. Everything is when you're 20!



Never touched a copy until I read the thread on here. So much for degrees when you have MB school!

SO sooo much going on.

I got the papers for my Decree Nisi today - which is half way to a divorce. Softlad has agreed to 'not defend' (fight against) the divorce as he agrees 'the marriage is over' 'though he does not agree with the reasons given'..

Um, so what.

Strange because I was so geared up for stuff like that to hurt, and it hasn�t. Maybe it hasn�t hit me yet but I can't wait to get those papers in the post and get myself divorced. That's just how I feel today. Maybe I will feel more grief in a few days though, you never can tell, can you?

I have my own little plans to focus on though. I am somehow going to find the time to send out LOTS of job applications. Sometime. I always thought single people had MORE time. I am not sure where all my time went.

I also have to figure out what to wear to a ball. Some friends and I are going to a charity ball in a medieval abbey next month, just for fun. I'm going to look SO good.

We've also agreed to go for rather a long walk. Up Ben Nevis, the highest mountain in the British Isles. It's about ten miles up the 'pony path' or 'tourist route' (I'm not climbing the rock face!) and should take about eight hours. Which means I have to get in shape between now and then (July) or I won't enjoy it at all and may have to humiliatingly give up half way. Long walks at the weekends in my new walking boots somewhere hilly, zumba sessions nightly and cycling should do it.

The trip up to Scotland should also be really fun and we're going to get a cottage to stay over at. There should also be some good pubs serving proper hillwalker breakfasts. I just need to get fit before I can earn that reward!

You're healing and staying busy and staying dark and that's why you don't feel it or just are stronger.

You may mourn it someday, but who knows. At least you know you can handle it.

You're a true MB success.
MB has saved you. Don't you think?

I owe MB SO MUCH. I owe Dr H my health and happiness. I am SURE I would still be a mess, still in the dark about being cheated on and getting pulled back in by lies whenenever I'd had enough of his puzzling behaviour.

Sure of it. You only have to look at his mother (so like me) and his dad (wayward) to see it. She's no fool in anyhting else but she cant see the truth of her marriage. MB saved me wasting my life on a lie.

Also, I am SOOOOO jealous. I wanna go to Scotland. I keep making jokes that I'm gonna move there. That way, my crazy family won't call me for silly drama things anymore. They couldn't afford it. HEHEHEHE

You sound great, and that is AWESOME. I am so glad for you. A PB ROCKSTAR for sure.