Lorraine, the POJA was explained to you six months ago from a poster who was trying to help you with this same issue.

Have you read the articles on this site? Do you understand that they will help you, even if your H is no longer in an active affair? The articles here will help you build a great marriage, but you have to read and practice them.

But is there something about your daughter's RELATIONSHIP, and not your husband's BEHAVIOUR, that you find "hurtful"?

How does your daughter feel about this situation? Does she want to bring this woman to the house, knowing that you find it "hurtful"? How is your relationship with her?

May I ask - how long has your daughter been living as a lesbian?

Sorry - still confused by some of this.

Lorraine, it takes 2 people to argue. It just takes 1 person to be honest. I would explain to him respectfully that you do not agree to have your daughter's friend in your home and ask him to cancel those plans. Don't argue, just explain your feelings.

Then you really, really need to check into getting professional help in recovering your marriage. There is a big problem in your marriage that still exists. Problems like that usually lead to repeat affairs.

Obviously, you have a say in who comes to your house. As does your husband.

Yes, her daughter is a homosexual and is in a homosexual relationship. THAT is what is wrong. She doesn't want the homosexual partner in her home.

You believe in reparative therapy for homosexuality?

Oy.

What is the issue for you, then if it's not sexual orientation?

Also? I am a parent. If one of my children is homosexual- that would not cause me grief- because it would be part of who they are, how they were born, and life.

I look forward to understanding why yor daughter's partner is my allowed in yor home.

Here is what she said:
He is trying to force her "accept" it by inviting the partner to her home.

But this is a separate issue. The issue here is that Lorraine and her husband are not arriving at a decision that they both find agreeable. It doesn't matter what the issue is - they need to arrive at a mutually satisfactory agreement. Her husband is overriding her. This should not be happening.

Melody- what are you saying?

That it's acceptable for her to treat the partner like this ? Because of sexual orientation?

Would we say it was okay if Lorraine wanted to ban all blue eyed friends of her daughter from her house and life?

Would we be telling her to POJA it?

Hold the phone here. Many people do not approve or condone homosexuality and that is their right and their choice. Just because you do does not mean others have drunk the kool-aid. Yes, Dr Harley does believe in reparative therapy.

This woman is here to get help with this program, not to be badgered because she exercises her RIGHT to disapprove of homosexuality.

You two need to agree that even though he has chosen a relationship with your daughter that includes her partner you do not chose the same for what ever reason you have.

All you wish is not to be forced to do so if you chose not to, arrangements will have to be made separately and not in your home while you are present, all encounters will be negotiated and approved a head of time to avoide any conflict you feel, you could fill your time elsewhere or he could go to their home.
It is workable through poja, accepting each others choices and respecting each
other.
You are both entitled to the relationship you chose with your daughter and you both deserve respect from each other how that will happen .
You will have to understand it will have a different meaning and experience for each of you.
Sit down and speak to your daughter and work out the logistics and respect each other, make sure everyone knows how the other feels, make sure you all know you want the best for each other and you love each other as mother, daughter and father and as a married couple.
Love and respect each other.
Open and honesty is the key factor and actions in a very loving manner.
Good luck

Having blue eyes is not a sin. Homosexuality IS. And she can ban anyone or everyone she chooses from her home.

Thank God we live in a free country, huh? We don't live in a facist dictatorship that is ruled by political correctness.

But it isn't up to this board to sort out who is right and who is being unreasonable. It isn't for us to adjudicate between the spouses. The reasons for this poster not wanting the partner in her home are not relevant to our advice. We are not here to tell her to accept someone into her home and family if WE feel that that the person should be accepted; it is her marriage and her feelings that count.

Our job is to teach her how to use POJA so that this and every other decision affecting the couple can be negotiated and solved BY THEM, without their coming to this board (or going anywhere else) each time they disagree about something.

POJA says that NO decision should be taken that hurts one of the spouse's feelings or interests. Other's people's feelings (the daughter and her partner) are not a priority here; this wife's feelings should be the priority to her husband.

If they cannot agree to allow the partner into the home, and cannot find another solution to meeting or acknowledging her, they should do nothing. This wife should NEVER concede to an action that she does not agree with.

Yes. The point here is NOT whether Lorraine wants to banish blue-eyed blondes from her home, or lesbians, or whatever. The point is that she and her husband need to jointly agree. One should not be overriding the wishes of the other. This disregard is damaging to the marriage. As we're seeing.

Bingo!

RidicSit - yes. One is not to challenge the reasons that someone is unenthusiastic, just try and brainstorm other options. I wonder, though, where respectful persuasion would come in.

MaritalBliss - that is an exceptionally narrow way to look at it. It is asking the other person (the one who must deal with the lack of enthusiasm) to adopt a level of detachment (this is not about sexual orientation, it is about my spouse's happiness) that seems very difficult to achieve. But, I understand that is what MB would prescribe.

Yup let's help her to learn POJA.

It is true, I mentioned this 6 months ago because the subject comes up every now an then.
Kerala: There is nothing about this woman which I dislike. I have nothing against her as a person at all. But seeing her with my daughter is a trigger and depresses me. I just start crying writing about it because it makes me feel soooo sad. My daughter's homosexuality is a result of that nasty period. She also never asked me if she could bring her partner.
MelodyLane
I have already told my husband that I find it upsetting. My situation now is that I do my best to avoid conflict.

Dr. Harley believes in reparative therapy?

I did not know that.

Thank you for telling me. This will be my last post here.

I am so disappointed I might cry. Wow.

Please help this poster apply Dr Harley's advice. This is not the place for an argument over sexuality. Any more arguments and this thread will be locked.