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Qwer,
All I know about the OM is he is not around us. He is someone wife met with she was back in her hometown.
I can't say for certain, but if I were a betting man, I would give you 75% odds it is an old boyfriend or ex-spouse. You likely already heard his name. Think back.
God Bless Gamma
Last edited by Gamma; 06/01/12 05:03 PM.
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I am confused here. I thought by leaving I would be in Plan B. Q. You have the steps in the wrong order. Here is what you must do. 1. Move home. 2. Install spyware on computer and phones to find OM identity. 3. EXPOSE to bring the ugly affair into the light and kill it. All the while you continue Plan A. This is your marriage and family here...put your fears aside...MOVE HOME. I can no longer do Plan A cos she already told me she's leaving. But she hasn't left...you did.
Last edited by pokerface; 06/01/12 05:09 PM. Reason: wrong quote
ME: BW HIM: FWH Married 18 yrs DDay 09/2008 and 12/2008
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Sorry if I left out some details.. I am in a confused state of mind now.
Basically, my wife is from out of town. She does not have anywhere else to go when I tried to throw her out. So she begged me to let her stay till she finds alternative accommodation.
I can't stand the thought of living with her anymore after she said she chose to leave. So I told her I will be out and let her arrange her alternatives and I will only go back when she isn't there anymore.
Have I busted any chance of salvaging our marriage? I'm suffering now!!
Me: 32 BH Her: 29 WW DD 3 D Day: 20/05/2012 Going through recovery... Hope we can do it..
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Qwer,
Have I busted any chance of salvaging our marriage? I'm suffering now!!
No you have not, you need to find OM expose him to everyone that matters in his life, especially his wife, he will then drop your WW like a hot potato, and she may come back to you, but you MUST ACT NOW.
You need to destroy the fantasy playing in her head.
God Bless Gamma
Last edited by Gamma; 06/01/12 05:12 PM.
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I have tried but I really could not find out who OM is. So I proceed with Plan A. But she told me she's chosen him.
Would I lose all respect and dignity by going back?
She also said she is likely to leave by Monday
Me: 32 BH Her: 29 WW DD 3 D Day: 20/05/2012 Going through recovery... Hope we can do it..
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Qwer,
Listen to what everyone is telling you and move back home, NOW. Even if you can't stand to be around your WW right now, I'm sure you still love your daughter. Your leaving the home is going to look as though you are abandoning your child. If this does proceed to a divorce, it will make it much more difficult to get custody of your daughter. You are jeopardizing your relationship with your child by leaving. This will not look good to the courts at all.
I know you're suffering. But imagine how much worse it will be if you lose custody of your daughter and she ends up being raised by your WW and her loser OM. Is that really what you want?
WW's threaten to leave all the time. I know I did. I didn't leave. Every time I threatened to, my poor BH just nodded and smiled and went on as usual. This went on for 6 months before I finally pulled my head out of my [censored] and realized what I was doing to my family. My BH didn't have MB to come to. He didn't expose the A at all, which probably would have ended it much sooner.
People here are experts in ending A's and recovering marriages. Listen to them. But the first thing you need to do is move back home, and you need to do it yesterday!
Me: BS/FWW: 48 BS/WH: 50 DS: 30, 27, 25 DD: 28 OC: 10 BH and I are raising my OC together.
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tell her she can leave but DD stays ... tell her she is welcome back once she is ready to follow your plan. (you will learn this plan from MB). You gotta find out who he is ... search the phone records for a number that tons of texts go to or phone calls you dont recognize.... look on her FB account at all her male friends.
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I should really move back but what should I say to her?
Me: 32 BH Her: 29 WW DD 3 D Day: 20/05/2012 Going through recovery... Hope we can do it..
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I should really move back but what should I say to her? "Honey .. I'm Home! .... Whats for dinnner?" smile .. and give her a hug( if she lets you) and carry on like all you needed was a short break from the house to recollect yourself.
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Also if she leaves is it plan B?
Me: 32 BH Her: 29 WW DD 3 D Day: 20/05/2012 Going through recovery... Hope we can do it..
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I should really move back but what should I say to her?
"I'm home! Daddy's home!"
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Qwer,
Very good chance OM is married and will NOT LEAVE HIS WIFE, another great reason for being home is you can find out who OM is, you can't do that where you are now.
God Bless Gamma
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Also if she leaves is it plan B? NOpe PLAN a and PLAN b are for you. You can not force anyone to do anyhting ... if she leaves (kids stay no matter what) .. thats her loss. let her know that .. tellher you know of a great way to make your marraige awesome .. but it wont work if she leaves.
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Qwer,
Also likely someone in her family in her hometown knows this OMs name, have you spoken with her family members?
God Bless Gamma
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All I know about the OM is he is not around us. He is someone wife met with she was back in her hometown. My wife works and she rarely spend time away from the home. I send and fetch her to/from work everyday. Qwer ... if you don't man up and take control of your life ... you will be divorced with OM moving into your bed, raising your child, and living with 30% of your salary. Your WW has taken you for a fool ... Move back into your home. Cut her off financially. Take control of this situation. If this is someone from her old town then you best be finding some old friends of hers (likely all on her Facebook page). Watch her like a hawk ... plant little bombs into her life with information ... i.e. how much OM will have to pay for her because you will seek sole custody, alimony, and child support from her. This is no time for weakness ... BE THE MAN OF THIS HOUSE ... save your WW and your daughter. Otherwise hand over your life to this low life POSOM (who are often very dangerous BTW). He is about to destroy you.
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Q. The key here is to be cool, calm, and collected like James Bond. Put yourself into character and move back home now.
Expect WW to be furious and be prepared for it. You just blew her plans to replace you with OM. She will try to manipulate you with anger and threats. All you should hear is blah blah. Do not engage in her anger. I will be surprised if she moves out...but don't let her take DD if she makes this unlikely choice.
Cool and calm. Move home. That is your first step.
ME: BW HIM: FWH Married 18 yrs DDay 09/2008 and 12/2008
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This is too emotionally draining. I feel like I can't take it anymore
Me: 32 BH Her: 29 WW DD 3 D Day: 20/05/2012 Going through recovery... Hope we can do it..
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This is too emotionally draining. I feel like I can't take it anymore Of course you can. You have no choice. You have to do it for the sake of your precious daughter. So take a deep breath and jump back in. Remember, your wife is an alien right now. You won't recognize her and most everything that comes out of her mouth will be nonsensical hot air. So don't listen to any of it. Just go back home. Read everything on this site, especially the stuff pertaining to an A. Order the book "Surviving an Affair" and read it.
Me: BS/FWW: 48 BS/WH: 50 DS: 30, 27, 25 DD: 28 OC: 10 BH and I are raising my OC together.
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I am confused here. I thought by leaving I would be in Plan B. You should not be in Plan B. Why would move out and abandon your family in their time of need? Do you want her to move the OM into your home to take your place? That is what will happen if you don't go home. GO HOME and find out WHO the OM is. Find out who he is by spying on her. Then come back here and we will give you next steps.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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This is too emotionally draining. I feel like I can't take it anymore You are going to have to face it head on or it will be much worse. Do you want the OM to move in and replace you? Because that is what is going to happen unless you go home and take care of your family. Most judges FROWN on a husband who abandons his family. You shouldn't leave yourself at a legal and moral disadvantage. Your marriage is under assault, you had better get home and defend it!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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