Get divorced.

You LIE.

Isn't lying in your marriage like building a house on quick sand?

Door #1 - divorce him.
Door #2 - tell him.

These are you 2 ethical options.

Yes, this is a tough room for conflict avoiders, no doubt. But it's the best room for them, as well. Don't confuse 'tendencies' with 'decisions'. You can decide to face conflict square-on. People do it every day. Or you can decide to hide and let Life roll over you. Your call.

I would like to see you in a place where you would say this first, instead of your original comment, which is self-serving. To use your analogy, wouldn't you agree that the dead fly has ruined the picture? I suspect you will find another reason to avoid this conflict after your kids are out of the house.

But good luck with that.

Does his wife know about your affair? It would be proper for you to inform her, because your affair is more than likely one of the reasons they divorced. She has the right to know what happened in her marriage. You do not have the right to so cruelly leave her in the dark.

I know I'm whistling into the wind on this one, because you will avoid the discomfort of having to own your actions, but you should know this.

More accurate:

You made vegetable soup.
You made the choice to put a dead fly into your husband's soup.
The fly did not fall in the soup.
You put it there.
You're not going to tell.
You choose to watch your husband eat dead-fly soup.
Why?
So he won't think badly of you.
The fly is already in the soup.
You want to "move on" and allow your husband to unknowingly eat flies.

"What my H doesn't know won't hurt him, right?"
"If H knew I PUT a fly in his soup, he might divorce me. Right?"

Prior to your A, you had trouble in your M. If you had never cheated, that's where we'd be able to start.

When YOU cheated, the whole scene changed. Instead of us being able to treat your M for an infection in a few joints, we found a M being overrun by flesh-eating bacteria, and in danger of dying. Until the flesh-eating bacteria are dealt with, there isn't much point even looking at the lesser infection.

It would be like trying to put a band-aid on the splinter in your finger while you're bleeding to death from a gunshot wound.

YOU caused the possibly-fatal wound to your M, and you would of course much rather we focus on the splinter that was partially your BH's fault, too. Instead of the gushing, spurting injury that was all from YOU.

This isn't just some accidental fly in the paint. This is you and your BH painting a picture together, and you took an exacto knife and slashed it to bits. He doesn't even know the painting is slashed, but I assure you the damage is already done.

Your BH has already been hurt badly; he just doesn't know it yet.

You blamed your own daughter to cover yourself?
(About the pictures on the 'putter)

shudder!

First time I have heard that there were good parts to an affair.

By far the craziest thing that came out of a wayward's piehole .... the OP is so foggy ... I think we need a foghorn to reach her.

This BH is in so much danger ... I hope you, Luro, understand the lie you want to withhold is by far as cruel as Hilter and his murderous thugs. You intentionally want to withhold truth from a man .... one day you will be caught. You have a 99.99% chance of getting caught. The truth will come out someday.

When it does ...

You don't want to hear because if your husband can have secrets, that somehow gives you the right to have secrets, too.

Stop naval-gazing. It's not pretty.

You were "brave" enough to sneak around on your husband, though.

He's not. He knows something is wrong, he just doesn't know what.

You didn't ... You tried ... so own up to it.

Then why are you here posting?

Then why are you afraid to tell him?

You can honestly sit there and not agree that a fly stuck on the painting IS GROSS???


Then you should have no problem whatsoever with talking about with the one whom it affects the most: your husband.

Waywards who are really over their affairs are more than willing to TALK about it, with just about anyone.

Correction: it will hurt your pride.


This only means that you have chosen to do nothing.


By then it will be too late. The only thing that hurts worse than an affair is being LIED to about the affair. A lot of betrayed spouses who would have otherwise chosen to recover with their wayward spouse, file for divorce when they learned they've been LIED TO FOR YEARS.