You got it! And you are talking to people who have been there, done that. Today I have a wonderful relationship with my son and he is a man of character that his peers admire.

Tell your daughter you expect better and will not accept her as long as she behaves like that. I would have NOTHING to do with her as long as she is some married man's mistress. How shameful of her!!

I hope you tell her how very ashamed you are and how she has brought shame on your family. That is exactly what I would tell my son.

This sounds like some kind of therapist psycho babble. Where did this 15 y/o theory come from?

Did you know that most therapists have no real plan for recovery and will waste thousands of dollars on naval gazing with no results except fueling the anger and self pity?

Agree with pokerface. That is a pack of crap. And if your DD needs "therapy" she is an adult and can go get it.

My son had more "trauma" than your daughter [his brother killed, his dad left for an OW when he was 17] and kicking his [censored] into line resulted in remarkable changes. He didn't go to one day of "therapy." His "therapy" was his loving momma holding him accountable.

"such a poor, undeveloped character is because she has never had to fend for herself. "

Quite the opposite. She's had to be the parent. She was left to fend for herself for years without any contructive parenting or boundaries. She was given too much responsibility far too young. Alienation is child abuse similar to that of a hostage. Think what it was may have been like for Jaycee Duggan returning to her family after 18 years captivity.

Her time to develop emotionally was taken from her deliberately.

That would be "too bad, so sad" for your DD if he did. She would be stuck with a lying cheater who has no respect for her and no respect for marriage. Her affair with this man has no future. It is doomed as 95% of affairs never make it to marriage. Of those that do, 70% don't last 5 years and are marriages fraught with adultery and conflict.

If you marry a cheater...............they cheat. What he did with your DD, he will do TO her.

And he won't leave his wife for a cheap piece of side action. They very rarely do. Men don't typically marry women like that. Point that out to your daughter. She is allowing this man to DEGRADE her only so he can get some nookie. She needs to have higher standards.

I'm glad this worked for you. That must have been hell for him to go through. However I'll never compare anyone's pain to another.

I want to see what response I get from the BW. Haven't heard from her yet.

I'm thinking "be care what you wish for, you WILL get it". She wants the WH and he wants her, it's his responsibility to care of her. Let them figure it out in the real world.

I just don't want to see her hospitalized again.

DD deserves someone (a man) to love her exclusively because she's that special. She deserves to live in a world without secrets and lies where she can hold her head up and be proud of who she is.

She only deserves what she earns. And so far she has not earned that by chasing the scraps of some other woman's marriage. BUT if you hold her feet to the fire and REFUSE to accept her as some married man's mistress, she is much more likely to live up to a higher standard.

I know you want better for your daughter because you love her and you are uniquely positioned to help her achieve that.

She is an adult who cannot be protected from the consequences of her poor choices. Protecting her keeps her crippled.

She has never developed as an adult and has very poor coping skills. She has never supported herself as an adult. But you can help her achieve that if you stop focusing on the past. The past should be left in the past. She is a grown woman now. Time to start acting like it.

Could the MM have intercepted the message? Can you call the BW?

Possible. The phone is in her name. But he keeps it with him.

What steps are involved if I don't hear from BW?

I would drive right over there and knock on her door and tell her the full story. Do you have copies of the emails, etc, you can take to her?

And did I understand correctly that this worm has actually been in your home?

Yup he has been in the home. This girl has zero respect for her mother and is practically begging for consequences.

When I was 15, (interesting theory) I wouldn't have done that to my mother and expected to live afterwards.

I've written a draft letter to DD and would appreciate input:

Dear XXXXXX

I know your affair with XXXXX continues. It�s written in your own words. As I have said before, I do not condone affairs that are based upon lies, secrets and fantasy. I do not support relationships with serial cheaters. Your behaviour has invaded BW�s privacy to a marriage with her husband. Your continuing secrets and lies with this married man are hurting our relationship and keeping us from growing closer.
You have two choices. One, you can end your relationship with Jody by cutting all contact with him until his marriage to BW is resolved conclusively. If you can do this, I can forgive you. Or two, you can continue your affair. However, I will no recourse but to step aside and give you 30 days notice from today to find your own place and will help you do so. After that, XXXXXX will have the sole responsibility of providing for you.
I will not stand by while you are involved in destroying another woman's relationship and hurting yourself. I will not enable you to continue to lie to me. Nor will I keep your affair a secret. Secrets are too damaging. It�s not healthy for either one of us. In order to protect our relationship, I will not have anything to do with you while you are a married man�s mistress.
I love you too much DD not to take a stand as your mom. You deserve to have a man love you exclusively. You deserve a life outside of the shadows with your head held high. Honourable men do not keep company with women behind their wives� backs. And they do not talk marriage with one woman while already married to another.
Whatever your choice, I need to know your answer by the end of the day.

In the main, I like it.

Maybe a few tweaks (try as you might, your - very touching - love for her bleeds into an apologetic tone here and there).

I've just taken out the parts where you explain yourself a wee bit too much as though trying to win her around. You need to come across much tougher.

She will attack you on your weak fronts and manipulate your love for her.

.

I love that you called her a mistress! Let's see if she can become mistress of her fate.

Don't help, or offer to help her find another place to stay.

Love this.

Thanks for taking the time indiegirl. I appreciate it. Sometimes it's easier to see when you have more than two eyes.

30 days is a long time and the waywards won't do anything until the deadline is close.

A lot of unprotected sex, manipulation and entrenchment of the A fantasy will happen in that length of time.

Is there no way to bring the deadline closer?