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Your exposure probably lit a fire under his butt. He probably would have asked you to recant, or something like that anyway. Good on you for not talking to him.
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
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Your exposure probably lit a fire under his butt. He probably would have asked you to recant, or something like that anyway. Good on you for not talking to him. Yup.
FWW/BW (me) WH 2nd M for both Blended Family with 7 kids between us Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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There's nothing MM could possibly say that I would believe anyway. He's told too many lies. Encouraged DD to lie to me. Even BW says he's manipulative. Nice try...but no thanks. If he tried say it didn't happen, my information comes from him messages to DD. Then, he'd either be lying to her or to me. Either way he'd be lying.
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You are doing the right things for your daughter. She's still in control of her decisions but you have made it clear that you will not enable self destructive behaviors. That is good parenting.
Why have you been separated from your other 2 children?
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Why have you been separated from your other 2 children? Actually it's other 3 children from parental alienation. It includes my S21 who has only spoken 2 not so nice sentences to me in 7 years. It's very much like a cult where the alienating parent is the leader, the children are the members and the targeted alienated parent has defected. The very short version is they've been brainwashed by their father into a hatred of me to the point of no contact so he can guarantee himself a free life with the children being his income. Their voices equal their father's voice. They are puppets, child soldiers. It's psychological emotional child abuse. Since DD renewed her relationship with me after 5 years of no contact, her father discarded her and has kept her from her siblings. It could be said they are being held hostage. The children are completely isolated from family friends church activities that have anything to do with me, including now the authorities and counselling. The legal system has failed them and me. I was falsely accused of something called "parent-child relationship conflict". It was the symptom, not the cause. The judge ordered a "temporary" suspension. I warned them I would not see my children again. They didn't believe me. 2.5 years and counting.... If someone ever says, parental alienation does not exist. I say they are blessed never to have had to live it. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I don't really want to talk more about it on these boards.
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In the message I sent to her about her typical mistress response, I felt like saying "Play time's over. It's time to grow up."
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You may want to consider calling the MB Radio show for advice on how to proceed with that
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I would like to share some of my personal experience with parental alienation. It happened with my mother. When my parents became divorced, my brother chose/coerced to live with my father, whereas I chose to live with my mom.
The alienation occured between my mom (including myself) and my brothers. They rarely spoke for many many years. Almost 12 years later (after the divorce) my father died. A couple years after that, my brothers finally started talking to my mom again. My father has been deceased just over 20 years now.
I remember one day my mom called. She was happy and crying. One of my brothers had spoken to her and said "mom, you are nothing like dad said you were". This was definitely a turning point for her as well as myself in rebuilding our relationships with each other.
It is very said that it took his death for this to happen, so much time was wasted.
"Get busy living, or get busy dying"...... The Shawshank Redemption.
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It is very said that it took his death for this to happen, so much time was wasted. Logans Run: I'm sorry this happened to your family. You know exactly what I'm talking about. Sometimes it doesn't end until the alienating parent dies. it's neverending grief. I'm glad you've all been reunited eventually. Nothing can replace the time that was taken from you. what did your brothers call your mom during their absence? I watched myself cease to exist in front of my children. I went from being mom to [w4md] to $*#% to nothing at all.
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I really do not remember to much about that time. There was much hurt and anger all around during that time. My mom, my brothers, and myself do not talk about that time much. We do not bring it up, we are not rug sweeping, it was what it was, kwim? We talk of family pre-divorce (our childhood) and our life and life experiences now.
I did say something once and my older brother became angry and offended because of my comment. He felt I felt I was making a snide comment of our father. It was just my prospective of growing up. When he came to me in tears and told me how upset he was. I told him that I was sorry about offending him. I went on to say, we both grew up in the same house up until the divorce, we both have very different prospectives on how things were. We are both correct in our own prospectives. This was only 8 years after my fathers death. A few more years went by before we all were able to communicate better with each other.
Things much better now, for all of us.
Time does heal. We are much closer now. There is much love with us.
"Get busy living, or get busy dying"...... The Shawshank Redemption.
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DD & I had finally reached again in the last 2 years what you have with your brothers now...and it's gone. It seems as if it never happened. it's so unfair. all because of a selfish MM.
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Just to let you know.....this was not a quick process for our family. This took place over a 30 year period, starting in 1982 the year of my parents divorce. The hurt feelings by my comment to my brother took place 15 years ago. This has been a very long process for our family. I never thought I would be able to have a relationship with my siblings or ever thought my mom would as well.
None of this was pushed. My mom was extremely patient, she let my brothers come around on their terms, she always let them know she was there for them,, never pried, never questioned, never showed sadness, pain, anger, and never bad mouthed my father to them or to me. I know she was sad about not spending many years with her sons, as a parent now, I cannot even imagine her her pain over the years. She is greatful now for her relationship now with them. We cannot change what was then, we have what is now.
"Get busy living, or get busy dying"...... The Shawshank Redemption.
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Logan I wish you could talk with my children one day. For me it's been 7 years with no end in sight. That's what's made my prodigal DD's return so wonderful. She called me on my birthday out of the blue to say "happy birthday mom" Who know 3 little letters could mean so much. I worry for all of them. I think I can understand your pain. The only thing I can equate it to is a kidnapped child, like Jaycee Duggan. They're out there someone and all you can do is wait and hope the damage to them is not permanent or intergenerational. The only thing that sustains me is that unconditional of a targeted parent is forever. The alienating parent is about control, not love. I have to wait that one more time or day than the alienating parent does. If you get a chance read http://www.akidnappedmind.com/. It's a true story. I've met Pam. She's phenomenal.
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Just received an interesting email from DD after being one week:
"I wish I could come home. My anxiety is so bad, I can't stop crying and I can't even go out. I'm scared."
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Just received an interesting email from DD after being one week:
"I wish I could come home. My anxiety is so bad, I can't stop crying and I can't even go out. I'm scared."
Still no remorse. Just all about her. No understanding.
I'm thinking of replying "you know what I expect from you. Feeling disgusted, surprised, angry, relieved, ambivalent.
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Just received an interesting email from DD after being one week:
"I wish I could come home. My anxiety is so bad, I can't stop crying and I can't even go out. I'm scared."
Still no remorse. Just all about her. No understanding.
I'm thinking of replying "you know what I expect from you. Feeling disgusted, surprised, angry, relieved, ambivalent. Did you tell her any conditions to be allowed to come back? End her affair and tell BW the truth?
FWW/BW (me) WH 2nd M for both Blended Family with 7 kids between us Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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She knows what I expect from the letter I gave her to give up MM or move out. I replied,
"I have faith you will work it out."
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Even though you have finally reconnected with your daughter. You will have to stand firm by your conditions for her to be able to come home. BH is right, she has to end the A and tell the BW the truth.
She is so young and she can turn this around. You are still her mom, she is still your baby girl. Stand firm. She will appreciate your strength in time.
"Get busy living, or get busy dying"...... The Shawshank Redemption.
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Just received an interesting email from DD after being one week:
"I wish I could come home. My anxiety is so bad, I can't stop crying and I can't even go out. I'm scared." She's playing you. Don't fall for it. Let her know that she is welcome to come home when she's dumped her loser OM for good, and that you will be talking to OM's wife to confirm it. I think she needs you more than she needs OM. Use this to your advantage.
D-Day 2-10-2009 Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever! Thank you Marriage Builders!
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She knows what I expect from the letter I gave her to give up MM or move out. I replied,
"I have faith you will work it out."
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