Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 2 of 10 1 2 3 4 9 10
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
You are not innocent. You go out of your way to hurt your wife. What kind of a husband does that?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 4,983
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 4,983
Originally Posted by MSaccused
Look, my wife is mad all the time. It doen't take anything to set her off. Sometimes I have to hide thigs because, as i said, she interprets everything as an affair. My women friends are single and so I'm not hurting anyone. I like women, so what.

She checks my cell phone, just because she found me talking to another woman. She asked us to stop and we did for awhile, but she was helping me. It was during a really hard time in the marriage and I needed some help.

If I clown around with another woman, like a funny email, or anything she acts like I'm trying to get a affair going.

This has been going on for several years now, ever since ssome friends told her I thought this other woman was really attactive. I was just doing business. This is the one who I was making a sale with. That set everything off. She interprets the terms of the sale to be too much in the favor of the other woman. I did do some dumb things after the sale, but I just wasn't thinking. It's my wife who's greedy for trying to get every dime out of this other gal.

I thought you people helped others.

So your wife is mad all the time because of your OS friendships and you justify this in saying "I like women, so what?"

She checks your cell phone because of your OS friendships and you are upset by this? redflag

"I did some dumb things after the sale" what does this mean?

"It's my wife who is greedy....." Look guys it is really her fault.

"I thought you people help others." Yeah, we do. Sometimes help does not arrive in the pretty package you expect.


"Get busy living, or get busy dying"...... The Shawshank Redemption.
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by Dr Bill Harley
"Isn't it interesting how someone can miss the point that mutual care in marriage is the only kind of care that makes sense? When your husband tells you that he wants you to care for him by suffering so he can have what he wants, he doesn't understand that this expectation means that he doesn't care about you. And that's the point."


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by MSaccused
I just thought of something.

My wife did have a friendship years ago and it hurt me deeply. So she's not so innocent. She dosen't have men friends becasue of that.

She showed caring for you and stopped having friends of the opposite sex. Why won't you do that for her?

Why would you place these "friendships" above your wife's happiness?? All you are doing is telling her you care for them than her.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 4,083
K
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 4,083
Originally Posted by MSaccused
I'm trying to establish that I'm innocent. I admit to having women friends.

I'm trying to tell my story and be honest about what I've done so I can get help.

I think this is a set up..she told to me to post here. That these people had good heads on their shoulders. Everying isn't what you say it is.

So you're trying to establish that you're innocent of having conversations with other women that hurt your wife?

You're trying to establish that you're innocent of contacting other women when she's clearly told you that this hurts her?

Either you are guilty of doing these things or you're innocent.

Do you establish that you have not contacted other women AFTER your wife has asked you not to?


Cafe Plan B link http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2182650&page=1

The ? that made recovery possible: "Which lovebuster do I do the most that hurts the worst"?

The statement that signaled my personal recovery and the turning point in our marriage recovery: "I don't need to be married that badly!"

If you're interested in saving your relationship, you'll work on it when it's convenient. If you're committed, you'll accept no excuses.
Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 23
M
Junior Member
OP Offline
Junior Member
M
Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 23
My point is she is suffering because she won't accept that i've done nothing wrong.

I made some finacial concessions after a sale that she thinks means I was taking care of the other woman. But, I say she's greedy becasue we got enough money from the sale. Got IT! This was years ago, and she still brings it up.

She doesn't have men friends because she says she dosen't want to do anything that even looks improper. Very high minded.
I can't help it if women call me and like me.

I love my wife and would neve be unfaithful

Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,389
A
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,389
Originally Posted by MSaccused
My point is she is suffering because she won't accept that i've done nothing wrong.

Your wife is suffering because you cannot accept that you are doing something wrong.

Weird, you have more female friends than I did when I was in high school (and I am female). Is it fair to say that you seek admiration from other women? That this admiration hurts your wife? That you hide things involving other women from your wife? Seems pretty clear.

Are you under the impression that you must tell another woman that you are in love with her or have sex with her in order for it to be cheating? Because that is basically what you seem to be arguing.

You sound like someone who just shouldn't be married because you do not respect your wife at all. You do not respect healthy boundaries in a marriage. Why are you married? I don't understand? Even many young single women do not have as many female friends as you, so who are you trying to kid that there is nothing wrong with your behavior?

Last edited by alis; 09/23/12 05:15 PM.
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by MSaccused
My point is she is suffering because she won't accept that i've done nothing wrong.

She is suffering because you are NOT innocent. You have shown a complete lack of care for her feelings by having opposite sex friendships. You know it hurts her and you continue.

So yes, you HAVE done something wrong. YOU HAVE HURT YOUR WIFE AND CONTINUE TO DO SO.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 1,956
Likes: 1
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 1,956
Likes: 1
The point is that your wife is suffering because you keep doing whatever you please, in spite of your wife's feelings about it. You should not have woman friends. Most people don't go out looking for affairs. But many people find that one of their friendships becomes more than a friendship.

Your wife is doing the right thing by protecting her love bank, her marriage by avoiding friendships with men. You should also avoid friendships with women. Period.

Have you read the basic concepts of this website? Following them will lead to a great marriage. Continuing to do what you please will help to destroy your marriage.


Married 1980
DDay Nov 2010

Recovered thanks to Marriage Builders
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
My suggestion to your wife:

Please consider separating from this man until he gets his act together. He is very uncaring and places his opposite sex friendships ABOVE your feelings and above your marriage. You come LAST in this equation. He treats other females better than you.

And he is headed right for an affair because he has such pathetic, inappropriate boundaries with women. He is the kind of guy who would have an affair just to punish you. He is dangerous to you.

Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
How old are you, boy?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
I
Member
Offline
Member
I
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
Originally Posted by MSaccused
Look, my wife is mad all the time. It doen't take anything to set her off. Sometimes I have to hide thigs because, as i said, she interprets everything as an affair. My women friends are single and so I'm not hurting anyone. I like women, so what.

She checks my cell phone, just because she found me talking to another woman. She asked us to stop and we did for awhile, but she was helping me. It was during a really hard time in the marriage and I needed some help.

If I clown around with another woman, like a funny email, or anything she acts like I'm trying to get a affair going.

This has been going on for several years now, ever since ssome friends told her I thought this other woman was really attactive. I was just doing business. This is the one who I was making a sale with. That set everything off. She interprets the terms of the sale to be too much in the favor of the other woman. I did do some dumb things after the sale, but I just wasn't thinking. It's my wife who's greedy for trying to get every dime out of this other gal.

I thought you people helped others.


I think this is a wind up.

No one could be this uncaring and thoughtless of their wife..!

I mean to make random female acquaintances and clients a priority, and to put your wife last on the list...

Is one thing..

But expecting a marriagebuilders site to support such cruelty too?

He simply can't be for real.

Originally Posted by MSaccused
I thought you people helped others.


Not if you're helping yourself to cheap, easy feminine attention whereever whenever you feel like it.

Telling your wife to put up and shut up.

Definitely a prankster!


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by MSaccused
I made some finacial concessions after a sale that she thinks means I was taking care of the other woman. But, I say she's greedy becasue we got enough money from the sale. Got IT! This was years ago, and she still brings it up.

You did something that made your wife unhappy and then accuse her of being "greedy" when she objects? This is your idea of love and care? This is our idea of ABUSE and MANIPULATION.

You could have avoided all this if you would have not done anything with this woman without your wife's enthusiastic agreement in the first place. Instead you treat this friend better than your wife.

That is NOT caring.

Quote
I can't help it if women call me and like me.


Yes, you can. You can stop acting like a weasel and start acting like a married man.

Quote
I love my wife and would neve be unfaithful

You are the kind of person who has affairs all the time. Saying you wont' be unfaithful is meaningless. The people who have affairs are the ones who say they will never have an affair. They are the ones - like you - who have no boundaries.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
I
Member
Offline
Member
I
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
Originally Posted by MSaccused
I can't help it if women call me and like me.

Just hilarious!

These women have got him thinking he's something special when he neglects his wife in favour of their friendship!!

That is the action of an egotistical boy.

Not the behaviour of a man.

If your wife is an MBer she'll be OK without you though.

I'm sure she'll give you a set amount of time to start being less selfish and egotistical before calling the lawyer though.

How much time do you think you have?


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
You torment your wife and then call her names like "angry" and "greedy" when she objects to your cruel treatment. That is called GASLIGHTING. Your wife should not put up with it. You are an uncaring, thoughtless, manipulative husband who does not care for his wife.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 4,983
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 4,983
What are the ages of yourself and wife?

Children?

How long married? Any previous marriages?



"Get busy living, or get busy dying"...... The Shawshank Redemption.
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 293
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 293
Originally Posted by MSaccused
I love my wife and would neve be unfaithful

I never thought my wife would be unfaithful either but guess what I am now in a fight for my marriage.


Me (H): 34
Wife (W): 29
Two kids ages 5 and 3
Married 6 years been together for 14 years
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,708
R
Member
Offline
Member
R
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,708
LOL.

If you are sincerely for real........you have much to learn. Much. Mucho. Lots.







Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
I
Member
Offline
Member
I
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
When you call your wife 'angrry' and 'greedy'

You do it not to ease her pain, but to shut her up.

You want her to suffer in silence while you flirt for free attention from other women.

Shame, shame, shame on you.

A real man is CONCERNED when his actions/friensdships/decisions are hurting his wife.

He doesn't insult her in an attempt to shut her up.


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
I
Member
Offline
Member
I
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
Originally Posted by MSaccused
I love my wife and would neve be unfaithful


Putting female friendships ahead of her feelings is NOT faithful and it is not loving.



What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

Page 2 of 10 1 2 3 4 9 10

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 1,079 guests, and 45 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Mike69, petercgeelan, Zorya, Reyna98, Nofoguy
71,829 Registered Users
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2019, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5