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Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Is this a first marriage for you both?

yes

in a ton of ways this was my first serious relationship

I dated plenty and even had some long term girl friedns but I never loved anyone before in 27 years

my mother always says I was born 50 and I am an old soul. It might be true because I always believed in the one and only love

I fear I have now lost mine forever frown


I just want to reunite my family and spend the rest of my life making up for the last two years.
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eo11 Offline OP
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Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Some suggestions would be to go to your boss and let him know you can't partner up with females because it is so bad for marriage. In the meantime, you could finish your degree or get training in a new field. I would brainstorm solutions with your wife.

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we have a 73 person office including me, 67 of which are female so it is hard, but I do do better.

And this is a big part of the problem. The people who have affairs are usually the ones who say they will never do it. The reason is because they have poor boundaries around the opposite sex. And working on a project with another woman is such an example. Your wife recogized the risk, but you didn't.

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I had never looked at it from that point of view, I was always hung on the I was not doing that...

I would think of solutions to this problem and discuss them with her in a respectful way. I would also acknowledge that she was correct in her jealousy.

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I would like to but she just gets so mad at the subject it prevents her from even trying to talk

When I say obvious I mean that I reduce everything to the basics and then address ways; communication, therapy, <open to suggestions> that we can over come the problem.

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That will probably kill any chance you have. See, you have destroyed your marriage by putting your wife in a position to have to COMPETE with other women. More of that will not bring her back.

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my thoughts exactly, she still gets insanely jealous of me even talking to females

smile

thanks again (you are kind of a ninja with this quote thing)


I just want to reunite my family and spend the rest of my life making up for the last two years.
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Originally Posted by eo11
[

thanks again (you are kind of a ninja with this quote thing)

Lots of experience! grin


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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She met this guy after we were officially divorced

The day before and the day after she met him she looked me in the eyes and told me she loved me. A week later she was dating him.
I suspect you will find that she started seeing him much earlier than 'a week later'.


D-Day 2-10-2009
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Thank you Marriage Builders!

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What is your shared parenting agreement like?
When you say the divorce is final, you do mean absolutely final, signed by the Judge. Right?

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Originally Posted by maritalbliss
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She met this guy after we were officially divorced

The day before and the day after she met him she looked me in the eyes and told me she loved me. A week later she was dating him.
I suspect you will find that she started seeing him much earlier than 'a week later'.

This happens all the time. Have you done a background check on this guy? If not do one just to make sure he has no record and is safe around kids

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eo11 Offline OP
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Originally Posted by HDW
What is your shared parenting agreement like?
When you say the divorce is final, you do mean absolutely final, signed by the Judge. Right?

yes final signed by a judge

we have week on week off, so Sunday to Sunday I have all four and the following Sunday to Sunday she has all four.

Was the only reason I agreeed to sign the papers she threatened to change it if I did not.


I just want to reunite my family and spend the rest of my life making up for the last two years.
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eo11 Offline OP
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Originally Posted by HDW
Originally Posted by maritalbliss
Quote
She met this guy after we were officially divorced

The day before and the day after she met him she looked me in the eyes and told me she loved me. A week later she was dating him.
I suspect you will find that she started seeing him much earlier than 'a week later'.

I hope not

This happens all the time. Have you done a background check on this guy? If not do one just to make sure he has no record and is safe around kids

he has multiple arrest, multiple divorces, a protective order, and a violation of protective order. currently there is an open warrant for a hot check

she over looks it all

the kids do not like him find he to be arrogant and rude.

in fact no one I have spoken to that knows him likes him?

her mother is on my side and her father goes to church with me and the kids.


Last edited by eo11; 10/04/12 08:12 AM.

I just want to reunite my family and spend the rest of my life making up for the last two years.
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Are you kidding?
You made a major mistake in custody.
I don't know how or why you agreed to have a low life scum like that around your kids.
But I hope you have sent a copy of his criminal background report to ALL of her relatives.
Also call the police and report his whereabouts. Find out how he drives, what time then call in and report a drunk driver anonymously. They will arrest him when he is pulled over

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eo11 Offline OP
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HDW ~ I have asked my attorney if there is anything we can do and he says not until something goes wrong.

I did nto have to send it to her relatives, they were all so shocked by him even being in the picture they all kind of did their own homework and there are no shortage of people calling him out for not being a good person.

While it sure sounds good to intervene and have him busted, but manipulation to an extent got me in this mess and I do not think it would serve the end goal of getting my wife back.

I understand what your saying though and I am scared to death for her or them to be around this guy.


I just want to reunite my family and spend the rest of my life making up for the last two years.
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Originally Posted by eo11
HDW ~ I have asked my attorney if there is anything we can do and he says not until something goes wrong.

I did nto have to send it to her relatives, they were all so shocked by him even being in the picture they all kind of did their own homework and there are no shortage of people calling him out for not being a good person.

While it sure sounds good to intervene and have him busted, but manipulation to an extent got me in this mess and I do not think it would serve the end goal of getting my wife back.

I understand what your saying though and I am scared to death for her or them to be around this guy.

It would have to be addressed before divorce. In custody battle.
She probably has been having an affair with him for some time and was told to conceal the affair so her custody wouldn't be affected.
Do what I suggested on finding when he drives and make an anonymous call and report him for drunk driving. His warrant will come up when he is pulled over.

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I think your wife has been seeing this scumbag for a while.
I suggest you email the Radio Show and ask Dr Harley what he recommends for winning your wife back: Plan A or Plan B

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he has multiple arrest, multiple divorces, a protective order, and a violation of protective order. currently there is an open warrant for a hot check



Originally Posted by eo11
HDW ~ I have asked my attorney if there is anything we can do and he says not until something goes wrong.

I did nto have to send it to her relatives, they were all so shocked by him even being in the picture they all kind of did their own homework and there are no shortage of people calling him out for not being a good person.

While it sure sounds good to intervene and have him busted, but manipulation to an extent got me in this mess and I do not think it would serve the end goal of getting my wife back.

Three comments and then 3 questions

Your divorced. You don't need an attorneys advice when you do things anonymously. You don't even tell him.

1. What does the word anonymous mean?

2. Are you going to sit on your F-ing hands and let 4 children under the age of 10 be around this POS because of what "my" attorney said?




I understand what your saying though and I am scared to death for her or them to be around this guy.

I don't get that feeling since you are willing to sit on your hands and do nothing for you children. May be too late for your W. Not too late for the children.

You going to do anything for your children???

nESRE

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Who filed for divorce? What exactly did you say to her? What exactly has she asked you to do, and when did she give you the list(per/post divorce, and how long have you had it)? Would you be willing to do a polygraph to reassure her of your fidelity during the marriage? Have there been ANY incidences of infidelity (ea or pa) in your relationship?

Last edited by JenniferVoyager; 10/06/12 07:25 AM.

Me, BS: 35
WxH: 36 "HAM" Hearts a mess
6yo DS (with WxH), 9 and 12yo DDs from first marriage
Discovered DH's affair in June, 2011
"I'm not having an affair, you're crazy." major gaslighting
Served with divorce papers on 2/3/12
Divorce final 7/29/2013
Living day by day, counting my blessings, loving my children
Personal Recovery well underway!
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eo11 Offline OP
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nesre ~ I really do not see what options are there? If I get him arrested, he will get out and it will just make him a martyr to her and make things worse? At least with the open warrant hanging over him I do not have to worry about him showing up at ball games or other kid public functions.

I need to do things the right way for the maximum long term protections.


I just want to reunite my family and spend the rest of my life making up for the last two years.
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eo11 Offline OP
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Originally Posted by JenniferVoyager
Who filed for divorce? What exactly did you say to her? What exactly has she asked you to do, and when did she give you the list(per/post divorce, and how long have you had it)? Would you be willing to do a polygraph to reassure her of your fidelity during the marriage? Have there been ANY incidences of infidelity (ea or pa) in your relationship?

I basically said sure, what ever, you are right. Again all meant in a spitful, smart arsed way, that was charged with defeated emotion. Never should have said it and it was not true.

I was asked to be less angry and yell less. Both of which i am working on diligently through therapy. Altough i have never enjoyed yelling and want to say do not do it unless I need to be louder than others. My voice does boom a little though so I do want to find other ways to handle things.

She has accused me of hiding my phone and asked that I stop. My phone is an open book and she has access to most every email or social web site I have.

Change jobs

Football being less important to me.

The list was provided in July post divorce.

I would take a polygraph.

While I have had amirers I have never sought or returned any affections to anyone else since I met my exwife. That is before, during, or post marriage.



I just want to reunite my family and spend the rest of my life making up for the last two years.
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Originally Posted by eo11
nesre ~ I really do not see what options are there? If I get him arrested, he will get out and it will just make him a martyr to her and make things worse? At least with the open warrant hanging over him I do not have to worry about him showing up at ball games or other kid public functions.

I need to do things the right way for the maximum long term protections.

That's the most insane argument I've heard for not calling the police

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Originally Posted by eo11
Originally Posted by JenniferVoyager
Who filed for divorce? What exactly did you say to her? What exactly has she asked you to do, and when did she give you the list(per/post divorce, and how long have you had it)? Would you be willing to do a polygraph to reassure her of your fidelity during the marriage? Have there been ANY incidences of infidelity (ea or pa) in your relationship?

I basically said sure, what ever, you are right. Again all meant in a spitful, smart arsed way, that was charged with defeated emotion. Never should have said it and it was not true.

I was asked to be less angry and yell less. Both of which i am working on diligently through therapy. Altough i have never enjoyed yelling and want to say do not do it unless I need to be louder than others. My voice does boom a little though so I do want to find other ways to handle things.

She has accused me of hiding my phone and asked that I stop. My phone is an open book and she has access to most every email or social web site I have.

Change jobs

Football being less important to me.

The list was provided in July post divorce.

I would take a polygraph.

While I have had amirers I have never sought or returned any affections to anyone else since I met my exwife. That is before, during, or post marriage.

If she gave you that list post divorce then she was willing to reconsider being married to you. Turn the scumbag boyfriend in and start plan A

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eo11 Offline OP
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Originally Posted by HDW
Originally Posted by eo11
Originally Posted by JenniferVoyager
Who filed for divorce? What exactly did you say to her? What exactly has she asked you to do, and when did she give you the list(per/post divorce, and how long have you had it)? Would you be willing to do a polygraph to reassure her of your fidelity during the marriage? Have there been ANY incidences of infidelity (ea or pa) in your relationship?

I basically said sure, what ever, you are right. Again all meant in a spitful, smart arsed way, that was charged with defeated emotion. Never should have said it and it was not true.

I was asked to be less angry and yell less. Both of which i am working on diligently through therapy. Altough i have never enjoyed yelling and want to say do not do it unless I need to be louder than others. My voice does boom a little though so I do want to find other ways to handle things.

She has accused me of hiding my phone and asked that I stop. My phone is an open book and she has access to most every email or social web site I have.

Change jobs

Football being less important to me.

The list was provided in July post divorce.

I would take a polygraph.

While I have had amirers I have never sought or returned any affections to anyone else since I met my exwife. That is before, during, or post marriage.

If she gave you that list post divorce then she was willing to reconsider being married to you. Turn the scumbag boyfriend in and start plan A

I hope and pray you are correct.

I am somewhat ashamed to say this but I do not know what you mean when you say plan a


I just want to reunite my family and spend the rest of my life making up for the last two years.
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Originally Posted by eo11
Originally Posted by HDW
Originally Posted by eo11
Originally Posted by JenniferVoyager
Who filed for divorce? What exactly did you say to her? What exactly has she asked you to do, and when did she give you the list(per/post divorce, and how long have you had it)? Would you be willing to do a polygraph to reassure her of your fidelity during the marriage? Have there been ANY incidences of infidelity (ea or pa) in your relationship?

I basically said sure, what ever, you are right. Again all meant in a spitful, smart arsed way, that was charged with defeated emotion. Never should have said it and it was not true.

I was asked to be less angry and yell less. Both of which i am working on diligently through therapy. Altough i have never enjoyed yelling and want to say do not do it unless I need to be louder than others. My voice does boom a little though so I do want to find other ways to handle things.

She has accused me of hiding my phone and asked that I stop. My phone is an open book and she has access to most every email or social web site I have.

Change jobs

Football being less important to me.

The list was provided in July post divorce.

I would take a polygraph.

While I have had amirers I have never sought or returned any affections to anyone else since I met my exwife. That is before, during, or post marriage.

If she gave you that list post divorce then she was willing to reconsider being married to you. Turn the scumbag boyfriend in and start plan A

I hope and pray you are correct.

I am somewhat ashamed to say this but I do not know what you mean when you say plan a


My suggestion would be to get BF out of the way and away from your children. ANONYMOUSLY-Do not ever tell her you had anything to do with it.

What are plan A and B

Not sure this fits since you say the R started after your D was final. Maybe others will chime in. Seemed pretty fast for a new R.

nESRE





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