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I know that its scary, but you can replace a job, you can't replace a marriage. She would have had to leave anyway if there is to be any hope of saving your marriage. At the very least, this will give her to motive to find another job AND eyes will be watching them at work.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Southpaw,

WW was very quiet after the first round of exposure emails.
I did not hear back from any of the recipients.


She may hear back from some of the recipients, of those some will be supportive some condemnatory, some disappointed.

Of those who don't reply however, your WW will forever wonder about how she now looks in their eyes, and how many people they told.

WW will never be able to bring OM into polite company, nor will they ever gain legitimacy as a couple with cute stories about finding happiness together. Her accompanying OM will make her feel like a scarlet woman and she will hear whispers everywhere. You have replaced the excitement of the affair with the truth of their dishonesty and shabbiness.

God Bless
Gamma

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I guess we'll just keep following Winston Churchill's advice in you signature.

One thing I forgot to mention is that she stated that she is going to move out and look for a place to live.

Also, I think her lawyer told her that she might be on shaky ground as far as the custody goes. So I think he is going to press her for the "indingities" part of the divorce complaint to come up with some dirt.


Me: BS - 55
Her: ex W - 50
Together 25 years Married 1990
DD 10/16/2012
DS 24&20
DD - 17
Currently in Plan B
Divorce Papers Filed 11/29/2012
Final Divorce hearing June 2013

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Refresh my memory, do you live in a state that takes adultery into account? Can you countersue on grounds of adultery?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by Southpaw
I live in PA which is not a no-fault state - however I understand that the adultery is extremely difficult to prove.

Mel, He's in PA. It may be difficult to prove but that doesn't matter.

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Originally Posted by Rocketqueen
Originally Posted by Southpaw
I live in PA which is not a no-fault state - however I understand that the adultery is extremely difficult to prove.

Mel, He's in PA. It may be difficult to prove but that doesn't matter.
Looked around and found this. It doesn't appear to be any different or more difficult than any other state.

Adultery

Adultery is sexual intercourse between a married person and someone other than the spouse. In Pennsylvania, neither cunnilingus nor fellatio, which the law defines as sodomy, is a ground for divorce and generally neither is considered adultery. The sexual intercourse must involve some penetration of the female organ by the male organ, but a "completion" of the sexual intercourse is not required. ;

How to Prove Adultery

There probably is no such thing as a pleasant adultery case; because names, dates, places, paramours, and the like have to be brought out in the open. If your spouse no longer cares about what you know and is open about the affair, you're lucky. You can then catch your spouse flagrante delicto, which means you have your spouse in the flagrant wrong and may not have to worry about hiring detectives. However, you may still need a detective to prove your case in court. There is still a need for a corroborative witness, such as a mutual friend or neighbor, who has no stake in the matter except telling the court what he (she) witnessed.

Most adultery cases are proven by circumstantial evidence, which means that you have to establish that your spouse had the disposition and opportunity to commit adultery.

Public displays of affection, such as hand-holding, kissing, and hugging, between the guilty spouse and the paramour are generally sufficient evidence to indicate an adulterous disposition. Opportunity may be proven by showing that your spouse was seen entering the paramour's apartment at 11 P.M. and not coming out until 8 A.M. the following morning and that they were alone. If you can only prove disposition but not opportunity, the courts may not allow your divorce because the court may reason that it is just mere speculation. The same is true if you only show that there was opportunity, but cannot prove disposition. When you think about it, this seems to make sense.


Naming the Co-Respondent

Sometimes known as a paramour, the co-respondent is the person whom you charge as having committed adultery with your spouse. The co-respondent has the right to hire a lawyer and file an answer to your complaint. Naming co-respondents can get sticky, particularly if your facts are incorrect. You might be damaging the reputation of an innocent person.

The Adulterers


Adulterers are not equal under the blanket of the law. In Pennsylvania, adultery may impact custody if the adultery is proven to have harmed or impaired the children. Adultery does not necessarily affect alimony awards in Pennsylvania. It will, however, be a factor for consideration in awarding alimony.

http://www.divorcelawinfo.com/PA/padivexpln.htm



Every man I meet is in some way my superior; and in that I can learn of him.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson


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Originally Posted by Rocketqueen
Originally Posted by Southpaw
I live in PA which is not a no-fault state - however I understand that the adultery is extremely difficult to prove.

Mel, He's in PA. It may be difficult to prove but that doesn't matter.

ok, thanks. I remember now. It is not hard to prove unless you have a lazy lawyer. A good lawyer can subpeona their records and easily prove the affair.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by Viper
[
Looked around and found this. It doesn't appear to be any different or more difficult than any other state.

Saying it is "difficult to prove" is the typical lawyers mantra whose goal is to facilitate an easy, amicable divorce. Everything is "difficult" when that is your only goal. Exposure is "difficult"; Plan B is "difficult," everything except rolling over and playing dead is difficult when your goal is an easy divorce.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Originally Posted by Viper
[
Looked around and found this. It doesn't appear to be any different or more difficult than any other state.

Saying it is "difficult to prove" is the typical lawyers mantra whose goal is to facilitate an easy, amicable divorce. Everything is "difficult" when that is your only goal. Exposure is "difficult"; Plan B is "difficult," everything except rolling over and playing dead is difficult when your goal is an easy divorce.
Hey, you know me, I agree 100%, which is why I posted what I did. He's taking way to much the word of his atty, and doing very little research of his own.

Southpaw, ever considered going to that motel and knocking on this POS's door and having a little man to wuss chat with him?


Every man I meet is in some way my superior; and in that I can learn of him.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson


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You might want to send letters to OM's temp agency as well.
Might as well turn up the heat where ever you can.


Me 58: FWH (NC 32 yr), W 60, married 36 yr, DD 32
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I should point out that I have not yet retained a lawyer on this - I have spoken to a couple of candidates. I know I can coutersue, and get cell phone records, texts sent to each other etc as part of the discovery process if need be.

Yesterday, I represented myself, I took the track recommended on this forum to emphasize marriage. When asked what my preferred outcome for custody was, I reponded that I want both of us to have 100%. I made it known that divorce for me would be a very last resort, and I am not going along with the "quick" consentual divorce at this point.

I amgoing to wait a few days until the other stuff we are working on filters through before retaining a lawyer.


Me: BS - 55
Her: ex W - 50
Together 25 years Married 1990
DD 10/16/2012
DS 24&20
DD - 17
Currently in Plan B
Divorce Papers Filed 11/29/2012
Final Divorce hearing June 2013

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Originally Posted by Southpaw
To my shock - the Monday after Thanksgiving I received a copy of divorce papers in the mail.



Originally Posted by Southpaw
I amgoing to wait a few days until the other stuff we are working on filters through before retaining a lawyer.

Sorry Southpaw...your WW seems better prepared and more serious than you.


ME: BW
HIM: FWH
Married 18 yrs
DDay 09/2008 and 12/2008

Recovered

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Way to go Southpaw! That 100% comment was right on target!!!



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Not sure about the law in PA, but in my state a child at the age of 14 can decide with which parent they want to reside.


BH(Me)=40
WXW=38
ILYBNILWY: 8/09
DDAY: 8/31/09
Two boys: 8,7
Divorced 3/23/2011

Don't let your eyes refuse to see. Don't let your ears refuse to hear. Or you ain't never gonna shake this sense of sadness. --Ray Lamontagne
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Update on this is as folling:
Divorce proceeding - next step is custody mediation and a status conference on Feb 13th

WW is still adamant that there is and was no affair - says that the motel visit did not happen - and she will let everyone know the truth about where she was once the divorce is completed ( FOG )

All of the disclsure steps are done,Her friends, her employer the OM's siblings and parents. only two reponses I got were from friends of mine ( husbands of friends of hers) stating that they are shocked/disappointed etc.

She told me the disclosure letters thatbwere sent out will prove to people just how much of a crackpot I really am ? and will validate her story. She said that no one that I sent the exposure letters to have contacted her to offer any support because they will be supporting her decision.

Apart from this, things are pretty normal - working with our son on college applications, went out for Dinner on Friday, went to Church yesterday. Installed a bathroom sink on Saturday. Then last night she made the "surprise" satement that she cannot believe how much I have been verbally abusing her in the last two months ( ???? MORE FOG ?????)

I hope to retain a lawyer some time this week. Not looking forward to spending more precious $$$



Me: BS - 55
Her: ex W - 50
Together 25 years Married 1990
DD 10/16/2012
DS 24&20
DD - 17
Currently in Plan B
Divorce Papers Filed 11/29/2012
Final Divorce hearing June 2013

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In defense of your daughter, however, it will be money well spent. You know how much of a scumbag this OM is. Who knows to what extent that might reach?


One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
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Thanks Karma - hopefully there are going to be brighter days ahead where I can get more than a couple of hours of sleep.

I'm doing a decent plan A job of being affable - it's tough to listen to comments like how "mean and nasty" I've become in her words.


Me: BS - 55
Her: ex W - 50
Together 25 years Married 1990
DD 10/16/2012
DS 24&20
DD - 17
Currently in Plan B
Divorce Papers Filed 11/29/2012
Final Divorce hearing June 2013

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I am surprised at the lack of respone to the exposure, I did get two emails from friends of mine offering support etc, but don't know how many people have contacted WW. She said she knows about the workplace exposure email and letter and says she "does not appreciate my attempt to get her fired". I did not respond, she told me that my exposure messages make me look bad ? and that people will think I am crazy. I guess that is the counter-intuitive part of it. She still denies that there is any affair - but I did not hear about the exposure letters that I sent out to the POSOM's brothers and Father - maybe he did not tell her about them ? I suspect when he goes to his hometown this weekend, he will get an earfull.

I am continuing to plan A, be nice, cordial etc - we are going to a swim meet to watch our kids this afternoon - about a 2 hour car ride.

I am working through the SAA book that I received this week I can see some similarities between us and the Jon and Sue story in the book.

I did get some good news this week, One of my bids for some new work is going to be successful ! I might have enough work to see me through the rest of the year if it works out. This will really help out in my custody case.




Me: BS - 55
Her: ex W - 50
Together 25 years Married 1990
DD 10/16/2012
DS 24&20
DD - 17
Currently in Plan B
Divorce Papers Filed 11/29/2012
Final Divorce hearing June 2013

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Originally Posted by Southpaw
I am surprised at the lack of respone to the exposure, I did get two emails from friends of mine offering support etc, but don't know how many people have contacted WW. She said she knows about the workplace exposure email and letter and says she "does not appreciate my attempt to get her fired". I did not respond, she told me that my exposure messages make me look bad ? and that people will think I am crazy. I guess that is the counter-intuitive part of it. She still denies that there is any affair - but I did not hear about the exposure letters that I sent out to the POSOM's brothers and Father - maybe he did not tell her about them ? I suspect when he goes to his hometown this weekend, he will get an earfull.

I am continuing to plan A, be nice, cordial etc - we are going to a swim meet to watch our kids this afternoon - about a 2 hour car ride.

I am working through the SAA book that I received this week I can see some similarities between us and the Jon and Sue story in the book.

I did get some good news this week, One of my bids for some new work is going to be successful ! I might have enough work to see me through the rest of the year if it works out. This will really help out in my custody case.

Lack of response to exposure is normal. I think I heard back from 1 person. It's sad that so many people would rather sit back and "not get involved". You did your part though and have others informed.

It is also normal for a wayward to call a BS "crazy". It's their way of gaslighhting you and making you doubt yourself. Don't pay it no mind and stay strong. It's not your exposure that is hurting her or her job, its her affair.

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Thanks RQ - I am hoping that they cut him loose soon - with his hometown being 3 hours away and him being a "traveller" for work - I would think the affair would be stressed.


Me: BS - 55
Her: ex W - 50
Together 25 years Married 1990
DD 10/16/2012
DS 24&20
DD - 17
Currently in Plan B
Divorce Papers Filed 11/29/2012
Final Divorce hearing June 2013

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