Trueform,

You were able to lie and deceive pretty well for several years. Where did you believe that would take you? To hell? Did you have the same fear that you would lose your family, soul and self? I don't think so. You weren't concerned at all until you were caught. Then you lied for as long as you could.

You have a bad habit of dishonesty, evidenced by your own statements and trickle truth. You may be feeling some warmth, but it is not from complete openness and honesty. Start there. Schedule the polygraph.

I realize this sounds harsh. The very first step towards recovery after an affair has ended is total honesty. It was a step my H didn't think he needed to make for nearly three years. It was three miserable years until H decided to be an honest man. I hope you don't spend the same chunk of time not getting anywhere.

AM

Why are you still trying to spin this? The fact that the affair was active during the first 2.5 years of your 4-year deception is irrelevant.

Instead of waxing poetic about yourself, why don't you focus on making amends to your victim? The first step is full disclosure. When is your polygraph?

Your husband, LatefortheSky, wrote:


Apparently, your plan WAS to give your body to the OM because your plan was to spend the night with him. You first proposed spending the weekend with him and that plan was foiled. When you were walking out the door, you suggested you might spend the night there.

So it is obvious you had hoped to spend the night with him and he had no commitment to you. He was committed to another woman so your words don't match your actions.

The story doesn't jive, my friend.

The post above


and this posted below are so disjointed with each other, that my only thought is you have been a liar since the moment you got married, and your betrayed husband may never get the truth because you have been delusional for so long.

Your Betrayed husband was second best ... you waited 20 years for a man you thought should have been your husband. How many years have you fantisized and dreamt of this POSOM? I don't believe you when you tell us you didn't think about him much over 17 years. If it only took one email to throw you into "LURVE" that says to me you had this fantacy of this man thought up in your head since the moment you got married, and you kept him alive in your head all those years.

Your poor betrayed husband ... that was 20 years you spent giving some fantacy your intimacy. Can you see how dishonest you live? Can you see how you gave yourself away to a "false man" and gave your husband only crumbs. WOW!!!

Even when you were found out ... your fantacy crumbled to the ground ... you defended and protected this fantacy with trickle truth ... as if this story you kept alive for all these years was real.

I would sit down with your betrayed husband and do a radical honesty dump on him. You need to let him know each and every point in your marriage when you made him second best, when you put "fantacy POSOM" ahead of him. Your betrayed husband needs to know this lie you have kept alive for decades. It robbed him of the intimacy he deserved from his wife.

To think that you only kissed him ... when you waited for him for decades ... I wouldn't believe a word you said.

I agree with all the posts here. Once again its all about you. Something tells me it only ended cause you got caught so now your trying to save face cause your rep is tarnished. When is that polygraph?

Trueform: In a previous post, you wrote "The night before I met him he did ask if I could spend the night." From your husband's account, you tried to arrange to spend the weekend with OM several days prior to your dinner date. So why did you lead us to believe that you and OM didn't discuss sleeping together until the night before your date?

Your story is unbelievable because it is obviously a story rather than the truth. Your account is full of holes and contradictions. A trustworthy denial is usually first person/past tense/event specific. Your comments remind me of the saying "Liars always overstate their case." Instead of saying "I didn't" you say "I never" etc. I don't see how you can recover your marriage until you start giving straight answers.

The story is as crooked as a roach's leg and just as disgusting. I'm waiting to hear the results from the polygraph.

How do you define "sex"? Are you referring stricly to vaginal sexual intercourse but excluding other kinds of romantic/sexual physical contact? I'm afraid you have been denying "sex" because your definition of the term is so narrow that it excludes the kinds of contact you and OM may have engaged in.

I was given a great gift in marring my husband I saw him as a very spiritual man. He was everything I wanted in a great husband and I knew he would be a great father. He saw me as a gift and is still acting that way even today even through all his pain that I have caused. In the very beginning of our marriage he desperately tried to have me see the truth in my past relationship with this Om. I resisted the truth that this man never loved me. Om only used me because I was there; that this Om had been free to marry me but choose another. I thought him cruel to say that, because I thought I could reserve that old relationship as my first love. What he saw was me and wanted all of me. What a gift he offered and I did not see it that way I thought him judgmental. This caused pain in his life in our marriage. We saw counselors that said he was jealous and obsessive. I believe my dear husband loved me so much he wanted all of me and was truly trying to protect me by helping me see the truth. My husband really was caring about my heart and soul. He cared so much He was so sensitive in a world that is hard and cruel. I did not protect his heart, his peace of mind. I have broken him because of my selfishness, my hardness. I did not care for his heart.

This good man, the man who married me, who wanted me, is still trying with everything in him to protect me. He even tried to protect me from all of you.

You are all right; I am a liar you saw right through me. The last 24 hours I told my Bh that I had a secret email, I took pictures of our kitchen, our yard, of me at our nephews� wedding (this was the first), that I said to the Om that if he would divorce his wife we could be together, that I went into the Om bedroom of the hotel room with the prospects of having sex after dinner.

I called this morning about taking a polygraph and gave the info. to my husband.

I have broken him because of my selfishness, my hardness. I did not care about his heart. I'm so worried that I have destroyed us.

true, you are afraid that you have destroyed his love for you. this is a selfish thought. you have just given your BH a gift: your honesty. no matter what happens now (and nothing is guaranteed - he may say it's over then change his mind [possibly many times], or even vice versa), you have done *something* right. make it the first of many.

I concur. I hope all goes well for you the truth is you have poor boundaries and compare other men to your husband when no such comparison should exist. Personally I think you had sex but the polygraph will rectify that. If you have read lovebusters you would understand that there's 3 kinds of liars and what type you are I suggest you buy it and do a polygraph even though your husband says no.

Do you understand WHY he was jealous and obsessive about this OM? It was because he knew the risk. And you didn't. His jealousy has been validated 1000%. It is tragic he was beaten up by counselors for his very accurate perceptions of a real risk to the marriage.


What is the rest of the story?

Lady, we are nothing but anonymous people who either walked your walk or that of your husband. Your husband needs to hear about the dirty details of your hotel visits with your other guy. Let him tell you when he's heard enough.

When my wife got caught she told me that it was only oral sex on him then 24 hours later she confessed it included full on intercourse. The relief she felt that she didnt have to harbor more secrets made the subsequent days and months almost easy for her.

Although he knows you did plenty in those rooms, you saying what actually happened in there is a good start to recovery. However, it could go the other way but thats the magic of this thing, you living in a purgatory of secrets ends and possible recovery begins.

You lied every time I asked about your physical contact with OM, offering false denials and insisting that you were not glossing over what happened in the hotel room. Why are you now pretending to be completely transparent and remorseful when you are still withholding that information?

Complete honesty is all that can save your marriage, Trueform.

X2

My H trickle truthed for more than 2 years. Our marital recovery did not even begin until H became an honest man. Today, we are in a recovered marriage and are very much in love with each other. A passionate marriage is entirely possible, but cannot occur until the dishonesty stops.

You still have more to tell, don't you???? You are still dancing around the edges of the truth.


AM

She is afraid that her husband will say no and divorce her for being a skank with POSOM. That simple, she is robbing his right to choose by lying and once again thinking of only herself. I really think no poly will take place because she will be unwilling and knows how to BS her BH into doing what she wants. As someone said earlier lying is part of her life now and for some reason she isn't ready to fix this. She wants to cake it in a false recovery. Cause POSOM loves her, so she thinks. I don't think NC is established either. She is way too foggy and her husband wants to believe her poppycock story cause he loves her so much. This is evident from how easy the truth trickle out to people who don't even know her. Harsh but true.

You claim that you've finally seen the light and are now walking with God, as you continue to lie and manipulate. Do you have any idea how offensive that is?

Trueform. I truly hope you have thick skin to handle the 2 x 4's you are getting here and that you will recognize that you are truly deserving. As a BS I can tell you the LYING is waaaaaaaaaaay worse than the initial betrayal.

Your problem is that somehow you think you are unique, trying to make what you did seem not so bad. When you read SAA you will find you are no different to any other wayward spouse. If you did have sex with POSOM it is not a surprising thing to any of us here or to your BH. We can handle the truth. Might as well get it out now rather than months later hence the reason for the polygraph. Create a timeline of the affair and give ALL the gory details. When, where, what and for how long. Unless and until you get all the facts out, no one will believe a word out of your mouth, least of all your BH.