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Originally Posted by TranquilDark
I disagree JC, I think she is baiting me to be an angry and abusive to justify her claims. The fact I am not is making her second guess her choices. She compliments me 2-3 times everytime I see her then immediately counters it with a fake snotty comment. "Your new outfit is nice you lost a lot of weight! Your pants are wrinkled though. "

Makes me think she hasn't shut the door but her fugged up loyalty to POSOM makes her apprehensive. She also stated that i should be happy cause im getting what i want (divorce). I politely said I want my family together and for us to work on the marriage but I will not stand by and let you lay up with some POSOM and hurt me and whenever she is ready for NC we can do it. She went on to say that I never wanted to be married and she was a trophy wife. I said no you weren't and that I will do what it takes to fix our marriage and expect her to do the same and if we can change the subject unless she agrees to NC POSOM. Either way she is still on the fence and Plan A till divorce is my best bet. I will do the pictures because I think its a good thing and won't hurt, who knows maybe she will have a turn around like kiss?

Since I haven't read your whole thread, I am pretty clueless. You've already figured out how OM is making LB deposits with her, and you've been trying to out-do him in those areas. Right? Obviously, I'm not referring to supplying her with pot. naughty

Also, I'm thinking you could easily out-do OM when it comes to meeting her needs for financial security and family commitment. As Dr. Harley says, the children's father "has the inside track" on meeting his wife's need for family commitment. Maybe you should focus a lot of effort on meeting that need, because OM can't really compete with you in that area.

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Yup that's what I'm doing, DD 4 knows abc and how to count and recognize numbers thanks to his father lol! WW compliments me in those areas every time she sees us together. I'm better financially as well since I make way more money than POSOM. I just have to stay the course that's all my impatience isn't helping at all. Honestly, I don't see a divorce being final but that could be my optimism getting the best of me

Darkguy #2704314 02/03/13 01:44 PM
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A card, flowers, and a family picture would be a nice valentine's gift, if you two are still talking and your plan a is on track.

My wife suggested a dozen of her favorite flowers for each year you were married. She said that waywards enjoy the romance heaped upon them by their AP's, and that their spouses stopped doing those kind of things. So it would make her feel valued. The point being, if you never did anything extravagant for your wife, maybe a show of extravagance will have an impact. This is coming from a recent (and reformed) wayward.

You've gotten different advice from everyone. I have often heard others say, don't go overboard. That is a turn-off. But this much we know: plan a is about showing her you love her and ending LB's. Whatever you do, do it from the heart remembering the things about her that you used to love.

And as far as today goes:

Niners 34 Ravens 24

Justthe3ofus #2704343 02/03/13 07:06 PM
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Thanks for the input and ravens doing DAT dang ting!

Darkguy #2704394 02/04/13 12:48 AM
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Originally Posted by TranquilDark
Thanks for the input and ravens doing DAT dang ting!
Ravens!!!!


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



BrainHurts #2704539 02/04/13 04:10 PM
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I would listen to RQ!! The photo scrap book she left me was a heavy hit to the heart. It was pictures through out our life together. Times when we were having fun and great memories. The biggest impact was she wrote in it our names with our wedding date till the day I moved out. It made me think of all the good times and that I would never have that again. That is a shock when you are in a non reality place at the time and not really realizing what you are doing to your own life and family. I ended my nightmare a couple of days later.

Go for the heavy emotional hit!!! It means so much more then the spent a lot of money and bought you jewelry or something expensive. Anyone can do that. Think of something special you had. Things that reflect the good that you had. Your child being born, wedding pictures, vacations, add pictures of great things you did as a Dad. Playing with the kids at a park, baseball game, playing with the kids when they were little. Make her think into the great things that she seen in you when you first fell in love.

Go for the emotional Home run!!!!

It's something that no one else can match.

Listen to RQ she pretty smart!!

KISS

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Thanks kiss I will do that!

Darkguy #2705251 02/07/13 08:48 PM
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Well WW called and says she wants to see a psychologist. She saw DD for a little bit. We went to where she staying we talked a lil bit about mouthing just small talk. Making small deposits here and there keeping up the plan A. She asked me for help with something her affair caused of course I declined and stated how the affair is hurting me and DD. That she needs to stop if she wants me to be in her life.

Darkguy #2705258 02/07/13 09:22 PM
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Good Job

Darkguy #2705279 02/07/13 10:58 PM
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She saw DD for a little bit...I declined and stated how the affair is hurting me and DD.

Wow! The trauma has created a gender-change in your child?

NeverGuessed #2705288 02/08/13 01:07 AM
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Sorry been very sick and didn't pay attention lol.

NeverGuessed #2705289 02/08/13 01:09 AM
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Lol NG! I noticed that in his last post too. TD you're not a troll, right?!

Your wife should probably see a psychiatrist. Good on u for saying no and I, like many, am amazed by your tolerance for plan A.


Me BW: 30
WH: 33
BetrayedP #2706220 02/13/13 11:02 AM
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Got her a card and chocolates with a photo album of all the pictures of us in happier times. Wanted to include this letter as well let me know your thoughts folks and edits if necessary.

This suffering your affair causes is immense. If the time comes and you want to try again, I will not punish you if we reconcile or pay you back for it is petty and unnecessary. The way I feel about your behavior is a feeling I wouldn't wish on anyone. We can only change the present and prevent mistakes in the future.
I finally finished that movie remember we watched it when we were dating and we never finished it. something stood out to me a bible verse. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.


You are my wife and together we can go on from here. If you choose so. I believe real love isn't an euphoria, obsession or butterflies in your stomach. That's only temporary. Real and true love is unity with emotion and reason. Love is a choice, I made that decision about you that day in the chapel on July 5th as did you.

It requires effort and discipline it is a choice to expend time and energy in an effort to benefit the other person and knowing that person's life is made better because of it. All the energy you are putting into your affair would be used towards or marriage. It would be better than before! I hope your health is good and that your taking care of yourself. Bottom line is I do care for and about your well being.

I can't read your mind but I'm sure this affair is the first time you done something like this. I have a feeling that your depressed and alone. Emailing this counselor might help you figure out what's going on with you. It's mbradio@marriagebuilders.com tell them your side of the story let them know your my wife. WW I will continue to pray for you, more than myself and keep you in my heart. No matter what you believe about me know that I care about you and I always have.

Darkguy #2706256 02/13/13 01:37 PM
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I cant offer good advice on this one.
Do you have any upcoming court dates?

I also encourage you to send letters and packages to the step son in PR. That kid must feel terrible.

(Personally I think you should send her a pile of horse turds and send her chocolates to the kid in PR but thats not Plan A advice)

Last edited by Jedi_Knight; 02/13/13 01:38 PM.
Jedi_Knight #2706276 02/13/13 03:10 PM
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Tranquil, I have a few thoughts on your letter. I wouldn't refer to her affair in it. I don't think that it is....appropriate to have it in the love letter. If this is what this is. I also don't think you should try to educate her with telling her what you need to do. I could edit it a little for you, if you would like?

Just my 2 cents. Anyone else?

Everthesame #2706280 02/13/13 04:04 PM
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Well, RQ, since you asked.....

The letter I would recommend would say:

Quote
"Happy Valentine's Day!"
(Do they celebrate Valentine's Day in %?#$%&# Puerto Rico?)
But, that's just me.......

NeverGuessed #2706297 02/13/13 07:58 PM
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I would like your edits RQ lol NG's isn't very plan A like neither is JK's

Last edited by TranquilDark; 02/13/13 08:22 PM.
Darkguy #2706304 02/13/13 08:36 PM
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TD my thoughts were in line with RQ. For a more MB like plan A letter the only mention I would make of her affair is that you are willing to do what it takes to recover the marriage once she agrees to no contact for life. But see that doesn't sound romantic at all. So I'd just leave out that part and maybe remind her later if she responds favourably to your letter.


Me BW: 30
WH: 33
Darkguy #2706306 02/13/13 08:39 PM
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There is a place online that you can actually send animal feces anonymously....yes I had googled it previously, not plan A but it did make me laugh.....all sorts of varieties, elephant, cow, and gorilla....assorted sizes as well..... grin


"Get busy living, or get busy dying"...... The Shawshank Redemption.
Logans_Run #2706310 02/13/13 08:57 PM
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Originally Posted by Logans_Run
There is a place online that you can actually send animal feces anonymously....yes I had googled it previously, not plan A but it did make me laugh.....all sorts of varieties, elephant, cow, and gorilla....assorted sizes as well..... grin
LMAO...now you have me googling things I never thought I would've.


Every man I meet is in some way my superior; and in that I can learn of him.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson


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