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Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 174
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Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 174 |
Woah...story of our lives.
*bump*
FWH, Married 12 years, 3 children DS age 5, DD age 1, DS 18/BW's step son.
3 PA’s with in 2003
Her D-Day 1/25/2013
Divorce final 9/24/2013
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,496
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,496 |
Been awhile since I've been on here, but lo and behold....another amazing thread by Pep!
BW(me)
DDay EA 4/05
DDay PA 6/05
In recovery
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Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 900
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Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 900 |
Yesssss...Three thumbs up!!!
Me: BW, 57 fWH: 63 (Taffy1) Serial cheater
Presently on the Recovery Road, in the Online program.
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Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 41
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Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 41 |
This is my MO. My WS is loud and during conflict he just gets lounder and lounder..and I shut down. Pattern started when the kids were younger because it seemed the more I said the lounder and more angry he became and it was a way of me trying to keep the situation under control. Our ability to communicate whenever there is conflict is dismal. He has a short fuse that I just can't relate to. We seem to talk in circles and not resolve issues..so I would just not address it which to him means I don't care. It is a wicked cycle. I always viewed it as more "peace keeper" but I guess I wrong. Lots to work on.
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
My WS is loud and during conflict he just gets lounder and lounder..and I shut down. Pattern started when the kids were younger because it seemed the more I said the lounder and more angry he became and it was a way of me trying to keep the situation under control. That is his way of controlling you. And it works! Since he is rewarded for his abusive bully tactics, he continues to use them. In effect, you have trained him to be a bully through the system of rewards and benefits.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 174
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Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 174 |
My WS is loud and during conflict he just gets lounder and lounder..and I shut down. Pattern started when the kids were younger because it seemed the more I said the lounder and more angry he became and it was a way of me trying to keep the situation under control. That is his way of controlling you. And it works! Since he is rewarded for his abusive bully tactics, he continues to use them. In effect, you have trained him to be a bully through the system of rewards and benefits. This was me. Guilty as charged 
FWH, Married 12 years, 3 children DS age 5, DD age 1, DS 18/BW's step son.
3 PA’s with in 2003
Her D-Day 1/25/2013
Divorce final 9/24/2013
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