I mean the stuff in the boxes thing.

I can spend time with my family. I guess I need to think more about the self care stuff.

You're in control of where this marriage is headed now, okay? Don't take anymore of his crap.

I'm concerned about you sadly folding each garment and going down memory lane , weeping, and getting very very upset.

Just dump it all.

Yes, you have some serious healing to do.

Atlanta,

I guess I keep getting stuck on the possibility he may be being honest with me at this point.

He is a serial cheater, with seemingly malignant narcissism, who trigger a rescue fantasy in those he ensnares. Since he lacks all self-reflection or self-critical abilities there is very little hope he can ever reform.

He also sound like a catch and release guy, who keeps makes up and breaks up cyclically, keeping women addicted/in his life to meet his needs.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Malignant_narcissism

His co-worker is married to a surgeon. She has a fantastic life.

I wonder if deep down guys like your WH aren't motivated by a deep seated hatred of women, and this is exactly the kind of woman who's life he would have pleasure destroying.

Also getting rid of this guy will feel like losing 30 pound in a diet.

God Bless
Gamma

You underestimate this man, Gamma. More like 175 pounds.

180 pounds, lol.

The malignant narcissim is horrific. omg. Whatever problems in life we have, he has, I pray he is not that kind of predator.

We moved into this house a year ago. new start. oh well. the boxes are in the attic.

He has these huge dramas where he gets so upset, it is the end of the world. There is not much of a filter between his brain and his mouth at that point. For example, he is upset, and I ask what I can do to help, and he says "leave me and never come back" or "congratulations on ruining another chance for us to be happy. You want to cause problems? Ok then, farewell to you."

Bleh.

Atlanta,

I didn't read every post on your thread but, it sounds like you are more of a commodity/asset to him than a wife.

What is keeping you from leaving if over half the relationship has been conflict, betrayal and stress?

If he doesn't respond positively to her email, she's kicking him out tomorrow and going to Plan B, RMX

"Bleh."

You sound healthier already!!!

Sometimes its just a matter of hearing "you are NOT crazy" "your feelings ARE justified" and "you DESERVE better".

Those are all true.

Sadly he has tried very hard to convince you otherwise.

We had a very good first couple of years. It was a fairytale, wonderful, he was the kindest and and most caring man. Self contained, sweet. And I still see glimpses of it.

I think his battle with his ex wife may have ruined him. And he has had that struggle there with her jerking him around over the kids in terrible ways, his own guilt, then anger and hopelessness. I feel sympathy to him, but he has become very angry, bitter, defiant, self entitled, cruel. It looks like a 2 year rage to me, which coincides with the birth of his son.

I guess here and now is probably not the place to analyze him, but I guess if he is some sort of narcissist, he may have hyper focused on the job situation as a means of trying to do something to "fix" the injury to his self worth after cheating, the baby, lying, etc. He was very despondant after he had cheated, low and despairing while he was in the affair. Then he broke free and came home, and for about a month he seemed to be pulling it together, then took a sudden deep plunge and shut me out, became very angry and mean in a lot of ways, cold, and evasive.

Looking back, I suspect his attitude changed when his ex informed him of the pregnancy. She was also at me a lot, telling me how he was going to divorce me and marry her again because "a family belongs together".

Atlanta, I don't care what your WH likes or doesn't like. He's disqualified himself from the discussion.

Pack up his box and remove it from your abode forthwith. Then go into a deep plan B.

In plan B lies peace, clarity, calm, acceptance. Take it, use it, find your feet and your serenity. Good luck, my friend.

You are excusing him, dear. You are not holding him to the same moral standards to which you hold yourself to.

Stop excusing him. I think Gamma is right in his estimation. At the very least, WH is a weak, destructive and very selfish man.

You have tried your best. Let him go and you think of yourself.
Plan B.

Atlanta, we need to call you out on such BS(betrayed spouse) fogbabbly.

You already told us this about your M:



He has been cheating and lying to you for your entire marriage.

I think he has been.

I guess that is all the stuff that goes through my head. Excusing him. I have been trying to sort out myself on what is probably co-dependence with all of that.

Yes, not only excusing him but taking it a step further and demonizing his ex (a borderline personality type that "damaged" him??? HUH?) in order to make his behavior make sense.

The answer can be found in the basic concepts. The principles are based on the premise that a spouse must CARE enough to change bad behavior and habits and take their spouse's feelings into consideration when making choices.

Your WH is the one who has a problem here. Not his ex.

You are right. He is the one. And he doesn't care.

YES!!!!!

He's a big boy, with big boy pants on. He knew exactly what he was doing when he left you and moved back in with his XW and getting her pregnant.

You're WORTH SO MUCH MORE, friend.