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I simply stated that the original poster was cheated on No, you chastised other posters on how they posted.
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I simply stated that the original poster was cheated on No, you chastised other posters on how they posted. Unfortunately that post has been **EDITED**.
3-DDays, 4-OMs*, Plan-D May 9, 2009, final Dec 2010 (FREEDOM!)
Custody of DDs / new job(s) / "I'm alive...and well"
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I believe my post was, "please stop beating him up..." or something along those lines...
3-DDays, 4-OMs*, Plan-D May 9, 2009, final Dec 2010 (FREEDOM!)
Custody of DDs / new job(s) / "I'm alive...and well"
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My point is we know very little about the OP, and to make judgements about their marital state / or lack there of, is, in my opinion, not the point. The point is the OP's significant other cheated on him. I do believe there are some MB.com principles that may help him. Focus on helping him...not beating him up for not being married / being a renter. Actually, we know quite a bit. YOU don't know much, because as you have said yourself, you don't have a clue what Dr. Harley says about cohabitation nor how Dr. Harley would advise a couple cohabiting. You don't have a clue, yet you choose to try to educate those of us who do know.
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Your dynamic is unique to you. Who am I to judge you. How could I, or anyone else here on this board, be qualified to assess your situation, and give you marriage advice? The question still stands, what qualifications do you/I/we have that makes any of us an expert on this type of situation? See, this is where you are being obstinate. You've been told numerous times that Marriage Builders specifically addresses cohabitation over and over and how a variety of principles behind it can contribute to problems later down the road (the renter's mentality being one of those problems). You, on the other hand, are insisting that this doesn't matter. That their cohabitation is irrelevent to solving the problem. You are saying that two renters are the same as two buyers. Dr. Harley would disagree with you, if you actually read any of those materials.
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**edit**
Moderator's note: do not post again until you have familiarized yourself with Dr Harley's principles.
Last edited by Fireproof; 05/31/13 06:34 PM. Reason: TOS disrespectful, disruptive
3-DDays, 4-OMs*, Plan-D May 9, 2009, final Dec 2010 (FREEDOM!)
Custody of DDs / new job(s) / "I'm alive...and well"
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I believe my post was, "please stop beating him up..." or something along those lines... It was harsher than that. And it was criticizing others on how they post. Nobody beat up anybody except you. We were busy trying to help him. YOU are being a distraction to that.
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I believe my post was, "please stop beating him up..." or something along those lines... They are not "beating him up". They are not saying "haha well you got what you deserved for not marrying her". They are saying WHY DID YOU NOT GET MARRIED ... because.... (we don't value marriage)(she wasn't sure that I was the right guy for her)(we decided later on that it didn't mean anything to us)(we just stopped thinking about)(we had a few hiccups along the way) (she had been having an affair and was putting it on hold to see if the other guy would work out)^ I have NO idea if any of those are accurate, but they are a variety of possibilities which may affect HOW this man should approach the situation. But if you think cohabitation is completely irrelevent then go ahead, but again, Dr. Harley would disagree with that.
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So back to my original statement on "knowledge."
By reading books, reading this web site, by your logic you are therefor an "expert" on situations like this, and henceforth qualified to assess individuals (via message board), make diagnosis, and prescribe methods of treatment(?)
Do you see any problems here? I never called myself an expert! But I've actually read the articles on cohabitation, which is apparently more than you have.
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****edit***
Last edited by JustUss; 05/31/13 06:33 PM. Reason: redundant
3-DDays, 4-OMs*, Plan-D May 9, 2009, final Dec 2010 (FREEDOM!)
Custody of DDs / new job(s) / "I'm alive...and well"
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What else are we going to do here? Exchange recipes with him?
Last edited by JustUss; 05/31/13 06:35 PM. Reason: removed quote
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A reminder to posters to please advise others using Marriage Builders principles. If you cannot, please refrain from posting.
ToujoursMB@gmail.com
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So if you are not an expert, then why offer advice? Because you have read articles? Question still stands...and has not been answered:
What qualifies you/me/us to give advice to this man? Yes, it was answered. You just don't like the answer.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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STOP THE BICKERING. Please contact the moderators if you have a problem with someone's post or qualifications.
Let's get back to marriage building.
ToujoursMB@gmail.com
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STOP THE BICKERING. Please contact the moderators if you have a problem with someone's post or qualifications.
Let's get back to marriage building. Thank you for the reminder, Toujours. I am concerned that the poster hasn't posted recently. I am alarmed to have read these distracting posts that have been totally unhelpful to the poster. I hope he comes back.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Wow I'm surprised at so much negativity on here it is not what I expected. Thank you for those articles and books I will get myself caught up with dr harleys ideas on renters buyers & freeloaders. I have heard him talk about it on the radio program but I'm not up to speed yet. I will be on the program thurs june 6 & hopefully he's a little easier on me then some of you lol. I understand that we have been living differently then is expected from mb & once I understand dr harleys view on cohabitation it might help me understand my situation better.
Keep up the positve posts I need all the help I can get, thanks ***EDIT***
Last edited by Toujours; 06/01/13 02:02 PM. Reason: Removing name
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canucks, Dr. H is a really great guy.  You'll like him. We're a pretty passionate bunch, here on the forums, when it comes to marriage building. Although I suspect you've already noticed that, yes?  Please don't let that keep you from posting.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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That's great, canuck
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Wow I'm surprised at so much negativity on here it is not what I expected. Thank you for those articles and books I will get myself caught up with dr harleys ideas on renters buyers & freeloaders. I have heard him talk about it on the radio program but I'm not up to speed yet. I will be on the program thurs june 6 & hopefully he's a little easier on me then some of you lol. I understand that we have been living differently then is expected from mb & once I understand dr harleys view on cohabitation it might help me understand my situation better.
Keep up the positve posts I need all the help I can get, thanks ***EDIT*** Great that you're sticking around. What other Dr. Harley's works can we direct you to? Will be listening to your show.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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So I was on the radio program today & it went great. It really mad me feel good to hear dr h say that we are heading in the right direction. We have spoken more today & she wants to come home and start the extrordinary precautions and start working on our relationship. We even discussed getting married in the near future aswell. I was pleasantly surprised to hear her say that she would feel much better with a clean start if we moved to possibly to a new city because this house had bad memories and it would really help the process. I'm feeling really good about myself right now and knowing i have been doing the right thing thanks to mb.
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