Anyway think we are in recovery now and I still have my copy of His needs her needs from before. I am going to read it again.

The plan I recommend for recovery after an affair is very specific. That's because I've found that even small deviations from that plan are usually disastrous. But when it's followed, it always works. The plan has two parts that must be implemented sequentially. The first part of the plan is for the unfaithful spouse to completely separate from the lover and eliminate the conditions that made the affair possible. The second part is for the couple to create a romantic relationship, using my Basic Concepts as a guide.

I'll describe these two parts to you in a little more detail.

The first step, complete separation from the lover and eliminating the conditions that made the affair possible, requires a complete understanding of the affair. All information regarding the affair must be revealed to the betrayed spouse, including the name of the lover, the conditions that made the affair possible (travel, internet, etc.), the details of what took place during the affair, all correspondence, and anything else that would shed light on the tragedy.

This information is important for two reasons: (1) it creates accountability and transparency, making it essentially impossible for the unfaithful spouse to continue the affair or begin a new one unnoticed, and (2) it creates trust for the betrayed spouse, providing evidence that the affair is over and a new one is unlikely to take its place. The nightmares you experience are likely to continue until you have the facts that
will lead to your assurance that your husband can be trusted.

An analysis of the wayward spouse's childhood or emotional state of mind in an effort to discover why he or she would have an affair is distracting and unnecessary. It takes precious time away from finding the real solutions. I know why people have affairs: We are all wired for it. Given certain conditions, we would all do it. Given other conditions, however, none of us would do it. So the goal of the first step is to discover the conditions that made the affair possible and eliminate them.

After the first step is completed, the second step is to create a romantic relationship between you and your husband using my 10 Basic Concepts here
as your guide. While your relationship may be improving, it won't lead to a romantic relationship because you are not being transparent toward each other. Unspoken issues in a marital relationship lead to a superficiality that ruins romance.

Your nightmares are only the tip of the iceberg. They are but a small reflection of the suffering you experienced when you discovered your husband's affair, and the fear you have that the suffering will be repeated. You have no assurance that the affair is over because you don't even know who the other woman is. You are being asked to trust your husband, who has already proven to be untrustworthy. For all you know, he could be working with her, or you could be going to the same church, or she could be
your neighbor. And since he won't discuss the details of how the affair took place, you have no assurance that another affair will not take its place.

Infidelity is not something that can be swept under the rug. While those who have affairs want to forget about it and move on, those who are betrayed must take very specific steps before they can fully recover. In your case, those steps have not been taken, and as a result, your fear persists. I will send you a complimentary copy of my book, "Surviving an Affair," if you send me your address. It will describe these two steps to you and provide you with a roadmap toward full recovery. But the path will require full disclosure of all details.

I asked Jesus to make me a better wife and mother because I seem to always fail. So again I am asking him for help, he is probably sick of me bugging him all the time wanting His help lol.

Jesus is probably sick of sending you the help you need and being IGNORED. How can he help you if you IGNORE HIM?

I found out he felt lonely and unloved was the reason he had an affair.

I am in complete shock that he even felt that way.

I am going to get that log out of my eye before we address his speck.

The weird thing is that me having bipolar disorder I feel things much more deeply than most people.

Anyway think we are in recovery now and I still have my copy of His needs her needs from before.

God Will Help Me



There was a very religious man named Jim, who lived near a river. One
day, the river rose over the banks and flooded the town, and Jim was
forced to climb onto his porch roof. While sitting there, a man in a
boat came along and told Jim to get in the boat with him.
Jim said, "No, that's okay. God will take care of me."
So, the man in the boat drove off.
The water rose higher, so Jim climbed onto his roof. At that time,
another boat came along, and the person in that one told Jim to get
in.
Jim replied, "No, that's okay. God will take care of me."
The person in the boat then left.
The water rose even more, and Jim climbed onto his chimney. A
helicopter came along and lowered a ladder for him. The woman in the
helicopter told Jim to climb up the ladder and get in.
Jim said, "That's okay."
The woman said, "Are you sure?"
Jim replied, "Yeah, I'm sure God will take care of me."
Finally, the water rose too high and Jim drowned. Jim got to heaven
and was face-to-face with God.
Jim said to God, "You told me that you would take care of me! What
happened?"
God replied, "Well, I sent you two boats and a helicopter. What else
did you want?"

God Will Help Me



There was a very religious man named Jim, who's wife had an affair. One
day, Jim found out about the affair. His WW admitted to it being an emotional affair and Jim found MB.

Jim started posting on the forum and the vets came to his rescue.

Jim said, "No, that's okay. God will take care of me."

So, the vets went and posted to others in need.

Several years later, Jim found that his WW was in another affair and admitted it was an affair.

Jim returned to the MB forum and the vets came out to his rescue again.
Jim replied, "No, that's okay. God will take care of me." The vets left.

The abuse continued with blame shifting, playing victim by the WW and justifications. Jim posts in recovery, because now he knows why his WW had affairs and they can get past it.

The vets come out again and tell Jim, this is not recovery, this is sweeping things under the rug and present Jim with a plan for recovery.

Jim said, "That's okay."
The vets said, "No it's not"
Jim replied, "Yeah, God will take care of me."

Finally, the abuse rose too high and Jim couldn't handle it any longer. Jim got to heaven at the end of his life and was face-to-face with God.

Jim said to God, "You told me that you would take care of me! What
happened?"
God replied, "Well, I sent you the vets at MB. What else
did you want?"

The MB version

Yeah your right. I was in denial. I cant do this anymore. I told him its over tonight. We can be friends but that's it. My head is still messed up and I wish I had some of my old friends from here to talk to. But you guys were right, I just cant ignore this or sweep it under the rug and I deserve so much better than this.