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Neak's Story
Neak #2741779 07/08/13 12:34 PM
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For those MB members, that feel they have my "true convictions" pin pointed and have vocally labelled me with them as such ~ I'm sorry, you are not correct.
I have chosen to remain quiet and not comment on any of the last 24 hours until now. I will say only that my BS, has misunderstood some of the comments I've made, during our conversations - he has admitted in his own thread that perhaps he may have misconstrued certain things. Now, on saying that, I will not be apart of anymore of "THIS" - "he said/she said", it will do our marriage and all of its issues no good.
The bottom line is, I love my husband and I want my marriage, those that feel I'm not serious - are entitled to their opinion, and I respect that BUT the fact that it is "just an opinion" doesn't change.
I mean no disrespect to those who are truly trying to help me and my BS, I mean only to point out that not all "assumptions" are always all correct.

Last edited by mrs_cen; 07/08/13 12:39 PM.

FWW, 36

mrs_cen #2741783 07/08/13 12:38 PM
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mrs_cen, you guys need to stop fighting, and I don't understand why nobody seems to be writing to Dr. Harley.

Stop doing anything your husband clearly isn't enthusiastic about (i.e., twitter, having a smart phone, etc.) Time to start subjecting those impulses to the POJA.


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
mrs_cen #2741784 07/08/13 12:41 PM
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The bottom line is, I love my husband and I want my marriage, I haven't "made contact", nor do I intend to
Therefore, you will give up the twitter, secret emails, etc and will be fully transparent, right? And will go forward with a polygraph, right?

Did you ever get rid of your iPhone?


Markos' Wife
FWW - EA
8 kids ...
What to do with an Angry Husband

Prisca #2741786 07/08/13 12:53 PM
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Getting rid of the iPhone is a great idea!!!


Ddays 2007 and 2011
Plan B 6/21/11
Divorced July 2012
2 kids
How to Plan B Correctly
Parallel Parenting in Plan B
markos #2741787 07/08/13 12:55 PM
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Originally Posted by markos
mrs_cen, you guys need to stop fighting

Didn't Dr Harley advise you guys to re-read lovebusters?

Maybe I am getting things mixed up, but I would advise you two to re-read it perhaps even daily until you two get the lovebusters under control.


Ddays 2007 and 2011
Plan B 6/21/11
Divorced July 2012
2 kids
How to Plan B Correctly
Parallel Parenting in Plan B
mrs_cen #2741788 07/08/13 12:56 PM
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Originally Posted by mrs_cen
For those MB members, that feel they have my "true convictions" pin pointed and have vocally labelled me with them as such ~ I'm sorry, you are not correct.
I have chosen to remain quiet and not comment on any of the last 24 hours until now. I will say only that my BS, has misunderstood some of the comments I've made, during our conversations - he has admitted in his own thread that perhaps he may have misconstrued certain things. Now, on saying that, I will not be apart of anymore of "THIS" - "he said/she said", it will do our marriage and all of its issues no good.
The bottom line is, I love my husband and I want my marriage, those that feel I'm not serious - are entitled to their opinion, and I respect that BUT the fact that it is "just an opinion" doesn't change.
I mean no disrespect to those who are truly trying to help me and my BS, I mean only to point out that not all "assumptions" are always all correct.

mrs_cen, you need to make sure to keep practicing the utmost transparency and the strictest extraordinary precautions, and following the program, and reaching out to Dr. Harley for help as needed.

There is nothing to be gained from arguing with posters on the forum about your sincerity. It doesn't matter what people believe. Your actions will show the truth. People have the right to assume whatever they want!

The big question to ask, all the time is, "Are we following the POJA?" Example being the twitter account: does your husband seem to feel happy in his gut that you have one? If not, you turn it over to him and let him delete it. Or the locked phone: was he turning cartwheels of joy about that? Definitely not, so you give him the password.

All of this is about behavior, not thoughts or feelings. Of course your husband is going to have negative feelings when he sees things like secret twitter accounts, locked phones, and anything else that he is not enthusiastic about. He's entitled to feel that way. Our job here as posters on Dr. Harley's forum is to help teach both of you how to stop doing the things that cause negative feelings in each other.


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
SusieQ #2741790 07/08/13 12:57 PM
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Originally Posted by SusieQ
Originally Posted by markos
mrs_cen, you guys need to stop fighting

Didn't Dr Harley advise you guys to re-read lovebusters?

Maybe I am getting things mixed up, but I would advise you two to re-read it perhaps even daily until you two get the lovebusters under control.

This is excellent advise.

You guys need to stop the damage, stop the bleeding. You will be in love with each other again if you stick to the plan and learn how to stop doing anything that the other finds demanding, disrespectful, or angry.


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
markos #2741791 07/08/13 01:10 PM
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Originally Posted by markos
mrs_cen, you need to make sure to keep practicing the utmost transparency and the strictest extraordinary precautions, and following the program, and reaching out to Dr. Harley for help as needed.

There is nothing to be gained from arguing with posters on the forum about your sincerity. It doesn't matter what people believe. Your actions will show the truth. People have the right to assume whatever they want!

The big question to ask, all the time is, "Are we following the POJA?" Example being the twitter account: does your husband seem to feel happy in his gut that you have one? If not, you turn it over to him and let him delete it. Or the locked phone: was he turning cartwheels of joy about that? Definitely not, so you give him the password.

All of this is about behavior, not thoughts or feelings. Of course your husband is going to have negative feelings when he sees things like secret twitter accounts, locked phones, and anything else that he is not enthusiastic about. He's entitled to feel that way. Our job here as posters on Dr. Harley's forum is to help teach both of you how to stop doing the things that cause negative feelings in each other.

EXACTLY.

People doubt your sincerity because of your LACK OF ACTIONS in addition to the RISKS YOU ARE FLIRTING WITH.

Actions are needed at this point. Not words. What actions are you taking?


Markos' Wife
FWW - EA
8 kids ...
What to do with an Angry Husband

Prisca #2741853 07/08/13 05:53 PM
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Edit

Last edited by mrs_cen; 07/08/13 06:05 PM.

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mrs_cen #2741859 07/08/13 07:39 PM
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What was that?


Markos' Wife
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What to do with an Angry Husband

mrs_cen #2741863 07/08/13 08:13 PM
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There is no Twitter account - I had it for approximately 3 hours, I DID use our son's email, because of what I saw come into BS "private" email, I didn't want him to know I was "snopping", I locked the phone, so he would see it and ask, and he did - that's when and how I brought up the "spam" message, he asked for the code - I gave it to him, he deleted Twitter, and the phone remains unlocked - as stupid and insecure as it sounds, he's mentioned revenge more and more and he's said he's disgusted and sickened by me, it's almost like I'm waiting for him to leave me.

We have NOT been following the two principles that Dr. Harley said would help save our marriage - POJA/PORH, we've both been so busy with the "I said/you said" that I believe we've lost sight of what our true goal is.

I have finished reading SAA (BS has not) we ordered Love Busters on Kobo and are now waiting for it to come in on paperback so we have both. I have adamantly supported (though admitingly not always enthusiastically) the idea of a polygraph and that remains true today, BS was aware that I contacted the examiner back in June to enquire about cost,administration protocol etc.

We both are committed to each other, our family and making our marriage work, though I think we are "stuck" in not knowing what we should be doing and in what order.


FWW, 36

mrs_cen #2741864 07/08/13 08:31 PM
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Did you get rid of your iPhone?

Quote
I think we are "stuck" in not knowing what we should be doing and in what order.

1. Complete transparency, for both of you.
a. Practice PORH every day.
b. Practice POJA everyday.
c. Get rid of iPhone
d. Don't EVER use lack of transparency to get each others attention
2. Start reading lovebusters. Read it everyday.
4. Polygraph.
5. Four dates, 4 hours each, outside the home. Use this time to meet he four intimate emotional needs (conversation, affection, recreational companionship, sexual fulfillment).
6. Write Dr. Harley.


Markos' Wife
FWW - EA
8 kids ...
What to do with an Angry Husband

Prisca #2741867 07/08/13 08:48 PM
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mrs_cen Offline OP
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[quote=Prisca]Did you get rid of your iPhone?

No, I still have it - money is an issue right now, so getting a new one, even a "dummy one" isn't an option. I've offered to go without a phone, and have BS contacted me during the day through the landline, but BS does not want me to not have a phone, he (through his own admission) wants to be "able to get ahold of me whenever he wants".

Do I refuse to carry it?
Do we get a key logger program for it?


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mrs_cen #2741868 07/08/13 08:52 PM
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They have prepaid phones for cheap available. This is what markos and I are currently using. It's no big investment, and probably cheaper than what you're paying for the service for your iPhone.


Markos' Wife
FWW - EA
8 kids ...
What to do with an Angry Husband

Prisca #2741869 07/08/13 08:59 PM
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Originally Posted by Prisca
They have prepaid phones for cheap available. This is what markos and I are currently using. It's no big investment, and probably cheaper than what you're paying for the service for your iPhone.

Yes, your right - BS is not enthusiastic about buying another one, when we have two brand new ones on his plan. I guess I can just refuse to use the iPhone until I get a "dummy"


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mrs_cen #2741874 07/08/13 09:29 PM
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Something is not adding up. He's complained about the fact that you haven't gotten rid of it, and now he doesn't want you to get rid of it?

This is an issue that keeps coming up, and the two of you need to discuss it (with POJA) and come to a conclusion so that you can move on.



Markos' Wife
FWW - EA
8 kids ...
What to do with an Angry Husband

Prisca #2741879 07/08/13 09:45 PM
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Originally Posted by Prisca
Something is not adding up. He's complained about the fact that you haven't gotten rid of it, and now he doesn't want you to get rid of it?

This is an issue that keeps coming up, and the two of you need to discuss it (with POJA) and come to a conclusion so that you can move on.

We've been discussing it tonight, he's agreed that we BOTH should give up the iPhones and get "dummy" phones. I AM in agreement as well.


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mrs_cen #2741882 07/08/13 09:54 PM
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Good.


Markos' Wife
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What to do with an Angry Husband

Prisca #2741883 07/08/13 09:59 PM
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Yay! One less fight!

Really, truly, as you tackle and resolve these conflicts, one by one, your marriage will improve in fits and starts.


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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