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There is a saying forewarned is forearmed. Don't let on you know about the ongoing A before you expose. A strategic exposure without any warning will be far more effective.
I understand your financial concerns and fear to expose to WH workplace but this is a key target. If you don't expose and the A continues without interference it will become more entrenched and harder to kill. The more entrenched it becomes the greater the chance the OW will have in getting your WH to leave you. If that happens your financial security will be impacted and OW will have the benefit of the money he earns .... sadly this is common for many BW.
Me 46yrs WH 46yrs "Isildur" Married: 22yrs 8mths DS 9yrs;DD 19yrs;DS 21yrs Bomb drop:marriage not working don't know if ILY 12.11.11 DD:26.11.11 WH moves to OW house 28.11.11 Formal MB Plan A 14.4.12 Plan B 27.4.12 D:20.7.14
"There are moments in life that make us & set the course of who we become. Sometimes they're little & subtle,sometimes they're big & we never saw them coming. No one asks for their life to change, but it does. It's what we do afterwards that counts & we find out who we are."
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Are you in North Carolina?
If so they are a fault state and you (may) be able to sue the OW for alienation of affection if you choose not to recover.
Not sure if that's been covered earlier in your thread.
Me: 30 Him: 39 Together 5 years Married the very best man in the world 04/06/2013 after being common law for too long. I'm a lucky woman. 7 Cats - Viscount Ashley of Leftfield, Pawkie Petunia, The Timinator, Leo the Lionheart, Fruit Snack, Cloud, and Barret And our very lucky pony, Starbucks
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Happyfuture - What you are saying makes perfect sense. It certainly requires a change in my perspective that is taking me a while to understand but I am getting there.
Viscountess-I am in NC. When I spoke with my attorney several months ago I brought this up. He indicated that she probably has few assets to go after because she is so young and it would of course cost money to sue her but that it could be done.
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So my next step would be to write up exposure letters/emails? Can I call people on the phone to expose?
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As far as WH is concerned, I still believe he is reformed and committed to our marriage. He has done nothing to earn that belief from you, hon 
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So my next step would be to write up exposure letters/emails? Can I call people on the phone to expose? Yes. You are on the right track.
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Prisca - sorry if I wasn't clear. I don't believe that but that is what WH thinks I believe. He doesn't know that I know he is still seeing OW.
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Expose BEFORE letting him know you know. This will give you the shock an awe affect of exposure to the full extent. He will have no warning and no ability to 'spin' the story (which he's already doing by telling all his friends that you're crazy, mean, unloving, etc).
A shock this big has the potential to shake him out of the affair. It will put a TON of pressure on the affair and just might kill it dead.
seek legal counsel first for protection. He doesn't need to know about this. Then full on exposure to everyone in both of your families, friends and the workplace. She needs to be exposed to..to her friends and family. You want these two to be totally unprepared and off guard.
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And, the legal counsel should be about your financial security and not about whether to expose or not.
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He's in sales - and he's sold you a boat load of fear about his job.
Frankly - he can get a better promotion by leaving to work for another company.
Sales jobs are the EASIEST to come by for people good at what they do.
Do not buy his fear.
IMMEDIATE Job change should be non-negotiable when you expose and confront.
Cafe Plan B link http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2182650&page=1 The ? that made recovery possible: "Which lovebuster do I do the most that hurts the worst"? The statement that signaled my personal recovery and the turning point in our marriage recovery: "I don't need to be married that badly!" If you're interested in saving your relationship, you'll work on it when it's convenient. If you're committed, you'll accept no excuses.
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Thanks everyone for all of the comments and encouragement. So to make sure I fully understand...should I bring up my knowledge that he is still with OW before exposure? As far as WH is concerned, I still believe he is reformed and committed to our marriage.
And yes, I am a SAHM with two little ones so I am totally dependant on WH for money which is why I am so hesitant to expose at work even though the A is through work. If he loses his job, my kids and I would be in financial trouble too. How is he "reformed and commited to your marriage" is he's having sex with men from Craigslist? Do you really believe he was "just joking" when you confronted him with the evidence? I understand that you are a stay at home mom. If you visit an attorney your rights (child support) will be protected. He sounds like hes having multiple affairs and despite how you think or feel, he will continue to do so
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He's in sales - and he's sold you a boat load of fear about his job.
Frankly - he can get a better promotion by leaving to work for another company.
Sales jobs are the EASIEST to come by for people good at what they do.
Do not buy his fear.
IMMEDIATE Job change should be non-negotiable when you expose and confront. There is more than a job change needed. He's soliciting men for sex on Craigslist and poses an immediate health danger to his wife. This is not a single affair partner. He's a habitual cheater
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Is there any hope for habitual cheaters or is it best to try to move on?
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Is there any hope for habitual cheaters or is it best to try to move on? It all depends on his willingness to change his behavior, establish extraordinary precautions, and create a romantic relationship with you. Dr. Harley doesn't advise wives to spend more than about three weeks trying to win a wayward husband over to this idea. After that, the threat to your emotional and physical well being is so great that he advises you enter Plan B solely to protect YOU.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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It sounds like a lot of the other posters are correct...I should be preparing to separate and expose in Plan B. As a Christian, I have been having faith and praying that the Lord would restore my marriage and my children would be able to grow up with their father at home. I guess at some point I just have to look after myself and my kids and let the Lord work on WH? Very sad.
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Can I still plan b if I am unsure I want to reconcile at this point but just state that I won't talk to him no contact with OW?
What do you suggest for plan b when there is also a newborn baby that is nursing who WH wants to visit?
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It sounds like a lot of the other posters are correct...I should be preparing to separate and expose in Plan B. As a Christian, I have been having faith and praying that the Lord would restore my marriage and my children would be able to grow up with their father at home. I guess at some point I just have to look after myself and my kids and let the Lord work on WH? Very sad. As a Christian myself, I can assure you that your finding this website is, in fact, the Lord answering your prayer. I don't know how your situation will work out, but I do know that following the MB program for recovery will give you the best result possible. At this point, concentrating your attention on yourself and your children is the best thing for your family, including your WH. Plan B preserves the balance in your love bank for the future. Should the future mean reconciliation, you are going to need every love unit you have spared.
me-65 wife-61 married for 40 years DS - 38, autistic, lives at home DD - 37, married and on her own DS - 32, still living with us
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I just exposed and went to Plan B. He left last night. I am already getting emails and texts from him. What should I do?
His email said: I am sorry for all that I have done. I would change it if I could. As soon as I find me, I am going to work to get me fixed again. I am so far from where I've been and so far from where I want to be. I just truly don't know where to start. As far as [OW], she has plans to leave the [company] very soon. She is not happy and currently looking for other employment.
His text, after exposure: I know that you're mad, upset, and hate me. I deserve it. But please stop contacting everyone and telling them what has happened. It's doing nothing good. Ive told you that I will do and give you whatever you want. I am sorry for screwing our marriage up and for hurting you. If you want me to leave my job, fine, I will. Just let me find another job first. This can't be fixed by doing more damage.
So MB folks, WHAT DO I DO NOW? Freaking out a bit.
Last edited by sleeplessinnc; 07/16/13 12:00 PM.
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I just exposed and went to Plan B. He left last night. I am already getting emails and texts from him. What should I do?
His email said: I am sorry for all that I have done. I would change it if I could. As soon as I find me, I am going to work to get me fixed again. I am so far from where I've been and so far from where I want to be. I just truly don't know where to start. As far as [OW], she has plans to leave the [company] very soon. She is not happy and currently looking for other employment.
His text, after exposure: I know that you're mad, upset, and hate me. I deserve it. But please stop contacting everyone and telling them what has happened. It's doing nothing good. Ive told you that I will do and give you whatever you want. I am sorry for screwing our marriage up and for hurting you. If you want me to leave my job, fine, I will. Just let me find another job first. This can't be fixed by doing more damage.
So MB folks, WHAT DO I DO NOW? Freaking out a bit. In Plan B, you should not even be hearing from him. You need to change your email and contact info. Keep up your exposure. He's mad; it must be working.
Married 1980 DDay Nov 2010
Recovered thanks to Marriage Builders
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