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Sounds like you are holding on to your 'vision' of what she once was. You know...looking at her through your minds eye in a way that is not real. Maybe you are making her out to be something she is not.

You are clinging to the past in an unhealthy way. Maybe it is time to close that chapter of your life. What you describe in her is extremely unattractive (from the outside looking in).

I know she is the mother of your child but why besides that do you want her? Is it just because you can't have her that you want her?

She is not the person you thought you married. You know, there are millions of other women out there. Why don't you have a look see? Date a few and see what happens.

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I'm good, thanks. I have yet to find a woman who hasn't betrayed me. I'll find a hobby or find someone who is fine with a casual thing. I did the marriage thing and that didn't work. Never again.


Nothing changes. I am stuck in hell. Every day is the same and I can't escape.
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Interesting. The xW is going to her parents this weekend and just asked me if I could take the dogs while she is gone. I thought I would mention in here and see what you all had to say about it. She did mention that she tried getting other people to stop by and feed them, so I am guessing I was her last resort.


Nothing changes. I am stuck in hell. Every day is the same and I can't escape.
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Update, if anyone is playing along at home. The xW canceled her trip to her parents because she could not find anyone to watch the dogs, and one of her employees can't work Saturday so she has to cover for her. I would have watched the dogs but this isn't my house and I was asked not to have them here. Just a little passive aggression between my parents and the ex.

But it seems that her worlds is less than rosy right now. Where's the OM? Why can't he feed the dogs? Hmm, I wonder. I doubt she'd take him with her since she has never even mentioned him to her disapproving family. Also, the business is hurting right now. She's losing her grip on that and she's asked me to do some work on the website (which I built). Asking me to watch the dogs, work on the website... what next?

I thought I was history.


Nothing changes. I am stuck in hell. Every day is the same and I can't escape.
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How did you find all this out? Do you still have a PO against you?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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As far as I know the RO still stands. I still talk to her father regularly, and that's where I get some of my info because she talks to her mom (but still not her dad)., She asked me to watch the dogs (bot not at her house). Then she asked me to either give her the password to the website login or make the changes. I know that she doesn't have the money to pay someone to make changes. The guy she had in mind to do it before would only screw it up. I'm really not knowing what to make of this.

She also asked me to watch the girls tomorrow since she can't go out of town, which is nice for me. She has to work to cover for someone who decided not to work Saturday or something. She is a bad boss - letting her employees do whatever they want, take whatever time off they want. It's a wonder the place is still in business. I know it is hanging on by a thread.


Nothing changes. I am stuck in hell. Every day is the same and I can't escape.
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Another weekend with my girls, another Sunday night depression after I drop them off with their adulterous mother. I'm just waiting these days, and nothing happens. She is still seeing the OM, and heard from my daughter that they all had breakfast together Saturday morning. How nice. I heard that he may have moved in, but a 4-year-old's testimony isn't all that reliable.

So the affair is supposed to fall apart on its own eh? It has been probably 18 months (at least) since she has been seeing this a**hole, and it looks like it's till going strong. With my luck they'll be that 1% success story. I sit here with nothing but empty time to wait until I see my kids again. If I didn't have that, I would probably shut the lights off.

I've about had it with this waiting, and I have thought about moving out of state. Historically, I have cut all ties with exes and have never spoken with them. It is just how I deal with that situation best. I can't do that here, though, because we have kids. This depression will last as long as this goes on like it has. I really don't feel any acceptance or any of the other "stages" of the alleged process yet, so I am wondering if it would be better if I just bailed and moved to another state and let the OM take over daddy duties. I've thought about the permanent solution as well, since I really have nothing going for me right now.

The xW once told me that "if you had f***ed me more, I would have worshipped the ground you walked on". So it seems that as long as someone is fulfilling that need for her, she will worship him. Doesn't look good for me. I would lay odds that she never comes around. I don't think she is in any fog - she knows exactly what she's doing and is simply a selfish person.


Nothing changes. I am stuck in hell. Every day is the same and I can't escape.
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Sorry man but I'd say move on. Don't give up on your kids but find someone more deserving of you. My W doesn't want me either and there's nothing you or I can do about that and there comes a point where we just have to accept it and pack it in IF that is thw case. A year from now we may be happier than ever at least that's what everyone tells me and I believe it. It takes two to make it work otherwise both of you will be miserable.

Last edited by RNR2013; 07/01/13 12:47 AM.
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You have to understand that I waited a long time to find who I thought was the right woman to get married and have kids with. I do not, and have never understood how people can get divorced unless they have really tried to work things out and it is the undeniable last resort. My xW did almost nothing to remedy our issues, which she never really told me about to begin with, at least not the severity of things from her perspective. I had a female friend tell me today that she thinks that there was some other issue that she had with everything, and she didn't want to tell me for some reason. Why else would she just cheat on me without really putting forth any effort? Yes, I read HNHN, but it still doesn't make complete sense to me.


Nothing changes. I am stuck in hell. Every day is the same and I can't escape.
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Blindsided,

With the great age difference between you and your exWW, I wonder if you are not putting too much emphasis on physical appearance which blinds you to defects which would be obvious otherwise. You mentioned that all your previous partners had cheated on you.

God Bless
Gamma

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Not sure what you mean? Emphasis on her appearance or mine?

Not all of them cheated. The first long-term relationship I had was pretty good. We were both in college. But the economy struck again, and I moved to another state with the plan that she was going to follow me after I got established and we'd get married. But after I moved and before she joined me, her father got sick and died rather suddenly. She stuck around for a while to help her mom out, which was the right thing to do, but the relationship suffered and basically just fizzled out.

The ones who cheated: One was bipolar and we had kinda broken up anyway. We agreed to continue the physical part of the relationship, which was the really good part, but she ended up sleeping with an ex and I just lost respect for her because she left me high and dry waiting for hours at her house while she was out with him. NOT cool. The other one was a really good relationship, and I thought it was going somewhere. But I figured out that I was rebound guy and she just wasn't ready to settle again so soon after getting divorced. She said one thing and did another. That one I had a very hard time with. She ended up marrying the next guy she dated. WTF. It seems like they've all cheated, but I think the fact is that I should have been more wary about the situations I was getting into.

I'm in hell with this one. There are two little girls involved, which to me means that you do everything you can to work it out, ya know? Everything. I haven't had a good night's sleep in a couple years.


Nothing changes. I am stuck in hell. Every day is the same and I can't escape.
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Well, today is my wedding anniversary. I guess "former" anniversary, since I've been discarded like a used tampon. Would have been 11 years. My ex wife's sister and her family are visiting her (not me) from the next state over. After I dropped my girls off, I happened to run into my former brother in law at WalMart. Interesting conversation. Seems that the adulterous boyfriend spent the day with all of them on the 4th. Isn't that just super. The ink isn't even dry on the divorce papers and she's introducing this POS to her family.

By the way, I couldn't sleep the other night and googled him to see if anything new would pop up. It did. Turns out that Mr. 'I Have No Problem Screwing A Married Woman 10 Minutes After Her Husband Leaves While His Kids Sleep In The Next Room' joined a local singles meetup group. Whatever for, I wonder. Why would a guy who is screwing my ex wife be joining any singles groups? Isn't he happily in a relationship? Sure he is - she seems to think so.

If I wasn't curious about how this turns out I would paint my bedroom with my brains right now, because I sure as f*** feel like doing just that.

Last edited by BlindsidedNM; 07/06/13 08:56 PM.

Nothing changes. I am stuck in hell. Every day is the same and I can't escape.
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Your daughters need their daddy. No matter how [censored] this all turned out, your girls need you. You will be their rock. Things will fall apart for your XWW. As it already seems to be since POSOM is joining meetup sites. Do what you can legally to protect your girls. Repainting the walls with your brains will not be protecting your children.


"Get busy living, or get busy dying"...... The Shawshank Redemption.
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The only person you can fix is yourself.
That's it.
She WILL not last with the boyfriend. Dr Harley already said that he was certain of it.

Her family sounds like a group of [censored] to break bread with this guy.
Your ex wife's brother should have tossed his glass of beer in the guys face and told him he will never be accepted into the family.

But life isnt always just.

I think you should plan B and focus on yourself. Maybe see a counselor
For help moving on and starting over

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In fairness to her sister and her husband, they were visitors and they didn't really have a say - he just showed up. They are very Christian and very passive. I probably would have opted to keep the peace myself, whether I approved or not. Maybe say something later, especially since there are 4 children in the mix. Now, on the other hand, my ex father in law has stated in no uncertain terms that this POS is not welcome in his home or in his presence.


Nothing changes. I am stuck in hell. Every day is the same and I can't escape.
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Good for your ex father in law.

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Anyone still watching my thread? No one is interested, probably. Nothing new to report. Ex wife's affair still going strong. Had to hear about their latest day trip to the lake from my 4 year old. Yay for the ex wife.. looks like she met the man she was 'supposed' to be with. A man who has no problem screwing a married woman.

Been at this job two weeks now. I get up at 5:30am, take an hour train ride up and back, get out of the parking lot at the train station at 7pm on a good day, and I am exhausted. I haven't seen my girls during the week since I started, and I am not sure if I will be able to, unless I tap some kind of energy source I didn't know I had. I can't handle these hours, and I am getting sick of people telling me that TGHEY used to work that early and THEY did this and blah blah blah. THEY have not had Crohn's disease for the past 20 years, either. Insensitive a**holes. I literally have 2.2 - 3 hours a day at MOST to eat dinner and do whatever before I have to go to bed.

I don't even know what to do these days. I almost started crying in front of a packed train full of strangers last week. Nothing is getting easier. I have a friend who keeps telling me that "God will bring your family back together", but yeah, I am not really buying that.


Nothing changes. I am stuck in hell. Every day is the same and I can't escape.
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Have you been to see your doctor recently?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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How long did you get to see your 4 yr old for this weekend?

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Hey... chin up! Look for another job or maybe move closer to work? Brainstorm solutions. Take your focus of the ex WW and onto yourself and your DDs. I know it is not as simple as 1,2,3... but you have to believe that things will get better. H0PE. We all need it to get through the tough patches of life.


Me BW: 30
WH: 33
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