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Thank you, Markos.
That is very simply but powerful advice. Ive been struggling with the "why" instead of figuring it all out later. We have a session with Steve tomorrow.
Im going to suggest Plan B
BS: Me, 43
FWH: 50
EA/PA with My Friend Jan-Apr 06
DDay: 4/29/06
NC: email 5/1/06
Recovering
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Hi JustKim,
Just wanted to drop by and say that I know exactly how you are feeling. Praying for your strength and clarity of mind.
Married 20 yrs
Me:FBW
Him: FWH
4 children
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Thank you, Markos.
That is very simply but powerful advice. Ive been struggling with the "why" instead of figuring it all out later. We have a session with Steve tomorrow.
Im going to suggest Plan B JK, I wouldn't have him on the phone when you suggest Plan B because it needs to come as a surprise. I would meet with Steve alone and have him coach you through the separation. Having your husband there will just muddy the waters so you don't move forward.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Jan 2010
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Yes. Don't discuss Plan B with your husband.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Got it. No Plan B discussion.
In the meantime, do I try to plan A? Do I give him my emotional needs questionnaires?
BS: Me, 43
FWH: 50
EA/PA with My Friend Jan-Apr 06
DDay: 4/29/06
NC: email 5/1/06
Recovering
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Posts: 10,179
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You're already so wasted from years in the war zone, left unprotected by your teammate, and facing the enemy alone...after your teammate turned traitor. Plan A, for the sake of your own health and sanity, should not include shutting down your Taker and only activating your Giver. You're too fragile after YEARS of living on the edge to tackle this the way a newly BS would.
Be nice and polite. Don't lovebust. Be your good self. Do NOT put your health in jeopardy by pouring your heart and soul into winning WH back.
Once you go dark, if he accomplishes the work of changing with God as his helper and motivation instead of you, then you can consider R. Please go dark quickly so you can begin to heal. You're so badly wounded right now that you can't even start assessing the damage till you're away from the man who is killing you by inches.
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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Joined: Apr 2005
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If he wanted to know your EN's badly enough, wouldn't he print them out himself and ask you to fill them out? You're still trying to help him along. That hasn't worked over the course of years, and it's not going to work now.
He's a big boy, and is going to have to stand or fall on his own.
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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