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Common Exposure Mistakes

Doing trickle exposures. Meaning exposing to just a few people but not to everyone that could have an influence. Trickle exposures are a disaster because they are not enough to kill the affair but just enough to infuriate the WS enough to come after the BS. So the exposure essentially only served to beat down the already beaten BS for no benefit.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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You have done Great by moving back to YOUR Home.

That is only 1/2 of what needs to be done though.

Do the exposure immediately to everyone who can have influence in the lufe decisions your wife is engaged in. Expose to All of the POS's known contacts.

Do everyone you can think of this weekend. If there are others, get yo them in the next couple of days. Don't delay!!! Hit the primary targets immediately.

Tbere is some advice here that states that you may need to pay $1.00 per message if you usr FaceBook to send to non-friend contacts, othirwse they receive it as spam. I don't personally know how that works though, so ask others for better details.

If you don't want a Divorce, then don't discuss divorce.

Respond, "I will discuss how to improve and safeguard our marriage only."

Good job so far. Keep the pressure on.

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I doubt she would try to do that, but hey, I also doubted that she'd ever leave me. Is this VAR just for the confrontation, or do I keep it in the house at all times?

If you read my story (NOT now, you have more important things on your plate!), you will see how my WW (of 33 years!) and my scumsucking middle child managed to get me arrested for accidentally breaking WW's glasses on d-night!

You need a VAR with you, and ON, virtually 24/7 until whatever resolution is finalized. I do not know how blindingly stupid are the Canadian LEPs, but down here, they will BELIEVE anything, and DO anything that a weepy wife needs them to do to control the "ogre" that she portrays her BH to be!

And for the love of Lord Stanley's Cup, quit worrying about a mortgage! You are fighting for your MARRIAGE, dude! Exposure and return home are your only concerns right now!

I would put one caveat on that: Daddy!

He is twice the player in your drama than are most FILs, because he also writes WW's paychecks. It may be worthwhile, without fully tipping your hand, to have a chat with him, the basis of which should be, "I'm going to FIGHT for the marriage you witnessed us enter into, Dad. It might get messy, but if the vows you saw us utter mean anything to you, you'll stay on my side!"

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Ok, are you guys ready for this? Good.

When I moved back in, WW wasn't there, so I got settled, and when WW asked how long I was going to be there, I said "However long I need to." She was crazy mad, and then she sent me an email asking to settle this now, and she broke down how much I would get once we split up. It's a actually a very fair deal - although this has nothing to do with my next revelation: I don't want her back and I could care less about reconciling!

Now how exciting is that?

I was in Denial Land yesterday, and you guys took my head out of the clouds and showed me how immature her act was. I got thinking about it and realized that she kind of stopped showing me any affection and we didn't spend our recreational time doing ANYTHING for the last couple months. It seems as though she was checked out sooner than I thought.

And I might be in shock right now, but I feel GREAT! I feel so free! Once we wrap this up, I am bound to nothing.

[Disturbing] OHH! And get this. After that separation email, I was grabbing some paperwork from our bedroom and I used the en suite bathroom. It smelled kind of strange in there, so I look in the garbage, and I find POFSOM's ejaculate-filled tissue!!!

Quite the day so far...

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Sorry you had to come across that, but you may want to keep the evidence. Now you know why she was so mad about you moving back in.

So when are you dropping the exposure bomb? Does OM have Facebook? Can you Google his parents name and find their address?


FWW/BW (me)
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Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Please expose this either way, you'll be doing her a favor.


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Did you expose the affair, CC?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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After her email about a proper separation, I had to get OM's parents' contact details from WW's parents, so I exposed it to them and discussed the situation. Her parents already knew everything and told me that they're trying to get her to see the light, but says that they can't seem to change her mind.

I called OM's parents and introduced myself, but they did not want to give me their address to talk. I then just explained the situation over the phone and told them that their son was continuing an affair with my wife and asked if they could use their influence to bring it to an end. They were disappointed with him, but kind of had a "well it's his choice" kind of an attitude.

I could only see mutual friends between OM and myself - which is just my wife - so that didn't help.

Then I talked to all of my wife's sibling, and they are all on my side and are very disappointed in her. Her brother said that he tells her every time he sees her that he does not agree with what she is doing and that it is not fair to me. Her other siblings don't live in the country and they said that WW isn't talking to even them because nobody is approving of her choices.

I honestly think that this is a mental breakdown for her. I'm not trying to make excuses either. Most of her siblings have had mental breakdowns before and are saying that she's acting like a nut right now. Even if it is though, she doesn't get to do this to me and I'm not going to wait around for her.

We were just taking some time apart before, but now I think I'm going to need some DISTANCE from all this.


How did I do?

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How did I do?

I'd give you about a solid "B" - not bad, but not cum laude stuff, either!

Your assignment from Professor NG was:

EXPOSE HER INFIDELITY to her entire world - her parents, her siblings, her friends, her sorority sisters, her clergy, her hairdresser.

Get the other ones done. You NEVER KNOW which contact will be the one to demonstrate resolve, ethics, and stamina, and drive home to WW the lesson she needs to absorb!

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Originally Posted By: ClickityClack
After her email about a proper separation, I had to get OM's parents' contact details from WW's parents, so I exposed it to them and discussed the situation. Her parents already knew everything and told me that they're trying to get her to see the light, but says that they can't seem to change her mind.

I called OM's parents and introduced myself, but they did not want to give me their address to talk. I then just explained the situation over the phone and told them that their son was continuing an affair with my wife and asked if they could use their influence to bring it to an end. They were disappointed with him, but kind of had a "well it's his choice" kind of an attitude.



Sounds like they are trash, just like him. frown I guess it is a good thing he is not a serial killer because they would be saying "well its his choice." Talk about uncaring family members!

You did great, but are you sure you don't want to try and save it? You are perfectly within your rights to move on, but this is far from over.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted By: NeverGuessed
How did I do?

I'd give you about a solid "B" - not bad, but not cum laude stuff, either!

Your assignment from Professor NG was:

EXPOSE HER INFIDELITY to her entire world - her parents, her siblings, her friends, her sorority sisters, her clergy, her hairdresser.

Get the other ones done. You NEVER KNOW which contact will be the one to demonstrate resolve, ethics, and stamina, and drive home to WW the lesson she needs to absorb!


I did talk to her closest friends - who are my friends as well. They said they're sorry about the situation, and they'll try their best to convince her. But they, like her parents, also know how stubborn she is, so everybody kind of rolled their eyes when talking about trying to change her mind.

And I just got back from some errands where I ran into another family member of hers that lives in town. I told him everything and he was absolutely disgusted with her. He told me that I don't need to be treated like that and that she hasn't really treated me right for a while (she's can be bossy, and her family knows that).

Her world doesn't contain the other three groups you mentioned.

Nobody that I've talked to has approved of her actions though, so I'm sure she's starting to feel pressure now. I shall commence waiting.

Originally Posted By: MelodyLane
Originally Posted By: ClickityClack
After her email about a proper separation, I had to get OM's parents' contact details from WW's parents, so I exposed it to them and discussed the situation. Her parents already knew everything and told me that they're trying to get her to see the light, but says that they can't seem to change her mind.

I called OM's parents and introduced myself, but they did not want to give me their address to talk. I then just explained the situation over the phone and told them that their son was continuing an affair with my wife and asked if they could use their influence to bring it to an end. They were disappointed with him, but kind of had a "well it's his choice" kind of an attitude.



Sounds like they are trash, just like him. frown I guess it is a good thing he is not a serial killer because they would be saying "well its his choice." Talk about uncaring family members!

You did great, but are you sure you don't want to try and save it? You are perfectly within your rights to move on, but this is far from over.


Yes. Trash. They're the only church-going bunch that I talked to and they were the ones most accepting of the affair. I could still hear the shock and disappointment in his mom's voice, but she also sounded like she wasn't sure my phone call was sincere and that it could have been a prank - which could have been avoided if she let me come SEE them!

I guess I'll see where this stage goes. After telling my family members about what she doing, I think they resent her more than me. As of today, we've been separated for 11 days, but apparently she's already made up her mind and wants to buy me out of our house + extra money to lure me out. If she put 1/3 of this effort into our marriage, we wouldn't have had this problem.

I'm not the crazy one, right? Abandoning a marriage and throwing some money at your spouse because a high school crush has been back into your life for less than a month is that crazy thing, right?

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Originally Posted By: ClickityClack

I'm not the crazy one, right? Abandoning a marriage and throwing some money at your spouse because a high school crush has been back into your life for less than a month is that crazy thing, right?


You are not the crazy one, did you move back out?

I imagine POSOM has been in her life for quite some time, certainly more than a month.


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I did move back out. I've got a couple of interviews in the city where I could be making around twice my current wage. Let's see how she likes that! Where I live, living out of the house during separation has no impact on my legal interest in the house, and anything I acquire after the separation, she does not legally get an equal share to.

This POSOM only came back to town at the very end of July, and that's when she added him on FB. They texted for a few days and he came over at the beginning of August. She may have been THINKING about him for more than a month, but I'm 90% sure they weren't even talking before that since she would show me their text messages when he would say something 'funny'...

My whole family and her whole family are not impressed and don't care for what she's doing. OM's parents didn't seem to explicitly care, but it must have sunk in by now and I'm sure they've confronted him. Everybody knows that I'm the calm one and me being abusive would be next to impossible - her family jokes when they kill an insect in front of me, "Sorry, CC". I did, however, get a VAR app on my phone and make sure I have it before going into the house just in case.

I know her A isn't going to last, and when it ends, I'm going to make her sit in her mess for a while.

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Originally Posted By: ClickityClack
I know her A isn't going to last, and when it ends, I'm going to make her sit in her mess for a while.
This is not a way to recover your marriage.


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DS - 32, still living with us
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Originally Posted By: mrEureka
Originally Posted By: ClickityClack
I know her A isn't going to last, and when it ends, I'm going to make her sit in her mess for a while.
This is not a way to recover your marriage.


Okay, I know. I am in a resentful mindset right now. She's just not showing any remorse right now. If she comes out of this genuinely remorseful and willing to actually put in work, then we'll talk about recovering the marriage.

I found a pack of cigarettes at the house today. She always HATED when I would smoke - about 1-2 smokes per month while I was drinking - but apparently when this POSOM who's unemployed, lives with his parents, and has a dirty mustache smokes, it's all cool.

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Why did you move back out?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Originally Posted By: ClickityClack
Originally Posted By: mrEureka
Originally Posted By: ClickityClack
I know her A isn't going to last, and when it ends, I'm going to make her sit in her mess for a while.
This is not a way to recover your marriage.


Okay, I know. I am in a resentful mindset right now. She's just not showing any remorse right now. If she comes out of this genuinely remorseful and willing to actually put in work, then we'll talk about recovering the marriage.

I found a pack of cigarettes at the house today. She always HATED when I would smoke - about 1-2 smokes per month while I was drinking - but apparently when this POSOM who's unemployed, lives with his parents, and has a dirty mustache smokes, it's all cool.
Have you read "Surviving an Affair". WWs almost never are remorseful.

There are things you can do that increase the probability of recovery, and there are things you can do that diminish the probability. Moving out diminishes the probability, as does waiting for remorse to be expressed. Do you really want a recovery? If so, then stop doing things that hurt your chances.


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DS - 32, still living with us
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Do you think she'll stand by that "buy out" offer now that you've moved back out?


Me 58: FWH (NC 32 yr), W 60, married 36 yr, DD 32
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