|
|
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860 |
What does a WW remember?
What does a WW forget?
How has the years effected what you remember about the affair?
Is it believable for a WW to not remember the OM's name?
Any WW's out there not remember their OM's name.
What have you ladies got?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860 |
Any BH's care to add their input?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 251
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 251 |
When I finally got the whole truth, there were 8 OMs. A couple were one night stands. The poly proved that she didn't remember their names.
Nothing that comes out of a Wayward's mouth is believable, unless it can be independantly verified.
Me: BH
XW: Promises83
DS5
Married 10 years, first for both of us
D-Day: 27 Oct 11 trickle truth-ed until all 8 OMs were discovered
D Final: 16 Aug 2013
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860 |
Your WW did not remember the ONS OM names or did she not remember all 8 OM?
If your WW had an affair with one OM for 1 or 2 years would you believe her if she said I do not remember the OM name?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860 |
We appear to be out of WW's on Marriage Builders.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 2,803
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 2,803 |
We appear to be out of WW's on Marriage Builders. No, you're just out of WW's who wish to keep rehashing the same points you keep bringing up year after year. The truth is, none of us can get inside your wife's head and tell you what she does and does not remember. If you want to know if she's telling the truth or not, have her take a polygraph. Then you'll know for sure.
Me: BS/FWW: 48
BS/WH: 50
DS: 30, 27, 25
DD: 28
OC: 10
BH and I are raising my OC together.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 6,352
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 6,352 |
There was a biologist from Elbonia (apologies to Dilbert) who was studying the jumping ability of frogs. He took a frog, said,"Jump, frog, jump," and noted, "Frog with four legs jumped 38 inches." He then cut off a front leg, and recorded, "Frog with three legs jumped 33 inches," then 26 inches, with two, and 13 inches with one leg. Then he cut off the last leg, said, "Jump, frog, jump"....and nothing happened. He again said, "Jump. frog, jump!" with no result. He then proudly recorded "Frog with no legs....is deaf!" We appear to be out of WW's on Marriage Builders.TR, are you possibly Elbonian-American? 
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 1,153
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 1,153 |
The LAST thing I ever want my FWW thinking about is that POSOM in any way, shape or form. I NEVER bring that piece of crap up in conversation. Never will. Ever.
Asking any FWW on this board to talk about this subject is...well...just wrong.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860 |
The LAST thing I ever want my FWW thinking about is that POSOM in any way, shape or form. I NEVER bring that piece of crap up in conversation. Never will. Ever.
Asking any FWW on this board to talk about this subject is...well...just wrong. 20YearHistory, Were all your questions answered? Do you know all that happened? 90%? 50%? I do not know 1%. If I knew the answers to my questions I would not talk about the past now with my wife.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860 |
Asking any FWW on this board to talk about this subject is...well...just wrong. The last time my wife and I spoke about the past she gave me the "I do not remember". Though I remember everything she has said about what happen back in the past. Maybe because it was so little. Maybe because trying to figure out what happened has kept me from forgetting the past. I find it hard to believe that my wife is being honest when she said "I do not remember". I ask the WW's here how their memory is to get a base line. I do not expect them to start talking about their past with their BH's when that part of their recovery is over.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
[
I ask the WW's here how their memory is to get a base line. I do not expect them to start talking about their past with their BH's when that part of their recovery is over. I am not understanding how that will solve your problem? How will this exercise get your wife to tell you the truth? If you tell her that someone else remembers, she will just spill her guts?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860 |
There was a biologist from Elbonia (apologies to Dilbert) who was studying the jumping ability of frogs. He took a frog, said,"Jump, frog, jump," and noted, "Frog with four legs jumped 38 inches." He then cut off a front leg, and recorded, "Frog with three legs jumped 33 inches," then 26 inches, with two, and 13 inches with one leg. Then he cut off the last leg, said, "Jump, frog, jump"....and nothing happened. He again said, "Jump. frog, jump!" with no result. He then proudly recorded "Frog with no legs....is deaf!" We appear to be out of WW's on Marriage Builders.TR, are you possibly Elbonian-American? ***EDIT***
Last edited by Ariel; 09/14/13 06:57 AM. Reason: TOS: Personal attack
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 987
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 987 |
The LAST thing I ever want my FWW thinking about is that POSOM in any way, shape or form. I NEVER bring that piece of crap up in conversation. Never will. Ever.
Asking any FWW on this board to talk about this subject is...well...just wrong. Q. F. T.
Me - 30 (FWW)
H - 30 (BH)
DSx2
D-day: 2008
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860 |
[
I ask the WW's here how their memory is to get a base line. I do not expect them to start talking about their past with their BH's when that part of their recovery is over. I am not understanding how that will solve your problem? How will this exercise get your wife to tell you the truth? If you tell her that someone else remembers, she will just spill her guts? Not so much to get my wife to talk. To know that if every WW can remember her OM's name then I should expect my wife to remember the OM's name. Hence a base line. Melody, I know you have mentioned how you were exposed to your dad's OW as a child. Now you did not forget that and that was how many years ago, 50?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
[
I ask the WW's here how their memory is to get a base line. I do not expect them to start talking about their past with their BH's when that part of their recovery is over. I am not understanding how that will solve your problem? How will this exercise get your wife to tell you the truth? If you tell her that someone else remembers, she will just spill her guts? Not so much to get my wife to talk. To know that if every WW can remember her OM's name then I should expect my wife to remember the OM's name. Hence a base line. Melody, I know you have mentioned how you were exposed to your dad's OW as a child. Now you did not forget that and that was how many years ago, 50? You can ask your wife to take a polygraph. But someone else's memory or lack thereof is not going to do anything to solve your problem. I would be making an appointment for her.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
And I was 4 when I met my dad's first OW. But again, that has nothing to do with your wife. If she wants you to believe she can't remember, then she should also be willing to take a polygraph to prove that. Would she do that?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860 |
She has refused to talk any more. She closed that conversation with she is gone if I bring up the past again.
We never had a marathon talk session about the past. Something she would do had brought the past back up about every 4 years. A couple of questions would be talked about. She would put the breaks on and not get more specific.
Such as when she restarted he friendship with her BGF/enabler for about a year about 7-8 years post dday.
Dday I bought nothing happened. Every 4 years a new dday in that a new fact showed more happened.
That is a good question to ask her. If she can not remember she should prove that with a polygraph.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 2,803
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 2,803 |
That is a good question to ask her. If she can not remember she should prove that with a polygraph. So when are you going to schedule that?
Me: BS/FWW: 48
BS/WH: 50
DS: 30, 27, 25
DD: 28
OC: 10
BH and I are raising my OC together.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
She has refused to talk any more. She closed that conversation with she is gone if I bring up the past again. What is there to save, though? It's not like you have anything to lose, do you? I would set up the appointment, give her a list of questions before the test and give her one last chance to come clean. If she wants to leave if she has to be honest then tell her you would agree that the marriage won't work if she is dishonest. Does she know about Marriage Builders? Does she know that honesty can be the first step to a romantic, passionate marriage? What have you been doing for the 6 years you have been here?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
It's in her best interest to put a stop to this topic of conversation. The way she does that is by coming clean once and for all and then it can be put to rest. Tell her you will never bring it again once you have the full truth.
But also show her a bigger picture of what your marriage can be and sell her on this program. Apparently you are going to need professional help to ever change your marriage since do-it-yourself has not worked. Can you sign up for the online program?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
Moderated by Ariel, BerlinMB, Denali, Fordude, IrishGreen, MBeliever, MBsurvivor, MBSync, McLovin, Mizar, PhoenixMB, Toujours
|
0 members (),
626
guests, and
35
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,621
Posts2,323,489
Members71,946
| |
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
|
|
|
|
