HI, My wife and I are 6 months past my infidelity. I had a one night stand and confessed. We have read surviving an affair. We have not separated and she has been very strong through this horrible experience.
One issue we have together is she does want to be intimate with me, but she has visions and can't enjoy the experience without thinking of me with another woman. It is very painful to her and understandably. She is getting fed up with this feeling and she needs to be able to have sex with her husband. She has mentioned the feeling that we need to separate, but so far we have been able to stay together.
How can I help her?
Where did you know this OW from? Have you severed all contact with her?
Do you and your wife live an integrated and transparent life together with no nights apart?
Do you now practice extraordinary precautions to ensure you will never again have an affair? No friends of the opposite sex?
Are you meeting each others needs and avoiding love busters?
Does your wife have all the information she needs to understand how the affair happened and its entire scope? Once she knows everything she needs to know, the affair must not be brought up again.
Recovery with two willing and active participants takes about two to five years.
The images can take a long while to fade for some folks, even with a great recovery and a wonderful marriage. She will need to learn how to not dwell on the past, replacing each negative thought with a positive one from the current time.
We're three years out and now enjoy the best marriage we have ever had. I struggled with images for over two years, It does get better over time as the marriage improves and the resentment fades. I had to learn to replace the negative thoughts of the past with new thoughts. "Look what he's doing today!" Over and over. My new favorite Bible verse - "forgetting what lies behind me and straining forward to what lies ahead..." Sometimes I still say that one aloud, so I can remind myself never to dwell on the past.
Do you have the books "His Needs Her Needs" and "Love Busters?"
Can you get your wife to post here? She would get a lot of help.