HI, My wife and I are 6 months past my infidelity. I had a one night stand and confessed. We have read surviving an affair. We have not separated and she has been very strong through this horrible experience.
One issue we have together is she does want to be intimate with me, but she has visions and can't enjoy the experience without thinking of me with another woman. It is very painful to her and understandably. She is getting fed up with this feeling and she needs to be able to have sex with her husband. She has mentioned the feeling that we need to separate, but so far we have been able to stay together.

How can I help her?

Welcome to MB

You can help her by being transparent. By offering her all your passwords. By telling everyone of your affair to keep you accountable. To eliminate the poor boundries that caused you to deflile yourself. To follow the MB path of recovery.

I suggest you get your wife to come here so the good folks can guide her through this rollercoaster.

MNG

Absolutely send her here. What she feels is normal. And it does last a long time. She will heal but you need to help her if you're truly repentant. She needs safety. We can help you both get through this.

bcones01,

Did you tell your BW everything? Spouses can often sense when you are holding out on them.

Does she know the OW, does the OW live nearby, have you confessed and apologized to the OWH.

Get tested for STDs.

God Bless
Gamma

Where did you know this OW from? Have you severed all contact with her?

Do you and your wife live an integrated and transparent life together with no nights apart?

Do you now practice extraordinary precautions to ensure you will never again have an affair? No friends of the opposite sex?

Are you meeting each others needs and avoiding love busters?

Does your wife have all the information she needs to understand how the affair happened and its entire scope? Once she knows everything she needs to know, the affair must not be brought up again.

Recovery with two willing and active participants takes about two to five years.

The images can take a long while to fade for some folks, even with a great recovery and a wonderful marriage. She will need to learn how to not dwell on the past, replacing each negative thought with a positive one from the current time.

We're three years out and now enjoy the best marriage we have ever had. I struggled with images for over two years, It does get better over time as the marriage improves and the resentment fades. I had to learn to replace the negative thoughts of the past with new thoughts. "Look what he's doing today!" Over and over. My new favorite Bible verse - "forgetting what lies behind me and straining forward to what lies ahead..." Sometimes I still say that one aloud, so I can remind myself never to dwell on the past.

Do you have the books "His Needs Her Needs" and "Love Busters?"

Can you get your wife to post here? She would get a lot of help.

I still go through this myself, me and my wife are about five months in also. Just be sure to hold up to all of your promises and stick with the program and you and her will be fine.

bcones, at 6 months, neither of you are past it.

--What steps have you taken to help her feel emotionally-safe with you again? (Please be specific.)
--How did you end the affair?
--What steps have you taken to assure that there'll be no contact with your affair partner?
--Was this really a one-night stand with some stranger, or did you know this other woman beforehand?

The stink bomb you threw into your marriage can be overcome -- I'm living proof of that, despite some of the dumbest things I have ever done in life -- but the path to rescusitating a marriage after infidelity is narrow.

Please answer the above, and I & the other good folks here (including many who've suffered being in your wife's place) might have some words of advice that could help you & your wife.

I get the general idea, but some text would be nice with that pic, GloveOil.