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See an attorney and file for divorce, a restraining order and full custody of your kids ASAP So that's it. Turn on my kids mother? Turn on my wife? Turn on a family member? Give up on her? My whole purpose is to save this family. I love and care about all of them the same. We're family. What do I do if splitting up is not an option?
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How did you get back into the house, Millschris? Did your wife's most recent restraining order against you expire? Also, are you children still being exposed to physical violence between you and your wife? I wish Child Protective Services would get involved in this. Are you still on the wagon? If so, how long has it been?
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So you care MORE for appeasing a destructive WW than the safety of your family?
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
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Taking photos of your injuries yourself and stashing them away proves nothing except that you were hurt at one moment, whether it was caused by her or tripping or yourself. It is not admissible.
You will also need to consider that child services will want to get involved if you continue to allow them to be exposed to domestic violence.
Lastly, addicts don't change if you are going to stay with them no matter what. She has nothing to lose, so why would she change? Marriage at all costs will get you nothing but continued addiction and your misery.
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You want to know how to get her to respect you?
By standing up for yourself.
Right now she knows she can do whatever she wants, and you'll still stay.
If you are willing to actually tell her to take a hike, that's a start.
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If you want her to respect you, you could (1) apologize for never paying her spousal support or child support, and pay her what you owe her with interest; (2) apologize and reimburse her for all of her hard-earned money you took to support your drug addiction while you earned nothing and she singlehandedly supported herself, you, and all 5 of your children; and (3) apologize for your part in the neglect and violence that she and the children have had been subjected to. That might be a start...
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How did you get back into the house, Millschris? Did your wife's most recent restraining order against you expire? Also, are you children still being exposed to physical violence between you and your wife? I wish Child Protective Services would get involved in this. Are you still on the wagon? If so, how long has it been? We both filed restraining orders last time. I filed first but she was granted an emergency one that was effective up until her court date. When I didn't appear for mine and she didn't appear for hers they were both dropped. They have seen her hit me a couple of times but now I grab the phone and tell her if she leaves one mark on me I'm calling the police and filing a report. That stops her. I've been clean for four months now. I'm in a program. I have a sponsor. So you care MORE for appeasing a destructive WW than the safety of your family? The kids and I spend most of are time alone without her. She's rarely home and when she is she usually spends her time on her cell phone in the kitchen or in her room. The baby doesn't even sleep with her anymore. She sleeps alone.
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Taking photos of your injuries yourself and stashing them away proves nothing except that you were hurt at one moment, whether it was caused by her or tripping or yourself. It is not admissible.
You will also need to consider that child services will want to get involved if you continue to allow them to be exposed to domestic violence.
Lastly, addicts don't change if you are going to stay with them no matter what. She has nothing to lose, so why would she change? Marriage at all costs will get you nothing but continued addiction and your misery. I have full intention on filling a police report every time she leaves a mark on me from this point on. You want to know how to get her to respect you?
By standing up for yourself.
Right now she knows she can do whatever she wants, and you'll still stay.
If you are willing to actually tell her to take a hike, that's a start. You guys are right. I'm starting to do that. I need to step it up more.
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If you want her to respect you, you could (1) apologize for never paying her spousal support or child support, and pay her what you owe her with interest; (2) apologize and reimburse her for all of her hard-earned money you took to support your drug addiction while you earned nothing and she singlehandedly supported herself, you, and all 5 of your children; and (3) apologize for your part in the neglect and violence that she and the children have had been subjected to. That might be a start... I've apologized for the things I've done hundreds of times already. I've owned up to them all. I've changed those things. They are not part of me now. They are a part of my past. So is feeling sorry for them. I've forgiven her for the things she's done and she hasn't apologized once. And I'm ok with that. I'm moving forward and she's moving back.
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My wife has become a stranger in this house. She's rarely ever around. Its been this way for over a year already. She's spent the last year working, drinking, partying, sleeping around or sleeping in. I'm ready to do something. I just need to know what the right something is.
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I've apologized for the things I've done hundreds of times already. I've owned up to them all. I've changed those things. The only way you could have "changed" the first 2 things would be to have reimbursed her. It's called making amends and providing just compensation. It's how grown ups take responsibility for themselves. They are not part of me now. They are a part of my past. So is feeling sorry for them. Screwing your wife and children out of money you owe them is not part of your past. You are continuing to do it every single day you withhold the money that is rightfully theirs. I've forgiven her for the things she's done and she hasn't apologized once. People who are truly remorseful don't keep score of how many times they've been wronged while refusing to make amends for their own wrongdoings.And I'm ok with that. I'm moving forward and she's moving back.
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Ok so I've stopped using. I'm giving a lot of love and attention to the kids. I've got a low paying job which is bringing in some income. I've stopped most, if not all, of my LB. I'm currently signing up for college classes that start in Jan. which should lead to a good paying job.
Am I on the right track here?
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I've apologized for the things I've done hundreds of times already. I've owned up to them all. I've changed those things. The only way you could have "changed" the first 2 things would be to have reimbursed her. It's called making amends and providing just compensation. It's how grown ups take responsibility for themselves. They are not part of me now. They are a part of my past. So is feeling sorry for them. Screwing your wife and children out of money you owe them is not part of your past. You are continuing to do it every single day you withhold the money that is rightfully theirs. I've forgiven her for the things she's done and she hasn't apologized once. People who are truly remorseful don't keep score of how many times they've been wronged while refusing to make amends for their own wrongdoings.And I'm ok with that. I'm moving forward and she's moving back. So I need to reimburse them for every penny my mistakes have cost us and be more remorseful for the pain I've caused.
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He doesn't have the money to pay her back so that "advice" seems perfectly useless right now.
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He doesn't have the money to pay her back so that "advice" seems perfectly useless right now. Pretty much. Is there any advice you can offer? Should I ignore her or try to talk to her? How should I talk to her?
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He doesn't have the money to pay her back so that "advice" seems perfectly useless right now. Pretty much. Is there any advice you can offer? Should I ignore her or try to talk to her? How should I talk to her? You should follow Dr. Harley's advice on what to do with alcoholics. Will you do this? And stay in your AA program.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Nov 2010
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FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,477 Likes: 6
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FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Sep 2013
Posts: 55
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Joined: Sep 2013
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He doesn't have the money to pay her back so that "advice" seems perfectly useless right now. Pretty much. Is there any advice you can offer? Should I ignore her or try to talk to her? How should I talk to her? You should follow Dr. Harley's advice on what to do with alcoholics. Will you do this? And stay in your AA program. Ok. I'll try this. I've been treating her with the same love and attention that I've been giving the kids and its backfiring on me. This is a make or break move huh?
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If you want her to respect you, you could (1) apologize for never paying her spousal support or child support, and pay her what you owe her with interest; (2) apologize and reimburse her for all of her hard-earned money you took to support your drug addiction while you earned nothing and she singlehandedly supported herself, you, and all 5 of your children; and (3) apologize for your part in the neglect and violence that she and the children have had been subjected to. That might be a start... The fact is this mans children are presently being neglected by their mother. His focus should be on his children and not paying his wife money to enable her self destructive behaviors
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