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My wife has become a stranger in this house. She's rarely ever around. Its been this way for over a year already. She's spent the last year working, drinking, partying, sleeping around or sleeping in. I'm ready to do something. I just need to know what the right something is. Aside from AA, you may benefit from attending a few AlAnon meetings
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Joined: Nov 2011
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Millschris,
I am a single father with 3 kids.
I can relate to many of your challenges.
The best advice I can personally give is to get a good structure down in your home.
For example, friday night is our movie night. We always watch a movie on friday. The kids expect it.
Sunday night is family dinner. Formal dinner at the table,,,, etc etc
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If you want her to respect you, you could (1) apologize for never paying her spousal support or child support, and pay her what you owe her with interest; (2) apologize and reimburse her for all of her hard-earned money you took to support your drug addiction while you earned nothing and she singlehandedly supported herself, you, and all 5 of your children; and (3) apologize for your part in the neglect and violence that she and the children have had been subjected to. That might be a start... The fact is this mans children are presently being neglected by their mother. His focus should be on his children and not paying his wife money to enable her self destructive behaviors This is true. We have always tried to put our kids first. We focussed on family together in the beginning. The years I fell off on drugs my wife stepped up and held things down and now she's slipping but I'm here. Its not the best life but at least its a life and its better then the ones me and her had. My wife has become a stranger in this house. She's rarely ever around. Its been this way for over a year already. She's spent the last year working, drinking, partying, sleeping around or sleeping in. I'm ready to do something. I just need to know what the right something is. Aside from AA, you may benefit from attending a few AlAnon meetings I'm seriously thinking about it. At least one to see what its all about.
Last edited by millschris909; 11/16/13 01:22 AM.
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Joined: Sep 2013
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Millschris,
I am a single father with 3 kids.
I can relate to many of your challenges.
The best advice I can personally give is to get a good structure down in your home.
For example, friday night is our movie night. We always watch a movie on friday. The kids expect it.
Sunday night is family dinner. Formal dinner at the table,,,, etc etc Oh I'm big on structure and routine. Weekdays: School, home, snack, chore, homework, playtime, dinner, family time, sleep.
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Joined: Nov 2010
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Did you read the articles on alcoholics I posted?
Dr. H recommends AlAnon and/or intervention.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Did you read the articles on alcoholics I posted?
Dr. H recommends AlAnon and/or intervention. Yeah I read them. I don't see an intervention happening. The article on co dependency was eye opening. It helped me immediately after I read it. literally a few min after I read it she walked into the room and started on me. I drowned it out and shut it down quick. Those classes will help me with this? She says she's gonna keep seeing the guy in rehab, she wants me out of the house for both the weekend and for good but she hasn't done anything to get me out. And she volunteered this info by the way without me saying a word. Is this all talk or does she mean it? How could I respond to these things?
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Joined: Nov 2010
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DOCUMENT DOCUMENT DOCUMENT Is your name on the house?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,477 Likes: 6
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Posts: 20,477 Likes: 6 |
If your name is on the house. Men, Do Not Leave your Home!
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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We rent. She has taken me off the lease last year behind my back right before I found out about the A. That's why it took so long for me to get back in the home. But when I came back this last time I humoured her for as long as I could because I noticed that when she would call the cops on me they would ask the kids if I was living there and for him long. After about a month or so and moving in my clothes into the closet in the other room, talking with neighbors and getting a copy of the house key again. I put my foot down. She called the cops. They showed up talked with me and the kids, checked the for my stuff, asked if I had key, told her sorry there was nothing they could do. They advised us both to file for restraining orders and left. She was pissed but stopped calling the cops after that. Thank God. I've sent her so many text messages though. Begging, pleading, threatening, accusing. Its ridiculous. But she would be on the phone with me and tell me off or I'd catch her being where she's not suppose to be (OM) or she threaten me with something then hang up and not answer to anything and it would drive me into a crazy emotional state. Like I was going crazy sometimes (especially in the beginning).
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Again I just want to thank you guys for everything. You're advice has gone a long way in my life. My first post was from a Dell Taco 5 min from my "Wife's Home" where I would see my kids for maybe 5/10min every other day. Now I'm on a program, working, feeling positive, starting college classes, BACK IN MY HOME AND WITH MY KIDS EVERYDAY. Its incredible and seemed impossible. I was literally doing everything wrong. Thank you guys.
And please any advice or tips or anything would be great
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Again I just want to thank you guys for everything. You're advice has gone a long way in my life. My first post was from a Dell Taco 5 min from my "Wife's Home" where I would see my kids for maybe 5/10min every other day. Now I'm on a program, working, feeling positive, starting college classes, BACK IN MY HOME AND WITH MY KIDS EVERYDAY. Its incredible and seemed impossible. I was literally doing everything wrong. Thank you guys.
And please any advice or tips or anything would be great That's what's so wonderful about MB. You may not recover your marriage, but if applied to your life you will recover yourself. Stay on the path, friend. When can you get into an AlAnon meeting?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Posts: 55
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Ok update!!!
My WWs OM (who is on parole) just got arrested for drunk driving. My wife came home looking like she was crying. She said she's still going through with the divorce but I don't think so.
How do I handle this?
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Did you read the articles on alcoholics I posted?
Dr. H recommends AlAnon and/or intervention. Yeah I read them. I don't see an intervention happening. The article on co dependency was eye opening. It helped me immediately after I read it. literally a few min after I read it she walked into the room and started on me. I drowned it out and shut it down quick. Those classes will help me with this? She says she's gonna keep seeing the guy in rehab, she wants me out of the house for both the weekend and for good but she hasn't done anything to get me out. And she volunteered this info by the way without me saying a word. Is this all talk or does she mean it? How could I respond to these things? This is from 3 weeks ago. (Above post) This is like a pattern with her. Have you made it to an Alanon meeting?
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