Looks like the fastest it can possibly be final is mid-august.

Gotcha. I just looked up CA law. You can still get the divorce judgement approved before the six months is up. That would be the main thing. After that, you will just be waiting until it is official and final.

Great news! I assume her attorney will take care of this, or is there anything hotmess needs to do to speed this up?

What money did WH steal? The $5k of tax money is repayment in full?

Hotmess has your attorney given you any advice on legal action you can take against WH to recoup at least half of the 15K he stole?

she said take what ever he will offer to repay at this point. He only offered $5,000. He drained everything from the bank account. Had me paying all bills 100% (including credit cards i didn't know were being used, hotel bills, phone bills, etc...) He even took me to dinner for my birthday two months ago ON MY OWN DIME. He acted as though he was paying for things when he wasn't. It was all coming out of what was supposed to be "our" joint account. In reality he had pulled his direct deposit out long ago and was transferring portions of my direct deposit into his secret account. That is also where he hid the tax return. When I found out I was able to view the records going back over a year. I paid for trips I didn't know about, porn, gambling, his online dating accounts, you name it.

The attorney stated since he doesn't own anything (like a home) to collect on it's pointless to sue him. I always could sue him for the losses but collecting could prove difficult since he will already be garnished for the child support.

I think you should follow the attorneys advice.
The custody is what's important

I agree. I'd put all my energy into the custody agreement.

You might benefit from a "secret IM". WH would send emails to you, which unbeknownst to him would route through the secret IM. The IM would filter out the garbage and pass the rest on. You would then respond to WH yourself.

WH would never know he was being filtered, only that you fail to respond to his attempts at hurting you. Your case for custody is intact, and you're protected.

You need to be protected.

Great idea! Thanks Neak.

I've been a secret IM and a regular IM. Being a regular IM is less complicated, and best for most cases. A secret IM works well enough for the rest, such as when a judge has ordered contact or it strongly benefits the BS.

She's had no court order or anything, mostly we are worried about p*ssing him off and him withholding money that she desperately needs. Thoughts?

I'd like to do this the easiest way since I will be her IM so any help/advice would be great.

Dont upset him.
But Harley would advise plan B if her mental health is in risk

I would count this under "strongly benefits the BS".

Most BS's would lean toward a secret IM system just cause they're chicken and don't want to upset their WS. Totally not the case here. Custody of the kids is a strategic goal that will be much easier to achieve if the waters are ruffled the least amount possible...until it's settled in court. Then let the hurricanes begin.

He's already signed over custody but I am not familiar enough with D to know what that means...is it iron-clad? Does it have to be recorded or anything or his John Hancock on a single document enough? Can he recant it later?

She is not quite ready to go into Plan B yet but she is preparing...she needs to figure out a way for her WH to contact her kids (either a landline or a cell phone), etc. She is working on taking herself out of the mix entirely so she does not have to have any C with him at all.

Should she warn him that she is doing this with a pseudo Plan B letter? (I say pseudo because she does not want to recover the M so it would not be a typical PBL ~ more along the lines of "being in contact with you is too painful and so Miss MF is going to pass all info between us, you have hurt me enough, please comply with my wishes to minimize the pain you have caused me by not contacting me directly". Whether or not this will work, we are unsure. But considering that he has about 95% checked out of the M, including the children, we are hopeful.

I don't know enough about legal matters to know when it becomes ironclad. I wouldn't rock the boat till I was sure. Once an atty tells her she's good, the letter you suggested sounds great.

Do the letter After she has full legal custody and when her attorney says to.
I did it the day of divorce!

hotmess, can you let us know when you think it's safe to send the letter and go NC with your WH? As soon as you feel it's safe we will do this.

The sooner the better for your own sanity but not until you have everything in writing that you want/need. We don't want him going batsh*t crazy before then and withholding money or further screwing you over.

Thank you Neak and Jedi!

I am confused. If she has no Orders, then what makes her think she has custody? What was signed regarding custody of the children?

That sounds like a brilliant idea. I had a set back with him yesterday. He pulled a stunt and then called and I made the mistake of answering. Fell right back into the emotional wreck that I have been trying to not be.