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She is indeed a great kisser! Big plus.

I wouldn't be surprised to hear from her as well at some point, possibly in the next few months. She makes her decisions on people fast so if this guy doesn't wow her, she'll be back in the dating pool pretty quickly. Or maybe he'll be the one for her and if that's the case, I wish her all the best.

My "dating turnaround" is very much a "fake it 'til you make it" type of deal. I've had to restrain myself from texting AMY at least eight or nine times this morning. Feeling pretty melancholy. But I had the same issue with SUSAN a few weeks ago and within a week everything was OK. Not great, but OK. Going out with KAREN will help; I'm genuinely into her so I have a feeling my funk won't last long.

Thanks for the encouragement! I hope your hiatus from the dating world goes well!


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Originally Posted By: tccoastguard
She is indeed a great kisser! Big plus.

I wouldn't be surprised to hear from her as well at some point, possibly in the next few months. She makes her decisions on people fast so if this guy doesn't wow her, she'll be back in the dating pool pretty quickly. Or maybe he'll be the one for her and if that's the case, I wish her all the best.

My "dating turnaround" is very much a "fake it 'til you make it" type of deal. I've had to restrain myself from texting AMY at least eight or nine times this morning. Feeling pretty melancholy. But I had the same issue with SUSAN a few weeks ago and within a week everything was OK. Not great, but OK. Going out with KAREN will help; I'm genuinely into her so I have a feeling my funk won't last long.

Thanks for the encouragement! I hope your hiatus from the dating world goes well!

I hope dating Karen helps! Keep us posted, k?

Every day that I don't hear from my latest guy, is harder. I don't understand why, but I'm hoping the pain subsides soon. The hiatus will be good for me, I hope. (Ok, done with thread-jack)


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Dating KAREN does indeed help. I had a really great time. We went out to dinner in St Louis and then went for a round of bowling where she thoroughly whipped my rear. In between everything, we made it like teenagers. It was a great night. I'm not saying, "AMY who?," yet but I feel pretty good right now.

NC is the way to go with that guy Z. You don't really want him to contact you anyway... that would put you right back at ground zero. I understand what you mean though. I stopped counting the number of times I thought about texting AMY at fifteen. I feel kind of neurotic about it. It'll be ok. Just keep telling yourself that you're better off without his issues (you are) and get in the gym if you haven't already. Release those exercise endorphins! smile


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Thanks TC. Good advice. I'm actually headed to the gym tomorrow, and was there Saturday.

Hooray for a great Karen date! Awesome....


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I have another date with KAREN tomorrow night; she's coming over to my place to watch Walking Dead and have pizza. I'm pretty excited about seeing her again!

So I've thought about KAREN quite a bit last evening and this morning. Beyond being a good kisser, she is an excellent recreational companion. Bowling and dinner were tons of fun. Throughout she was constantly touching and/or kissing me. She's very affectionate which is a top three need for me. We talked about our preferences in books, food and quite a few other things. We're highly compatible in quite a few regards which I appreciate in large part because I haven't found that yet in a date. She's beautiful, fun, witty and goofy. I'm really enjoying my time with her.

On the negative, she is an occasional smoker when she's stressed. Additionally she is spiritual but not religious so she doesn't share my faith, such as it is. Neither of these are deal breakers. She's also pretty snarky but at this point I find that funny and sexy. So... yeah! All is well so far.

In kid news, my 10 and 8 year old are home sick, projectile vomiting. Hopefully they feel better soon and I don't get sick before my date tomorrow!


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What an intriguing topic... I don't think I've read an entire thread on this site in years, but now I have. smile

Although a little older than you, tcc, I could have written much of what you have from my own online dating experiences. I think it's a process that many of us guys go through (although I found OKCupid a little too sexually charged for my tastes after a couple dates). I've had my own Susan's, Amy's and Karen's over the last 8 years, much as you have described.

Anyway... my own thoughts could fill a thread this size on their own, but a couple things...

Forget Amy. I mean even as FriendZone. Friendzone will lead to more at her whims, and her whims only. You may fill 80% of her wants and needs, but the Amy's will ALWAYS be looking for 81%, even when they aren't looking. And you may wind up throwing someone truly compatible by the wayside when she comes back into your life for a few weeks until Mr. 81% appears. If AGG were reading this (and remembers), we could call her AgentJulie.

Smoking is a big deal... there are women just as compatible as the Karen's out there who don't smoke. If things progress, are you going to let her stink up your house or ask a woman you care about to step outside to stink up the mouth you so enjoy kissing?

Don't forget to listen to your gut. My greatest mistake in online dating (Not Julie; a couple years later) was made by not just ignoring my gut, but actively shouting it down to pursue an infatuation that I knew would go nowhere. Luckily, the gut looked out for me and sabotaged things pretty early.

As a positive, that greatest mistake gave a much-needed re-tune to my dating radar. I was therefore able to recognize someone far more compatible than the nightmare but still just not right a couple months later... in favor of the woman I will marry this coming June. Found her on Chemistry and almost deleted her too early.

Finally, here is something I saved from an email a couple years after my own Susan and I friend-zoned each other (never dated; never really wanted to). She had found hers, and I was in the above quandary, figuring out who I wanted between Ms. Almost-perfect (but something not-quite-right), and Ms. I just met you, but we're pretty compatible and you're funny as hell (my now-fiance):

Quote:
Just remember to keep your focus on the prize: Finding someone you would actually take JOY in spending the rest of your life with.

... we have both gifted ourselves, through our divorces, with an incredible opportunity: to undo the mistake of choosing poor life partners the first time, and to great ones the second time. So, with this whole dating thing... again, let things breathe, explore, have fun, and enjoy the ride--whatever it may entail. You're going to make mistakes, and that's okay. You will learn and you will get better and better at the quest.


I was sitting at dinner with Ms. Not-Quite-Right when my phone went off with that message. I thought about it and broke things off with her the next day. Haven't regretted it one bit in the years since. Just make sure it is Joy and not the initial infatuation of a new relationship.

Good luck with everything... I'll continue to read and hope you find everything you are searching for. smile

Last edited by Who_Dat; 02/12/14 03:35 PM.

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Originally Posted By: tccoastguard
On the negative, she is an occasional smoker when she's stressed. Additionally she is spiritual but not religious so she doesn't share my faith, such as it is. Neither of these are deal breakers.


While neither may be deal breakers for you, you will have to decide how much those things bother you? My bf is an occasional (social) smoker....never in a house or car. While I prefer no smoking, it is not a deal breaker and it does not bother me much either. If you are a church go-er and Karen is not...I think that would be a bigger issue...especially with children

Since you are still casually dating, have fun and enjoy it for what it is.


BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011




Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Church and religion is a common area that Dr Harley mentions on his radio show and in his book Buyers Renters Freeloaders

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All - I am not an avid church go-er. I have faith and I am a Christian. While that commonality was something that attracted me to AMY, I think my less structured and regimented take on it was a turn-off for her. With KAREN, I don't mind this disparity at this point because she respects my point of view and I respect hers. If it goes further than casual dating, a more in depth discussion will probably be had.

black_raven - That is exactly how I feel. I'd prefer if she didn't smoke but from what she's told me, it's hardly at all. If that's the case, I don't mind it per say. Right now we're both on our best behavior so... who knows what that will look like in a few months.

Who_Dat - Thank you for taking the time to write all that. The commonalities in dating are pretty dang interesting! Quite a bit of what you wrote rang true for me and I'll take your advice on AMY. I think you're right.


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One thing to consider about a smoker is that they typically have long term health problems, like drinkers.
My grandfather died of emphysema, my father had a massive heart attack. Myneighbor across the street had lung cancer .

Falling in love with a woman that is choosing to poison her body and eventually die of one of these diseases can be heartbreaking years from now

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Originally Posted By: Jedi_Knight
One thing to consider about a smoker is that they typically have long term health problems, like drinkers.
My grandfather died of emphysema, my father had a massive heart attack. Myneighbor across the street had lung cancer .

Falling in love with a woman that is choosing to poison her body and eventually die of one of these diseases can be heartbreaking years from now


Agreed and it's definitely something I will consider (and talk to her about) if things appear to be moving toward relationship mode.


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Something to think about: Now is the time in the relationship when people are on their best behaviors.

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My date with KAREN was pretty awesome last night. She came over to my place and we ordered pizza, made out, talked and eventually watched The Walking Dead. It was pretty great. I think the only issue we have is we need to tone down the sexual stuff and concentrate on the personal interactions more. It's not that we're having sex, just that the make out sessions are hot and heavy. It's nice to have that level of attraction but we both need to wait on that aspect so we need to cool our jets a bit. We've chatted on and off today about all kinds of things such as why our previous relationships have failed to our stances on kids. She validated my concerns on that without necessarily agreeing which I appreciate. So yeah, all in all its been a good couple of days and things are progressing nicely.


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Originally Posted By: tccoastguard
All - I am not an avid church go-er. I have faith and I am a Christian. While that commonality was something that attracted me to AMY, I think my less structured and regimented take on it was a turn-off for her. With KAREN, I don't mind this disparity at this point because she respects my point of view and I respect hers. If it goes further than casual dating, a more in depth discussion will probably be had.


I'm not religious but I was up for dating a Christian when I was out there. Probably not the other religions though as I celebrate C holidays in my own pagan way which may not mesh with other holidays. Probably would not have dated avid church goers either unless I happened to try it and take to it. If your morals and activities match up I think it works.

The chapter on values in Bs, Rs and FL's tackles it well. Essentially if you engage in things or approve of things the other person finds offensive, it won't work.

I know a couple, one is muslim and one is spiritual but non religious. Neither has ever regularly attended places of worship. He gave up drinking very easily and she likes to celebrate Christmas because she has always done with her own family. He likes the celebration of Eid and has joined her in fasting during Ramadan. He likes the sense of community.

I could never fast, so no muslims for me smile


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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indiegirl, thank you for your insight and post. I am Wiccan, spiritual but not religious, believe in God, and wondered how to incorporate this into my dating life.....when to introduce/discuss. I celebrate all the Christian holidays.

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Originally Posted By: stilltryingx2
indiegirl, thank you for your insight and post. I am Wiccan, spiritual but not religious, believe in God, and wondered how to incorporate this into my dating life.....when to introduce/discuss. I celebrate all the Christian holidays.


Have you read Buyers Renters freeloaders?
Dr Harley would encourage you to find someone of the same religion.

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I would most certainly recommend that book to anyone who is currently dating. The five tests of compatibility are Values, Energy, Intelligence, Social Interest and Cultural Background. Religion (or lack of) is tackled under values. You need to indeed make sure your morals, behaviours and lifestyle will never pose a conflict. It's no good assuming that the feelings will counter-act the problem.

There's some initial reading here: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5068b_qa.html

However reading the whole book is a very good idea.

Originally Posted By: stilltryingx2
when to introduce/discuss.


My finding has been that people who follow a structured and organised religion are very keen to bring this up very early on. They want to find someone of the same religion generally.

Someone who is a bit more unorthodox will similarly raise values early on, but it will be more of a generalised discussion.


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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Here and please listen to the clips.
Buyers, Renters and Freeloaders


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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It's been almost two weeks since I last posted so I thought I would update this. KAREN and I are still going strong so to speak. It's been about three weeks and we've seen each other about a dozen times in those three weeks. We've each pulled our repsective dating profiles down and are seeing each other exclusively.

This last weekend hung out from Friday evening through Sunday evening. It was a really great 48 hours. We spent most of Friday night talking, watched a bit of Walking Dead and other adult activities up to and including SF. I'm just being honest here and fully expect to get my rear handed to me here by some for engaging in sex at this point in our relationship (let alone before marriage). It is a choice we made and I welcome all comments/questions/concerns. Saturday we hiked, cooked and went out to a birthday celebration for one of her friends. Sunday was a lazy day of more talking, hanging out and once again, adult activities. We shared quite a bit about our relationship philosophies, how we view relationships and what we want in the future. I can say we are incredibly compatible thus far and I'm really enjoying spending time with her. I was not ready to "be alone" at any point this weekend; the infatuation stage is pretty dang nice.

I introduced several MB concepts to her this weekend including POJA (which we exercised a bit on our outing to her friend's birthday) and UA. She had different names for these concepts (her version of compromise is exactly like POJA for example) but the ideas were virtually identical. All in all, I'm very optimistic and am in a pretty good place right now. I did tell her that I will not be introducing her to the kiddos for a while which she is perfectly OK with. So yeah... I'm a happy guy!


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Thank you all for your input and links. smile I will take it all to heart and apply.

tccoastguard.....AMY who??? wink (in reference to an earlier post where you stated you weren't quite ready to say that) smile I'm very happy for you and wish you both ALL the best.

Last edited by stilltryingx2; 02/24/14 07:02 PM.
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