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Originally Posted By: ShaylaJo
I understand that I'm at fault, and I have owned my mistakes. I'm trying to move forward. I have learned valuable lessons. Am I completely past the ability to be helped and loved and in a healthy marriage?


Of course you are not past the ability to make changes in your life and become a better person, capable of a great marriage. You found Marriage Builders and are willing to post here for help; that's a good start.

I would avoid dating at all for a while. First learn what it takes to have healthy relationships, one of which could lead to marriage. You want to have what it takes, but you also want to make sure your potential spouse has what it takes, too.

Listen to the radio program daily for lots of great information from Dr. Harley and his wife. Click on this link and then click "Rebroadcast" to hear the show. Here

Also, be sure and purchase and read Buyers, Renters, and Freeloaders. It's a book with lots of very good information about how relationships work. It's very logical. Here's a very good thread about the concepts. Here Buyers, Renters, and Freeloaders will show you where you and your husbands went wrong.


Married 1980
DDay Nov 2010

Recovered thanks to Marriage Builders
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Originally Posted By: LongWayFromHome
Originally Posted By: ShaylaJo
I understand that I'm at fault, and I have owned my mistakes. I'm trying to move forward. I have learned valuable lessons. Am I completely past the ability to be helped and loved and in a healthy marriage?


Of course you are not past the ability to make changes in your life and become a better person, capable of a great marriage. You found Marriage Builders and are willing to post here for help; that's a good start.

I would avoid dating at all for a while. First learn what it takes to have healthy relationships, one of which could lead to marriage. You want to have what it takes, but you also want to make sure your potential spouse has what it takes, too.

Listen to the radio program daily for lots of great information from Dr. Harley and his wife. Click on this link and then click "Rebroadcast" to hear the show. Here

Also, be sure and purchase and read Buyers, Renters, and Freeloaders. It's a book with lots of very good information about how relationships work. It's very logical. Here's a very good thread about the concepts. Here Buyers, Renters, and Freeloaders will show you where you and your husbands went wrong.


X2


Welcome to MB and I hope that you utilize the help available to you through Dr. Harley's books and website.


D-Day 1 - May 4, 2012

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I don't know what OW and BW means. Please explain.

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OW = Other Woman

BW = Betrayed Wife

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ShaylaJo,

You may feel like you are being ganged up on, but the reality is that for you to make any true changes, you have to truly and emphatically see what your own actions brought for you and the turmoil created as an after effect.

Does your recent XH despise you now because he feels you are to blame for him destroying his own original family?

Or, is there something else he is demonizing you about?

When you say, "Yes, i get what i did in the past", it feels like when an adult is telling a teenager why or how to do something and the teen replies, "Ya, i know, i know".

These other posters don't feel like you sincerely and emphatically actually do truly know and understand yet.

What ACTION steps will you put in place to correct the past? Words alone are meaningless.

Stick around and become a better version of you first, then learn better how to be in a true faithful, safe and loving relationship.

Will you be reading SAA and B,R & F? (Surviving An Affair and Buyers, Renters and Freeloaders).

Learn all about JUST COMPENSATION, the the Policy Of Radical Honesty, (PORH) and also the Policy Of Joint Agreement, (POJA).

Will you read those and try to learn the concepts?

LTL

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Yes of course. I already ordered them bc my local book store didn't have them in stock. My ex despises me, not because he ended his first marriage but bc he feels I didn't try hard enough in our marriage and that I have up and I lied to him over and over again. He despises me bc he wanted to build a family and a future with me and I took that all away from him. I feel so unbelievably lost.

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Originally Posted By: ShaylaJo
Yes of course. I already ordered them bc my local book store didn't have them in stock. My ex despises me, not because he ended his first marriage but bc he feels I didn't try hard enough in our marriage and that I have up and I lied to him over and over again. He despises me bc he wanted to build a family and a future with me and I took that all away from him. I feel so unbelievably lost.


Dr. Harley talks about different types of liars: protective liars, get-out-of-trouble liars and born liars. Read about them. What kind are you?

AM


BW - 65
WH - 60
M - 35 years
D-day - 17 Apr 08
DD - 44, DS - 30, DS - 23
H broke contact 11/1/09
Back in love after the worst thing that every happened to us.
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Probably a combo of all of then.

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I'm not trying to point fingers but, he too, did things to cause our marriage to unravel. He too, had an affair..

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Originally Posted By: ShaylaJo
I'm not trying to point fingers but, he too, did things to cause our marriage to unravel. He too, had an affair..


Because at a minimum, you were both renters, not buyers. Neither of you were committed to giving the other "extraordinary care". Stay here and read all about marriage builders concepts.


BW - 65
WH - 60
M - 35 years
D-day - 17 Apr 08
DD - 44, DS - 30, DS - 23
H broke contact 11/1/09
Back in love after the worst thing that every happened to us.
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FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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