Generally the recommendation is two years from date of exposure.
I suggest you enter plan B and re evaluate your position every 6 months.
Once youre away from him for a year you may decide to move on or wait a few more months.

Why did it take you so long to get into Plan B? I am curious given that your WH is already out of the house and already to Plan B you himself, it should have been a pretty easy transition.

What types of interactions have you been having with him for the past couple of weeks?

So that you are perfectly aware - this is not a good Plan B plan, at all. There are so many gaps that I see contact will be continuing in this case. Is that what you want?

BTW, with continued contact, you will then be in Plan C, which is most likely to lead to divorce.

Susie can you please explain Plan C to me? I don't want to be in Plan C.


The reason it took me so long to get into Plan B is because I didn't feel strong enough. I was down, depressed and crying every day and it all seemed to much to handle. So I didn't get into it straight away.

I saw him at the school a few times and guess I was Plan A'ing him even though I knew I shouldn't have been. Guess I just wanted to show him just one last time what he was missing

But all that has stopped now and I'm not going anywhere anymore that he will be.

I'm feeling stronger and feeling ready now to do this.

Jedi I like your suggestion of reevaluating the situation every six months.

Indie i do feel a bit stronger and more independent. I guess I will feel this more so as time goes on and I have no contact.

It's so hard I have people around me telling me to forget about him, telling me I deserve better than him and putting their opinions in and telling me what to do but I don't want to listen to them. I only want to listen to people on the MB forum. It's just so draining when they bring it up all the time. I'm starting to distance myself from these people cause I don't have the energy.

Here you go.
BSs.....Plan C is not a Plan

They are scared because they see you love someone who plans on kicking you around like a football. They want you to take better care. So do we. But we won't argue you into it like scared people who love you.



But you DO have contact. That phone is like an unexploded greanade. It's only a matter of time before the A becomes a bit stressful. Instead of turning on her, he is going to dial your number and attack YOU. Or cake eat.

You are ruining your plans sitting around waiting for that phone to ring - aren't you? How could you not want him to call you and feel disappointed when he does not.

You need to get to a place where you don't have any idea if he is calling you. Nor do you care.

For that, you need NO contact. And a tough intermediary who won't tell you anything that happens with him unless he kicks her out.


Remember when he laughed at you and said you couldn't do MB? Well I know you can.

Get an IM
Change your number, email, everything
Block him and OW on FB.
Be prepared to leave if you see him anywhere public.
Anyone who mentions his name should be told you don't want to speak of him at all and he is not your business.
Throw any letters or notes away unread.

Don't even read his horoscope. You need to get very serious about this.

You're very right Indie. I am going to change my number and email.
And I will leave if I see him anywhere. I am going to make sure though that I don't see him. I am going to do my shopping further out of town and not go to any places that he could be at.


I don't have to worry about FB because neither me or WH are on facebook.

Brainhurts - WOW thanks so much for posting that link on Plan C. I just read the whole thread and it's exactly what I need. It is real eye opener for me.

I see. You wanted to follow Plan RockSolid vs the advice that Dr Harley gave you. And it's because you have a deathgrip (stealing this term from Melody) on your WH and wouldn't let go.

No BS needs to "feel stronger" to go into Plan B. The reason you NEED Plan B is because interacting with your WH is not good for your health. You actually had a breakdown due to this interaction.

Do you see this? Because if you don't, you are probably going to keep breaking your Plan B.

You're very welcome. We want to help you stay in a dark Plan B so you can heal.

Good.


What about seeing him at the school?

Who is the IM and have they been given the IM training manual? Has your H been made aware of the IM?

Can you get a good, neutral IM to take over any communication? They should read the IM training thread.

All they need to do is tell WH he needs to get in touch with them regarding childcare issues. Do you remember what I said about his needing to give notice if he wants to cancel? How you should also have back up babysitting for no shows? If he no shows or cancels he misses his turn. Keep the schedule as it is.

Once he no longer has access to you he will make trouble. One of the easiest methods is to try to mess with your routine to create a need to talk with you. So you need to make sure that does not happen.

Rock I remember how forcefully people put across their opinions and it IS wearying.

Just remember that if you get in to a 'rock solid' Plan B you won't need to persuade anyone your standards are high and that you won't endure cheating. They will SEE it in your actions.

My dad is the perfect example. He never liked my H and tried everything to prevent my wedding. This was long before anyone thought he could possibly cheat. When he had his affair, my dad said he would never speak to him again if we ever got back together. I didn't argue - he was entitled to his opinion.

Over time he saw I wasn't wavering on my standards and I was getting stronger. It was only a matter of weeks before he asked me what my conditions for recovery were in a less argumentative way. When I told him he agreed that it was a high enough bar and that he would support it.

It's been so long since I've posted that I'm sure I've been forgotten about. I've been lurking and reading posts but I have to say the reason that I haven't posted is I am just too ashamed at the total screw up I've made over the past 6 months.

I tried to go to Plan B and kept failing miserably. I kept talking to WH and seeing him. I disregarded Dr H's advice about Plan B and all the awesome posters on here trying to help me.

I don't know what to say except I'm sorry. I'm so in love with my WH and of course nothing has changed. He is still living with OW.

He has continued to give me false promises and hope. He promised me he would leave her by March 31st. Then the next day he said he was so sorry but he just couldn't do it. He just couldn't hurt her feelings and she has no where else to go. Yet he always finds it easy to hurt his wife and keep putting me second.

He has now said he knows the writing is on the wall for them and he knows it won't last. He said he's miserable with her and doesn't love her. He keeps promising me he will be back. He keeps saying that he wishes she would just leave him so he wouldn't have to be the bad guy to everybody.

He keeps giving excuses saying that he is scared what his family will say because they all love OW. He said he is scared about OW's brothers coming to bash him up if he leaves OW.

He always has excuses saying 'my life is so terrible, I Hate work, my kids hate me, I don't have time to do anything other than worry about work. He said work is his future and he needs to do everything he can at work and can think about nothing else.

I have told him 'What about our future and our marriage and our son'.

He says his life is one big mess and he doesn't know what to do. I feel he just wants to coast along and not do anything about our marriage because to him it's all TOO HARD to work on our marriage. He's too scared about what people think. His whole family condones his A and I do not have one single person on my side. They all want me gone and have welcomed OW as part of the family.

He has told me he hasn't had sex with OW in months. I don't know if this is true. I have slept with him again a few times over the last few months.

We have a parenting plan in place where we meet at a neutral place for pick up and drop off of our son at the same time twice a week. My son walks over to WH's car and then I drive off.

During these pick ups, OW is always on the phone to WH because she still does not trust him. She still has the GPS on his phone tracking his every move. She still does not trust him.

According to my WH, he has accidentally called OW by my name a couple of times recently and she has gone off her head.

From what I can gather she is still insecure, untrusting, LB'ing and wants my head on a platter and still determined to WIN at all costs.

I feel like I am the one in the A with my husband. His whole family has made me feel like this and I am starting to doubt myself.

I know that Dr H says that the A usually ends 6 months after exposure. Well I feel like it's been 6 months since I confronted OW and now it's me and WH that are basically over. And she's still there. So does this really mean that me and WH is the one who is over? I feel like I'm having an A and our A is over.

I can't get my head around this.

For the record he has still not divorced me. Apparently she keeps pushing him to do it but he still won't.

I've spoken to him many times about marriage builders and he kindly informed me that my best bet would be for me to go PLAN B like Dr Harley suggests. I told him that instead of giving me marriage builders advice, then maybe he should follow the program himself and end his A! He then makes excuses' I know , I know, it's not that easy'.

I even told him to come back here and post and he said he wouldn't because he knows what everyone will say. And he said' They don't know what it's like. They haven't lived a day in my shoes.'

He keeps saying he doesn't love her. Then next minute he says' I don't know what I feel about her'. Then he tells me he feels a sense of responsibility to her and her kids. I then ask him 'What about the responsibility to your wife and OWN child'. This he cannot answer.

I've been reading Scotland's amazing posts about when she was in Plan B. I wish for her strength.

I feel I don't know my WH anymore. When I see him and we are together it's my loving husband looking into my eyes with so much love and emotion.

Then he goes to being lazy and a coward and not wanting to do anything about saving our marriage. Just making promises and hoping she will leave.

He said he's always loved me and the plan is for us to spend our lives together. He's just too scared and I feel he will continue to live his life this way. Not happy but not doing anything about it. It's like he has accepted that this is his life now.

Does our marriage still stand a chance? Or have I totally blown it for ever? I do know deep down that he loves me.

If anybody doesn't want to reply that is fine. I know how much I've stuffed it and gone against what everyone said. I had such good intentions.

I'm so devastated. It will be 2 years this September that he has been living with OW.

He has also told me that he is not in the fog at all. He said he knows he wants to be with me, he just doesn't know how. Of course I don't believe that he is not foggy.

If I'm on the phone to him sometimes he will whisper 'I have to go' and know she has turned up. That hurts being put second all the time.

I know how much sense Plan B is. I try for a week and then fail. It's so hard

I wish I had done Plan B six months ago and maybe I would be in a better place right now.

I'm going overseas in 7 weeks. I will be going for 2 weeks with my son. I'm hoping it will be time for me to gain perspective and have fun with my boy.

Thanks to anyone who responds to me. I understand if everyone thinks I'm a lost cause who just has no hope in saving her marriage.

If there is no hope for our marriage after the worlds biggest stuff up then please just tell me. I need to know. Thanks

I wasn't going to post ever again as I was too ashamed at what I'd done (or haven't done).

But then I read someones post can't remember who and they said you can't just learn from lurking and reading. That you need support from people on the forum.

So here I am being honest about how I stuffed up again. I just need a hug.

RS we will be happy to support your Plan B. But only you can do it.

If you go into Plan B, we can support you. If you don't we cant. Not because we think you are terrible or anything like that but because it will encourage your H to continue to hurt you and we cant stop that.

1) Tell us what you need to do to cease contact. Do you need to change your contact details? The drop off sounds dodgy as you know what he is doing during it. Can you arrange a drop off without contact?

2) Read How to Plan B correctly and get all preps in place. IM, legal advice, separate finances. Prepare to cut him off if he tries to reach you.

3) Send your Plan B letter about how his indecision is hurting you too much. Say you cannot be in contact with him until he leaves her as he promised. Send OW a copy too. This will be very effective at causing trouble IF you stick to your plan B religiously.

There is still some hope, but not for much longer if you carry on with Plan C. You'll be in the nut house, she will be thrilled and they will get married.

However if you remove the prop you have given the A, it is ripe for ending of its own accord.

Do you really want to use MB?

Are you going to follow the plans?

You have allowed for your WH to cake eat for 2 years and he will continue to do so until you stop it.

You need to stop taking his abuse.

Are you ready to do the hard work?

We are here to guide you if you want to follow Dr. Harley's plans.

So how are you going to do this?

I hadn't realised it was 2 years. The A would probably be over by now if the plans were followed. 95 pc end in two years. RS would have mader her own attractive, drama free life, protected the money and made a haven for recovery.

Where do you want to be in the next two years RS?

I would post the OW on www.cheaterville.com and www.playerblock.com; tell your story, be factual and ideally post some proof.

Do it the same time you enter Plan B...