Will you snoop and find out if it's only her best friend that she's hanging with?

Sheepdog,

also her best friend that she spends all her time with is going thru a divorce.

You have to question why this friend is going through a divorce, and it could be that the friend is divorcing because she fell in love with your wife. The cover story about why the divorce is happening your wife told you may be very different from the truth. I might speak with the friends husband.

Does your wife have a history of same sex attraction or experiences?

God Bless
Gamma

I missed that. It's interesting because they were talking about a study on the radio show yesterday that found divorce to be "contagious". People were more likely to consider divorce if they had a friend that was divorcing or divorced. You can still listen to the rebroadcast from yesterday until about noon today by clicking on the "Listen Now" link at the top right of the page.

so do i tell her to limit the time she is spending and texting her friend

Sheepdog,

You need to read the texts your wife is receiving I think you will get your answer and it will put all this speculation and uncertainty to rest.

At this time I would not ask her to limit anything, you need to snoop to determine what is going on, if your wife realizes you know what is going on she will hide her affair even deeper.

The meaning of "I love you but am not in love with you" is that she is in love with someone else, but feels guilty since you are a good person and does not deserve to be cheated on.

God Bless
Gamma

Telling her to limit her time with her friend would be demanding. I would just work on spending 15hrs a week with her with undivided attention to meet each others top Emotional Needs.

Take her out on a date. When your all have time together in the evening spend that time meeting each others needs instead of watching TV. Even though divorce is contagious it only makes it easier for someone that was already leaning in that direction.

See if she would be willing to look at Dr. H's basic concepts.

You make yourself the more desirable person that she would like to spend time with.

But, now that she has been sampling the partying lifestyle by going out to bars on a regular basis without you, she has started to get used to IB, Independent Behaviors, so you really need to relearn whatever you did in the past that drew her attraction to you.

Let her know that by acting single and excluding you from quality Undivided Attention time together, you feel the distancing occurring and you would like to reignite the bond you had earlier together.

If, (and she probably is), she is having an affair, unless you Blow It Apart with expisure, all the best Plan A changes and elimination of Love Busters will have No Immediate Effect, yet continue to do them anyways.

For snooping, plant several VAR, Voice Activated Recorders around, like under her cars drivers seat and in a room in the home where she goes off for privacy and the bathroom.

Install spyware on her phone before she locks it and changes the password, so you can find out what's going on in your marriage.

Install a keylogger on the home computer.

Install a GPS Tracker in Real Time on her vehicle.

Read the Basic Concepts on this site and then follow the links and read some more.

Buy the book, Surviving An Affair and also Love Busters and see the similarities and follow the plan.

Is her phone clutched in her hand when she goes to sleep?

Is it locked and/or password protected?

Post updates on a regular basis.

LTL

Sheepdog, You are getting some good advice.

Does your wife have(or had) any complaints about you? If so what?

I would not tell her about MB yet.

Are you going to snoop?

We can't help if you won't rule out an affair. Why won't you look through her phone?

I'm not going to put trackers in her phone or car that dishonest and untrusting I know she not having an affair and she not in love with her friend that way be I'd prob getting the emotional needs met by her friend and not me. I do need to take her on dates and spend the min 15 hr a week but right now she has a hard time spending time with me one on one because of how bad she hurt me. I don't want to force her to spend time with me. She say I need to spend more time with my friends which I'm going start doing.

Did you read this?

Is she transparent with her phone? Will you look at her phone?

Sheepdog. When your wife comes home and tells you ILYBNILWY then it is a sign for you to find out WTH is going on!!

I know you love your wife and think it is incomprehensible that she is having an affair. We have all been there. We get it.

This is your family of 11 years. Snoop and find out the truth. The only way you can fix the problem is by knowing exactly what the problem is. Right now you are just guessing.

Her phone has a lock on it and no im not going to look at it i dont care what it says i feel it still dishonst and untrusting i dont believe that she even realizes that she is getting her emotionals needs met from her friend. so somehow i either have to tell her thats what is going on or somehow get her to realize it for herself she is just confused what is going on

is it possible she just fell out of love or is that not possible

You do understand that when she goes out with this friend, she might be seeing another man? How would you know if you weren't with them?

Your wife is clearly comparing you to someone else. If you can't bring yourself to find the truth, be assured, she WILL divorce you and replace you.

Women do this with extremely neglectful husbands. They tend to beg and plead those husbands to change. Your wife is out partying. This is not the same.

What does this mean, sheepdog?

If she hurt you badly, and she feels guilty about this, then she would want to spend MORE time with you, not LESS...

Yes, because she has someone else in her life who is giving her fresh new feelings. It is called The Contrast Effect.

If YOU are not interested in saving your marriage by not even considering the advice given, then your marriage is over, but you don't realize it yet.

Google, "I Love You But I'm Not In Love With You".

It is not just this forum, or any forum with Betrayed Spouses who are hypervigilent regarding knowing the true, and nearly identical signs and phrases your Wife will do and say, but it is the entire world who has studied behaviors during infidelity.

Would you mind if your Wife looked at YOUR phone?

Probably Not!!! That's because people who don't have anything to hide don't hide anything.

Unfortunately, you WILL discover what we already can clearly see, but then later on down the road when you are desperate to then finally want to do something about it, her affair will have become much more entrenched.

Act Now, while you still have a chance!!!

LTL

we live a small town and my wife and i are very know if she was out with another man i would know my friends and family would know as well

Right now, she has you believing this load of crud.

Tell her that if she wants to stop hurting the marriage and you, then you both need to be spending a "Minimum" of 15 hours of UA time together, which the 2 of you schedule together on the weekend and then that will show her true colors.

Only the strong and decisive Betrayed Husbands have a chance at reconciling their marriages.

LTL