Hi Jedi

That's great you read your girls every night. Is the Patchwork Girl of Oz funny? I believe the best thing you can do with your kids is read with them. It's so wonderful when your kids love books and reading. I used to take my DD to the library when she was little and now my DS.

No I don't read the bible but I pray a lot. I have been thinking about the bible and getting in touch with God more. I can't see that devotion maybe I'm not looking in the right place. Is it where all the topics are listed?

Ah yes I just found the devotionals. Thanks Jedi

Magic of Wings is a fictional book by Valancy's favorite author, John Foster. John Foster, in the story, is a mysterious man who writes popular and uplifting nature books. No one knows who he is or where he's from, only that he must be in Canada somewhere. You will love this book.

Read little bits of the gospels, even just a couple verses at a time to build the habit of reading the Word. Look for Bible storybooks, too. I have some favorite books of Biblical fiction that I read over and over again, and find a new blessing each time.

Thanks Neak I always enjoy reading something new. Especially things that make me think and have positive messages. I downloaded The Blue Castle onto my phone and Anne's house of dreams.

Great ideas about the bible too.

I'm so upset and crying. I don't know what to do or how to proceed.

My DS informed me that his daddy told him that he had found a house to buy with OW.

I'm so devastated. I feel like I can't breathe and am falling apart all over again.

How could he go and do this to me knowing how much I love him. He knew this one thing would destroy me yet he is gong to do it anyway.

I thought he loved me. Even a few weeks ago when I saw him last he said he was trying to avoid buying a house with her. Well he hasn't tried very hard has he? Doesn't he have a voice? I don't understand.

I know the love I saw in his eyes for me. I know he loves me. Who makes that sort of commitment to someone who they don't apparently love? Why won't he say no? I have no chance anymore I just know it.

He has made so many promises to me saying that he doesn't see it lasting with her and that it's ME he wants to spend his life with. But he doesn't want to hurt her. Yet he has no qualms about hurting his wife who has been hanging on like a lap dog for the past two years!!

He told me that we would be together by September and that he really couldn't see it lasting any longer with OW. So if he truly believes this, why would he go and make a commitment of buying a house with her?? Why buy a house with someone that you don't think is going to last?

Or is everything that comes out of his mouth one big LIE?

So broken right now. I love my H so much. I can't believe he continues to hurt me and hurt me and hurt me.

I guess it's out of sight out of mind for him. Looks like my Plan B letter has given him the green light to go and buy his house with OW. Guess he hasn't missed me AT ALL. He's obviously not been pining me whatsoever.

I guess 10 days of NC he hasn't spared a thought for me. As soon as I'm out of the picture he's 'YES now she's gone I will now go buy a house with POSOW'. So much for him missing me and desperately wanting me back. Nope.

Once again his actions have spoken louder than words.

I feel like such a fool for waiting and hoping for something that is never going to happen.

SHE'S WON. I guess POSOW is feeling pretty happy with herself right now. I hate her so much. Even after she knew he'd been seeing me she still continued to cling onto my husband so I wouldn't have him.

I just really thought he loved me you know? Even through everything I could just look into his eyes and see that he loved me. But obviously not enough hey.

I guess he's just like any typical wayward afterall.

What's the point anymore? He's made his choice. I'm so p*ssed off that he has hurt me again.

I so want to contact him badly and tell him how much he has hurt me and how could he do this to me. I want him to know the pain he has caused me. But I won't. It will all fall on deaf ears and nothing I say will change anything.

These last ten days of NC I have come so far in just that short time and felt I was doing so well. I was doing well. And now this has come to light and I just feel hopeless and worthless.

Should I just divorce him and cut my losses and accept that it's truly over?

I've been reading Love must Be Tough and have felt so encouraged but I don't know what to think anymore.

I'm sick of feeling this pain

How do I pick myself up from yet another blow?

Why can't my marriage just get the break it needs??

Indie I know you said you had no fear they would break up whatsoever but I just can't see it happening anymore. And that he would be back on bended knee to me. I can't see that either. I really wanted to believe this and hoped for it but after today I feel so broken and uninspired.

I know Dr Harley says most affairs end in 2 years but they've been living together nearly 2 years and dated a year before that so they've basically been together 3 years

Even when he cheated on her with me she still clung on like a dog. I don't think she is ever going to leave and he obviously won't tell her to.

So gutted

I'm so sorry for your pain. I know this hurts, but do not contact him.

It's going to take awhile for your WH to know you're serious because he has had both of you for 3 years. Stay strong and remain dark.

Stay strong, my friend.

Thanks Brainhurts. I won't contact him. It hurts so much.

I thought even after 10 days he would see I am serious because I have never lasted more than a few days before.

Do you see any hope left for us?

He knows you're serious, but expects you to break and crawl back to him. It's going to take some real time for him to see you aren't going to take his abuse anymore.

He also knew your DS would run home and tell you this information and so he is probably very shocked you didn't contact him.

If he wants to sink his financials into this OW he will have to learn. He's a big boy who has had 2 women doing everything for him for the past 3 years. Let him get all his ENs met by her and let the financial stress run all over him. Buying a house is very stressful.

I know it hurts, but sit back and let it rain down on him. The OW will drain him.

Where you're going to have to remain strong is when he tries to break NC and tries to complain to you about her.

So let's see how to plug this Plan B hole.

What can you do the next time your DS wants to tell you something your WH tells him?

Also do me a favor. Listen to this radio show of Dr. Harley telling the wives when enough abuse is enough and what they need to do. Mind you this is about 2 WW, but the BH and one is now a WH are trying to "punish" their WWs.

Tell us what you think.
Radio Clip

I agree plug the hole. Stay Rocksolid. Its hard not to constantly think of your WS but what makes it harder is getting new info all the time. My mistake has been seeking it out. You can stay dark about yourself but you also need to stay dark about what you learn about them.
Every bit of advice I have googled or asked about comes back to the same advice I have been given here, focus on yourself. Do something for yourself no matter how small it is. Like today I am going to wash the car so I can take a drive out to get a new air freshner for it. Its something small but its a distraction.
At the end of the day you can only rely on yourself.

Hi Rock,
I am a FWW, so I don't know the pain your feeling, I only know the pain I caused my BH.
I've been following your thread and I just wanted to say how sorry I am at this new "development", I know from reading how important him not purchasing a home with POSOW.
I'm so sorry for what your going through, it's threads like yours, that remind me of the turmoil and distruction I (and all WW's) caused, it's a HORRIBLE feeling, I hope that one day your WH will see it and feel it.

Honey, you must expect such things. When you have two drunks running around they are capable of pretty much anything, so you must expect anything.

The good news is that the things they do have no significance. They ARE drunk and not even a marriage ceremony could make them sober, or make their actions mean something. The things they do will also not last. It's all fleeting.

I have some concerns about you praying for him and the wedding candle. I will let the more religious folks chime in here as it's not my wheelhouse, but I can't see that being good for your Plan B.

Obviously I don't find it morally objectionable, on the contrary it is sweet and strong and true. It's just for Plan B you have to disengage yourself, withdraw from nostalgia and not rake up your feelings so much with items from your wedding! It keeps the love bank alive, keeps the memory of the old husband alive and makes the actions of the alien that much more surprisingly hurtful.

You are honouring your marriage by being faithful and taking a stand against adultery. Your task now is to make YOU strong -or there cannot be any kind of recovery, marital or personal.

As I said, I feel timid about such suggestions, but I would rather more pray for my efforts to continue being successful and for continued strength. Perhaps use your faith to show trust in the path being shown you and that you accept a rocky path for the greater good. That you will not stumble.

My suggestions are:

1) see a lawyer. How will his possibly making a house purchase affect your rights financially as his wife ( does that mean you would own it and take half in any potential divorce?)
2) remember that this is just TALK of a house - probably to disrupt your Plan B. I'd bet my favourite shoes he is just firing his pea shooter, scared of your new found strength.
3) read Anne of Avonlea, Anne of the Island, Anne of Windy Poplars, Anne's House of Dreams, Anne of Ingleside and Rilla of Ingleside.

The last book, about Anne's daughter is arguably the best. The Anne books are perfect escapism for you, poor chicky, but they are also laugh out loud funny and good soul food - you'll be forty times wiser when you are through.

If his name goes on a house that he purchases while still married to you it becomes your property, too. Any mortgage company or title company will insist that you sign for the house as well.

Is this true in the UK also? She's in the UK.

Hi Brits_Brat and BrainHurts, I'm in Australia. I think any random person can buy a house and it doesn't matter here.

Brainhurts I can't see any way really that my WH would try and break NC. He doesn't have my number and email anymore. The only way would be if he turned up on my doorstep. And I know that ain't happening while he remains with OW. The reason I know this is because he isn't allowed by OW and SHE put a GPS tracker on his phone 24/7 and she is always checking where he is. Any minute unaccounted for she knows about it. (see how obsessed she is! It should be the wife that tracks a husband not an OW!)

So I know the only time he would turn up on my doorstep would be if he had left her. He often told me that he will turn up on my doorstep when they broke up. Hmmm we'll see if that ever happens.

I guess I have to tell DS that I can't hear anything else about Daddy and OW. I admit I have fished for info cause I feel I just have to know. And then when I do know it hurts. I have to be stronger in that regard. I know DS feels bad telling me stuff and he always gives me cuddles. I need to be the Mum and act strong.

I think your'e right in saying that WH will be expecting me to crawl back and break NC. After all that's what I've always done. He's probably surprised I've gone this long.

My bad, Australia, thanks.

Good girl on coming up with ways to plug the holes. It will probably take some relief off your DS, because he doesn't have to make Mom sad.

Thanks Brain for that link to the radio show. I just finished listening to the whole program. That definately gave me a lot to think about regarding revenge affairs. I haven't been able to find a lot of info on that so that was helpful.

So you would say my WH is deliberately punishing me for my A that occurred over 3 years ago? That he is still punishing me? He has often said that he has forgiven me long ago for that and that he is the one who has the making up to do. And he has said that he never got OW for revenge, he did it to feel good about himself again. I remember Indie commenting way back when I started posting that revenge affairs begin selfishly and as an affront to the marriage.

Do you think that WH'S actually KNOW they are doing it to get revenge and punish? Do they do it deliberately to hurt the BS or is it a more subconcious thing? They don't think they are doing it to punish when deep down on some level they are? Does that even make sense??

When my H would look at me these past months with so much love, and talk to me with so much love it just doesn't seem he would be cruel enough to think 'I'm going to keep on punishing her'. I guess he's just punishing me without realising it?

Thanks bluebeck for reading my thread. Yes I find it hard to remain dark about stuff going on with WH. And then sometimes I ask what's going on and know I shouldn't. I've been trying to focus on myself and doing lots of reading. Just getting through each day is an achievement in itself sometimes.