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Originally Posted by SFL
Is giving him 30 days extortion? I have no idea who posted cheaterville link on his work page but it was not me. Is the fact that I created a cheaterville page going to be held against me in court?

Please advise. He is now calling saying if I pull back he will pull back.

Of course its not extortion. What did you "extort?" Nothing. I would just ignore his rantings and move forward with your divorce. If he is harassing you, then go into a modified Plan B and shut the door. What I mean by modified is a) omit the love letter and b) don't mention reconciliation or a path back. Just tell him not to contact you directly but to send all communication to your designated intermediary.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by SFL
Is giving him 30 days extortion? I have no idea who posted cheaterville link on his work page but it was not me. Is the fact that I created a cheaterville page going to be held against me in court?

It is not against the law to tell the truth in America.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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Originally Posted by SFL
Please advise. He is now calling saying if I pull back he will pull back.

Tell him to bring it on so your attorney can subpeona his skanks and air ALL his and their dirty laundry in court!!! weightlifter Don't get sucked into this rambling stupidity. There is no extortion MrRollieEyes and rotflmao He is not going to be able to take your kids. All this is melodrama. dramaqueen


BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011




Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
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Originally Posted by SFL
I really need everyone's help right now. This has gotten messy and WH is getting ugly.
His texts have gotten out of control:
"Making these threats, worse, following through looks really bad for you in court. Damaging me financially for malicious purposes. I don't want to go there Please."

No it doesn't. It makes HIM look bad in court. Also, if anyone is damaging him financially, it's his own actions doing so, not yours.

"I am exiting to avoid the scar on my career but I am doing it because you are coercing me. What are you trying to accomplish. I told him you were threatening to 'expose' me that's why I wanted to exit. I told him everything and came as clean as I could."

He hasn't told him anything. I would bet my last dollar he hasn't even talked to him. He was banking that you would fold, or at least back off, if he fed you these little tidbits. He now sees you aren't biting, and he's in a telltale panic mode.

AND THEN HE TEXTED ME:
"So you posted your cheaterville profile to my work FAcebook page?? You said you would give me time to exit gracefully. Clearly, you did not. This just got ugly. Don't play dumb."
*** I did nothing of the sort. Apparently someone created a fake fb profile "sarah marie" and posted onto his work FB page asking them to investigate WH and knowing some facts about their relationship that I don't even think I revealed on this board (I'll have to check)
He then said:
"I will fight so dirty now. I will do everything in my power to lock you up for extortion and take the kids from you." He then accused me of horrible things.

Again, threats to try and make you back off. Nothing more as you have him against the ropes, and his only recourse is threaten you in return. Don't fall for it. It's typical behavior.

He also sent an email to "his attorney" saying he forwarded my texts of giving him 30 days and the cheaterville post with their response being:
"The DA prosecutes criminal cases so contacting the DA's office is a good idea."

I don't know if he is making all of this up to make me think his career is already "ruined." but I am scared.

Of course he's making all this up. He knows there's no defense against the truth, and the only tactic he has left now is intimidation. It's quite common. If you let it get to you and allow it, then he reels control back in. Don't let off the gas.

Is giving him 30 days extortion? I have no idea who posted cheaterville link on his work page but it was not me. Is the fact that I created a cheaterville page going to be held against me in court?



Please advise. He is now calling saying if I pull back he will pull back.

Don't. You have proof and he has threats. You back down now and he has you where he wants you. You don't want that.

Last edited by Viper; 05/27/14 07:53 PM.

Every man I meet is in some way my superior; and in that I can learn of him.

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Watch what you communicate to him in writing/text. Either ignore him, tell him that he can speak to your attorney later...but whatever you do don't get sucked into arguments with a crazy man. Save your brain cells.

Last edited by black_raven; 05/27/14 07:55 PM.

BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011




Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Originally Posted by SFL
He also sent an email to "his attorney" saying he forwarded my texts of giving him 30 days and the cheaterville post with their response being:
"The DA prosecutes criminal cases so contacting the DA's office is a good idea."

rotflmao

I would just comment that maybe it would be a good idea to bring everything out into a court of law. You can present the evidence gathered by the PI and he and the OW can be subpoenaed into court to give sworn testimony about their adultery.

So, ENCOURAGE him to bring this to court! grin


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Your husband is blowing smoke because he is terrified you will expose him at work. If you don't believe me, then tell him since he has told his boss the "truth" you will be calling the boss tomorrow to discuss the situation.

Your husband will go insane because IT IS A LIE.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Originally Posted by SFL
He also sent an email to "his attorney" saying he forwarded my texts of giving him 30 days and the cheaterville post with their response being:
"The DA prosecutes criminal cases so contacting the DA's office is a good idea."

rotflmao

I would just comment that maybe it would be a good idea to bring everything out into a court of law. You can present the evidence gathered by the PI and he and the OW can be subpoenaed into court to give sworn testimony about their adultery.

So, ENCOURAGE him to bring this to court! grin

x 2

I did this. I had relatively very little issue with my then stbx when I told him this. I had tons of affair evidence that would have done nothing but embarrass him. We never went to court. My lawyer prepared the divorce decree and my ex signed it. The end. All his huffing and puffing was MrRollieEyes


BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011




Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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SFL, how you handle things now will set the tone for your divorce. Backing down is not a good idea...most regret it and wish they drew a line in the sand from the very beginning because a WS will see you as WEAK. Once that happens, a WS will keep pushing. Don't let that happen. You don't have to be ugly or nasty but stand up for yourself...and maybe give him a swift kick in the teeth if he thinks he can scare you.


BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011




Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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wow. thank you so much everyone. He is calling and calling saying "it doesn't have to be this way, let's end this now."

I am not responding.

Would love help with a modified Plan B.

He said that he cashed out money from our investment account and that it would be there "next week at the latest."

D papers have been filed and I want to serve him first but I also want to ensure I am getting half of our savings so I can afford the attorney.

He is calling and calling and I'd like him to prove half of our money is on the way to me. Any suggestions of how to say this? He sent me a picture of how much "cash" we had but no picture of it being en route my account.

You have all been so amazing. thank you.









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Originally Posted by SFL
He said that he cashed out money from our investment account and that it would be there "next week at the latest." D papers have been filed and I want to serve him first but I also want to ensure I am getting half of our savings so I can afford the attorney.

Let the attorney know in the morning that he has pulled this stunt. He will have to give it to you.

Do you have an intermediary yet? And how will you handle child transfers without seeing him? I would be thinking about that now because it has to be included in the letter.

I will start working on the Plan B letter.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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Has he withdrawn all your funds? Most? What do you still have access to?


BW - me
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2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011




Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
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Dear WH,

Your affair has been the most painful thing I have endured in my life. Because of this, I will avoid seeing you or talking to you. Our friend, ________, has agreed to help make arrangements for you to see our children. If you want to communicate about the children or any other matter, it will have to be through them.

I would like offer visitation every other weekend from Friday evening until Saturday evening. You would take the children with you. I would only ask that you not expose them to your affair partner. I will expect that you will continue to deposit your check into our joint account to provide support for me and the children.

I ask that you respect my decision to separate from you this way. You must know about the suffering I have endured because of your relationship, and I simply cannot be with you any longer knowing that you are together. I cannot see you under these conditions.

Respectfully, SFL


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Does this need a line such as, "Please do not contact me by phone, text, email, or any other direct way. Do not contact me in person. Send any necessary messages care of <intermediary name>."


Me 58: FWH (NC 32 yr), W 60, married 36 yr, DD 32
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Your affairs...plural


BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011




Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Thank you everyone. Yes I have an intermediary. Will send him plan B letter- thanks MelodyLane! He keeps calling me wanting to talk and says that he talked to OW today and she said her dad got a lawyer because the cheaterville post had "personally identifiable information" on it and I could get sued. ?? Had her photo and her name and that she got my husband to buy her things.

He's been texting and calling all day- I want to tell him to please deposit half our savings into my account, then we'll talk. He wants my assurance that I won't report the PI info to HR. I want half of our savings deposited but in that case would that be extortion? I wouldn't think so because it's half mine....

Seems like this whole ordeal brought WH and OW closer. frown I guess I didn't successfully kill the affair but I will make sure she isn't legally aloud to be near my children.





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Originally Posted by SFL
she said her dad got a lawyer because the cheaterville post had "personally identifiable information" on it and I could get sued. ?? Had her photo and her name and that she got my husband to buy her things.


Oh this old chestnut. Just once I would like a wayward to skip this one. It isn't against the law to tell the truth anywhere in the world and he knows it. If you do speak to him and he says 'she's identifiable' - say "It was meant to identify her! Isn't she proud of her affair with you?!"

If her dad thinks telling the truth is against the law he probably DOES need legal advice. One BS had a the lawyer uncle of an OW threaten her and she said 'go ahead - lets have the day in the court and I will bring along a reporter to cover all the claims I have made and the proof I have to back it up' Not surprisingly he went meekly away and it never happened.

I'm a reporter myself and know how to write publicly about misdeeds legally. Nevertheless it didn't stop OW threatening hilariously to 'go to the police' (Defamation is a civil not a criminal matter) and to 'get me sued'. My XH (who knows I know my stuff and that I write about people being rapists and murderers before lunch) delivered this to me with a straight face, and poker faced I replied that it did sound like she needed to learn more about what her rights were.


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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MOVE THE CASH. He won't do it. Can you?

Either get in first and move it or see a lawyer.

I was also accused of being an anonymous exposer, just like you. I replied that all my exposures had been LOUD and PROUD and that all my supporters were open and honetly disgusted too. It is probably one of his other mistresses who is causing trouble on FB without feeling able to reveal herself.

This is exactly what we meant when we said he'd get found out soon anyway. She's clearly been dying to take him down. Who can blame her, really?

It's not a real workplace exposure though. His bosses can ignore something anonymous as malicious - It isn't even addressed to them. When you do it, you'll do it right.



What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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Can you write another Plan A note to him?

"Dear WH.

My exposures of your affair all carry my name. I have no need to hide my identity becuse I have done nothing wrong, nor have my supporters. When I expose you at work, it will have my name on the letter and it will be addressed to the proper people and it will be an attempt to prevent a sexual harrassment suit using their help. One of the reasons I want you to leave is because I anticipated one of your other mistresses might cause trouble. Please try to leave the workplace gracefully as soon as possible. Your affairs have made this workplace an impossible place for you to be. For the future of our family I beg you to behave responsibly"

Last edited by indiegirl; 05/28/14 01:38 AM.

What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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Originally Posted by SFL
Thank you everyone. Yes I have an intermediary. Will send him plan B letter- thanks MelodyLane! He keeps calling me wanting to talk and says that he talked to OW today and she said her dad got a lawyer because the cheaterville post had "personally identifiable information" on it and I could get sued. ?? Had her photo and her name and that she got my husband to buy her things.

That's great!! grin Someone just lost such a lawsuit against cheaterville. You can't be sued because it is not against the law to tell truth in America.

Tell him to have the father contact you directly and you can discuss the affair.

Quote
He's been texting and calling all day- I want to tell him to please deposit half our savings into my account, then we'll talk. He wants my assurance that I won't report the PI info to HR. I want half of our savings deposited but in that case would that be extortion? I wouldn't think so because it's half mine....

Now, that is extortion and you shouldn't say that. But what is his objection to your bringing the PI evidence to HR since he has already told his boss? Don't agree to anything. But ask him why this would be a problem? That makes no sense given his previous statements.

Quote
Seems like this whole ordeal brought WH and OW closer. frown I guess I didn't successfully kill the affair but I will make sure she isn't legally aloud to be near my children.

The rats run together temporarily on the sinking ship. But the ship is sinking. It is way too soon to say that you haven't successfully killed the affair. However, you knew that when you decided not to expose at work and go straight to divorce. The affair can't end if he keeps that job.




"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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