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Okay I like that Indie. Feelings not logic.
So I'm grounded again. Gosh these feelings really do change from one minute to the next don't they. I felt okay-ish this week but then really down today.
So three weeks in is the worst? So it must be going to get better very soon I hope!
You know what when I was crying this afternoon I was so close to dialling his number and telling him I loved him. To get some reassurance.
So what stopped me?
1) I didn't want to undo all the hard work I had done and knew I would have to start all over. I couldn't do that as I had come so far. 2) I imagined my friends on MB being dissapointed in me. 3) I thought of Dr Harley and knew that he knew best and everyone on MB knows best.
So what did I do instead?
I pulled myself together and dialled a girlfriend and she cheered me up. I then went and tickled my DS and we laughed.
Onwards again.
I am proud of myself for not caving. If you can get through one of those real low roller moments, you can get through anything!
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Indie I think you are spot on with the hidden wayward. Even I could probably see that and I'm no expert! You know that saying 'Those who doth protest too much'. (or something like that). Your BF is very lucky to have you. I bet he knows it too! Let's hope my rollercoaster is coming up to the top soon I've sure had enough of being at the bottom.
Me: FWW/BW - 38 yrs XH: FBH/WH - 41 yrs Plan B DS: 9yrs old (with H) DD: 20yrs old Divorced Dec 2014 WXH still living with POSOW
Actions mean EVERYTHING. Words mean NOTHING.
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Thanks Indie! Feels good to pick myself up again.
Me: FWW/BW - 38 yrs XH: FBH/WH - 41 yrs Plan B DS: 9yrs old (with H) DD: 20yrs old Divorced Dec 2014 WXH still living with POSOW
Actions mean EVERYTHING. Words mean NOTHING.
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Good for you, Rock!!!! You handled that like a pro. Indie, how much you wanna bet that OW is still walking around, looking over her shoulder, muttering "Affair down?" over and over and over again. It's almost like that resonated or something.
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner. ~ English proverb Neak's Story
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Indie, how much you wanna bet that OW is still walking around, looking over her shoulder, muttering "Affair down?" over and over and over again. It's almost like that resonated or something. I've seen dead eyes in the face of a wayward spouse, now I've seen the crazy eyes of the OP (I confronted mine over the phone, never face to face). I had a lot of pity for her strangely. Not enough to be nice though
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Okay I like that Indie. Feelings not logic.
So I'm grounded again. Gosh these feelings really do change from one minute to the next don't they. I felt okay-ish this week but then really down today.
So three weeks in is the worst? So it must be going to get better very soon I hope!
You know what when I was crying this afternoon I was so close to dialling his number and telling him I loved him. To get some reassurance.
So what stopped me?
1) I didn't want to undo all the hard work I had done and knew I would have to start all over. I couldn't do that as I had come so far. 2) I imagined my friends on MB being dissapointed in me. 3) I thought of Dr Harley and knew that he knew best and everyone on MB knows best.
So what did I do instead?
I pulled myself together and dialled a girlfriend and she cheered me up. I then went and tickled my DS and we laughed.
Onwards again.
I am proud of myself for not caving. I'm so glad you didn't cave!!! Good job. Now plan some self-care for you!!!
FWW/BW (me) WH 2nd M for both Blended Family with 7 kids between us Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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I'm glad I didn't cave too BrainHurts. It's so hard though.
The only self-care I've really been doing is getting earlier nights and resting. All this is wearing me down and I look forward to sleep.
I'm having angry days too where I'm so angry that he keeps staying with OW. Is this normal to get angry too? I suppose it is.
Me: FWW/BW - 38 yrs XH: FBH/WH - 41 yrs Plan B DS: 9yrs old (with H) DD: 20yrs old Divorced Dec 2014 WXH still living with POSOW
Actions mean EVERYTHING. Words mean NOTHING.
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Everything you feel, good and bad, is normal. Keep working to ease your way through the bad feelings, though. Just because they're normal doesn't mean you want to stay in them.
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner. ~ English proverb Neak's Story
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I'm glad I didn't cave too BrainHurts. It's so hard though.
The only self-care I've really been doing is getting earlier nights and resting. All this is wearing me down and I look forward to sleep.
I'm having angry days too where I'm so angry that he keeps staying with OW. Is this normal to get angry too? I suppose it is. Sleep is very good self care! I went through the whole gambit of the different grief emotions. All the way to happy- as- a- clam
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Yes sleep is definately a good start considering I haven't slept well in ages. I'm hoping to get to happy as a clam too! I'm actually going digging for clams on PEI. Don't think the clams will be too happy about that Today is 3 weeks exactly of Plan B for me. That's a big milestone for me. I actually do see little signs where I'm getting stronger and feeling positive about the future. Baby steps.
Me: FWW/BW - 38 yrs XH: FBH/WH - 41 yrs Plan B DS: 9yrs old (with H) DD: 20yrs old Divorced Dec 2014 WXH still living with POSOW
Actions mean EVERYTHING. Words mean NOTHING.
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Neak I sure don't want to stay in the bad feelings. I'm getting better at pulling myself together and thinking of positive things.
Me: FWW/BW - 38 yrs XH: FBH/WH - 41 yrs Plan B DS: 9yrs old (with H) DD: 20yrs old Divorced Dec 2014 WXH still living with POSOW
Actions mean EVERYTHING. Words mean NOTHING.
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Yes sleep is definately a good start considering I haven't slept well in ages. I'm hoping to get to happy as a clam too! I'm actually going digging for clams on PEI. Don't think the clams will be too happy about that Today is 3 weeks exactly of Plan B for me. That's a big milestone for me. I actually do see little signs where I'm getting stronger and feeling positive about the future. Baby steps. lol I love it when you see a Plan Ber start to get sparkly. It's like seeing a snowdrop come up in late winter. You planted it, you knew it was due, but it is always a little miracle when it comes out to play.
Last edited by indiegirl; 05/29/14 12:01 PM.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Neak those photos are amazing!! Thanks so much for sharing. I can't wait to see inside the Anne House that's number one on my list. Is the LM grave site near the Anne House do you remember? And I can't wait to go down those trails
Me: FWW/BW - 38 yrs XH: FBH/WH - 41 yrs Plan B DS: 9yrs old (with H) DD: 20yrs old Divorced Dec 2014 WXH still living with POSOW
Actions mean EVERYTHING. Words mean NOTHING.
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Indie I've decided that I am now wearing an invisible crown and nobody is going to dull my sparkle
Me: FWW/BW - 38 yrs XH: FBH/WH - 41 yrs Plan B DS: 9yrs old (with H) DD: 20yrs old Divorced Dec 2014 WXH still living with POSOW
Actions mean EVERYTHING. Words mean NOTHING.
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I don't remember how far apart they are, but the whole island is so small that everything's pretty close to everything.
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner. ~ English proverb Neak's Story
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Thanks Neak that is good to know. Maybe you can go back someday!
Me: FWW/BW - 38 yrs XH: FBH/WH - 41 yrs Plan B DS: 9yrs old (with H) DD: 20yrs old Divorced Dec 2014 WXH still living with POSOW
Actions mean EVERYTHING. Words mean NOTHING.
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Wow just read my whole thread from the start. I've even surprised myself at how far I've come. What a mess I was back then!
Back then everything was so raw and even though the advice I was getting was spot on it was like I wasn't really 'there' if you know what I mean. I was so caught up in my pain that I wasn't really listening. In fear. And now I read back on what everyone was writing it just makes so much sense now and having lots of A-HA moments.
So now I'm onto Week 4 of Plan B. When I first started Plan B every day seemed to last forever and I would cry all day and night. Nearly 4 weeks now I feel empowered and know 100 percent I am doing the right thing.
At first I did think i was doing Plan B for my H to come back to me. Of course I still want him to come home to me. But now I realise more importantly as everyone has pointed out to me, is that it is for ME. For me to heal. For me to become a stronger better person. To become the best mother I can be for my DS.
When I first started Plan B four weeks ago I never thought I could do this. It was hard there's no doubt about it. I nearly caved and called him and I fought with myself about it so many times. But I didn't cave. I was strong. And you know what? It's second nature to me now. I don't fight with myself to call him. I know my plan and I stick to it. I know that I will not cave. I'm doing it and surviving!
It's getting easier each day. I can't believe how fast this time has gone. At the start the days would go so slow and drag on. But I'm keeping busy and enjoying my time with my son and planning my trip.
It feels good to have a plan.
Thank you everyone here for being so super duper awesome and believing in me.
I still love WH with all my heart and pray for a chance for our marriage to recover. But as Susie says ' I don't have a deathgrip anymore'!
I'm going to make my life the best I can be and I won't be treated like a doormat anymore. It's my time to shine!!
Thank you everybody here you have all been my saviour!
Indie you're definately right the first three weeks were the hardest. I can feel myself going higher up the rollercoaster now.
I will be realistic though and know this may change and I may go low again, but for the time being I'm enjoying feeling strong and empowered.
Me: FWW/BW - 38 yrs XH: FBH/WH - 41 yrs Plan B DS: 9yrs old (with H) DD: 20yrs old Divorced Dec 2014 WXH still living with POSOW
Actions mean EVERYTHING. Words mean NOTHING.
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And that my friend, is what a MB success story sounds like. You may not recover your marriage, but you WILL RECOVER YOURSELF.
Good job.
FWW/BW (me) WH 2nd M for both Blended Family with 7 kids between us Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Thank you BrainHurts. Your advice is always so helpful I feel good today.
Me: FWW/BW - 38 yrs XH: FBH/WH - 41 yrs Plan B DS: 9yrs old (with H) DD: 20yrs old Divorced Dec 2014 WXH still living with POSOW
Actions mean EVERYTHING. Words mean NOTHING.
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