Thanks Markos and ML

I guess this little glimmer is very positive, Morkos, your advice reminded me to count blessings, not offences....

I know everyone, (including me) would like to "cherry pick".

Heck -- I have been MBing for years, I still have LB's and AOs. Tho admittedly not as severe or as much now.

Went to dinner with H, DD, BIL, SIL and MIL.
It went OK.
My BIL tried talking a few times to me. I avoided conversation.
I still have a hard time walking the line of what is appropriate there.
Under no circumstances do I want to give the impression that what he did (supporting and giving money for a divorce) is "OK" by my standards.

...... just 'taint.
H wants me to let it all "go". How do you unring that bell?

I have gotten out the LB book, and will look again at the online lessons. He may be at a place where he is willling to give MB a try.

thanks.

Barbie, what is appropriate is for you and your H to respectfully negotiate any contact with your BIL. It is very disrespectful of your H to tell you to "let it go." But you do need to let it go FOR NOW. He is interested in learning the POJA. Use that as a hook to get him into Marriage Builders. That is how I got my H on board. That was the springboard to really turning my marriage around.

If you can, do the online program so you can get Dr Harley's help to turn him around. It will make a huge difference and it will happen fast.

Barbiecat,

Sorry to hear about your recent marital problems. After reading through a couple of your threads I can't say I'm surprised. I think your husband is once again showing you and your family exactly who he really is versus this being any kind of mistake or temporary aberration. You should be in a real plan B, making plans for yourself for the rest of your life, divorcing this man-boy and posting to people that know how to help you versus continuing down this path of trying to mix and match every book, program, wayward peer advice forum out there.

The most shocking thing to me is that you went to DB and tried to 180 him. I'm sure he thought that was great. Nomoremrnice guy narcissists just love it when everyone acts all happy and everything while they walk all over you. You should be in Plan B with absolutely NO CONTACT with him. You should have done this about 6 years ago...but better late than never.

Please know that my wife and I are also in the Detroit Metropolitan area and that if you need help with snooping on your cheating husband we might be able to help you out.

Again, I'm sorry you find yourself in this position again.

Mr. W

Let me also add that identifying OW IS important.

Your wayward husband is in a absolute rush to divorce because he has, no doubt, told this OW that he is already separated from a completely loveless and horrible marriage. This OW doesn't know he's married to anyone that cares she is dating him. He wants to get the ball rolling quickly so that the truth will line up sort of with what she's been told.

I don't recommend trying to save your marriage but busting him and exposing OW may just ruin their relationship and if saving your marriage is still a goal...the best shot you've got is by busting the OW, exposing it and letting exposure destroy their relationship. At the very least, perhaps your soon to be ex-husband won't marry or otherwise bring OW around your children and he can repair his relationship with them. If he goes with this OW...they'll likely never forgive him. (and your daughters need to know who OW is so they can protect themselves from her too).

I'm so sorry, Barbie.

Look at the date on these posts of yours. Do you still want this in another four years?

Four years is generous, Indie. Barbie registered in March, 2008 which was 2 years after he cheated in 2006. This has been at least an 8 year ordeal.

He needs to be exposed at work. OW is likely a co-worker and their employer here in Detroit may even fire them both should they get busted. This is why he's so gung ho to hurry along a divorce. IMO, getting him fired is the only chance Barbie has to actually save their marriage. It's the only way he'll wake up to what's truly important in life...his family.

Mr. W

Will anyone be willing to IM??

I have threads you can read to catch up on. please

BC

IM located. Thanks to all who have read this post.

Looking for IM training link.

Here it is >>>>> Intermediary Training School

thank you, LWFH!