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That's why I'm working the program I believe you are. Part of the program is complaining respectfully when ftf does something that bothers you. You simply say "it bothers me that you opened your Facebook account." And avoid comments about fairness. One of the hardest lessons I had to learn early on was that my husband wasn't my enemy. Ftf is not your enemy. You are in this recovery together, on the same side. He will do things that bother you greatly, that seem thoughtless. It is your job to inform him, calmly. but it doesn't bother me that he did it. I just want to do it too
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I don't care if he reopened his account but I should be able to do it too You are bothered by this IB. NEITHER one of you should have Facebook. Have you told him?
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I don't care if he reopened his account but I should be able to do it too You are bothered by this IB. NEITHER one of you should have Facebook. Have you told him? In truth, I do agree that neither of you should have a Facebook account. He is probably at a higher risk of an affair because your marriage is so bad. He should follow the same Eps that you do.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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so i'm suppose to live in this box and watch the world go by outside my window! not fair!
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That's why I'm working the program I believe you are. Part of the program is complaining respectfully when ftf does something that bothers you. You simply say "it bothers me that you opened your Facebook account." And avoid comments about fairness. One of the hardest lessons I had to learn early on was that my husband wasn't my enemy. Ftf is not your enemy. You are in this recovery together, on the same side. He will do things that bother you greatly, that seem thoughtless. It is your job to inform him, calmly. but it doesn't bother me that he did it. I just want to do it too You can't. You know why. And since it bothers you for him to have one when you can't, he shouldn't either. It does bother you, or you wouldn't be talking about it.
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so i'm suppose to live in this box and watch the world go by outside my window! not fair! Being the victim of your affair is not fair. Was that fair to him? You see, all the rest of here have affair proofed our marriages and we do not "live in a box." We have great marriages as a result.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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so i'm suppose to live in this box and watch the world go by outside my window! not fair! I know that feeling all too well. What's supposed to happen is that you fall in love with your husband that you don't WANT to come out of that box -- you want to stay there WITH him and for everybody else to just leave you two alone. Tell him that you don't want him on facebook when you can't have an account, and ask him to close down his account. Then you two need to get back to making lovebank deposits. How is your UA?
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so i'm suppose to live in this box and watch the world go by outside my window! not fair! Being the victim of your affair is not fair. Was that fair to him? You see, all the rest of here have affair proofed our marriages and we do not "live in a box." We have great marriages as a result. so how much longer is the suffering going to last? it's been over 3 yrs already
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so i'm suppose to live in this box and watch the world go by outside my window! not fair! I know that feeling all too well. What's supposed to happen is that you fall in love with your husband that you don't WANT to come out of that box -- you want to stay there WITH him and for everybody else to just leave you two alone. Tell him that you don't want him on facebook when you can't have an account, and ask him to close down his account. Then you two need to get back to making lovebank deposits. How is your UA? I don't really feel like spending time with him actually
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so i'm suppose to live in this box and watch the world go by outside my window! not fair! Being the victim of your affair is not fair. Was that fair to him? You see, all the rest of here have affair proofed our marriages and we do not "live in a box." We have great marriages as a result. so how much longer is the suffering going to last? it's been over 3 yrs already People who are passionately in love are not suffering. My H and I have a great marriage and we practice EPs. So do Markos and Prisca. We are not suffering. How much longer will your husband suffer in this marriage?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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so i'm suppose to live in this box and watch the world go by outside my window! not fair! Being the victim of your affair is not fair. Was that fair to him? You see, all the rest of here have affair proofed our marriages and we do not "live in a box." We have great marriages as a result. so how much longer is the suffering going to last? it's been over 3 yrs already It will last until you are both in a recovered marriage -- which means you are both in love and caring and protecting each other.
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so i'm suppose to live in this box and watch the world go by outside my window! not fair! Being the victim of your affair is not fair. Was that fair to him? You see, all the rest of here have affair proofed our marriages and we do not "live in a box." We have great marriages as a result. so how much longer is the suffering going to last? it's been over 3 yrs already It will last until you are both in a recovered marriage -- which means you are both in love and caring and protecting each other. Amen!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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It's been 3 years of hell for him.
I know it hasn't been all that great for you, either.
Neither one of you can just get over it. You have to actually do things to make it better -- like UA, and eliminating lovebusters.
I would say you still have a problem with disrespectful judgements. Would you agree?
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I don't really feel like spending time with him actually I'm not surprised. I don't blame you, actually. I get it. He probably doesn't feel like spending time with you, either. Both of you have emotions that are telling you to avoid each other, because you make each other miserable. Can you do it, though, to put your marriage back together? For your kids' sake?
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What do you think of this comment from Dr. Harley to your husband? One more affair would certainly end your marriage. So if staying at home to raise your children reduces that likelihood, it would seem to be the least she could do to preserve your marriage
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I don't really feel like spending time with him actually Why all the telegraphic posts? It makes it hard to figure out where you are coming from and is encumbering to those who would like to help you.
me-65
wife-61
married for 40 years
DS - 38, autistic, lives at home
DD - 37, married and on her own
DS - 32, still living with us
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It's been 3 years of hell for him.
I know it hasn't been all that great for you, either.
Neither one of you can just get over it. You have to actually do things to make it better -- like UA, and eliminating lovebusters.
I would say you still have a problem with disrespectful judgements. Would you agree? Why do you say that? Have I made any d's here?
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I don't really feel like spending time with him actually I'm not surprised. I don't blame you, actually. I get it. He probably doesn't feel like spending time with you, either. Both of you have emotions that are telling you to avoid each other, because you make each other miserable. Can you do it, though, to put your marriage back together? For your kids' sake? Is that where UA comes in? because we don't do anything fun
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What do you think of this comment from Dr. Harley to your husband? One more affair would certainly end your marriage. So if staying at home to raise your children reduces that likelihood, it would seem to be the least she could do to preserve your marriage It makes me depressed bc I HATE being at home with the kids! It makes me want to kill myself
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Why do you say that? Have I made any d's here? Yes, you have. Would you like me to point them out to you?
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