Whenever I had a down day, I would look to see if anything had triggered it (sometimes it was just a very innocuous item from my marriage) or if it was just one of the days the rollercoaster dipped some.
I was able to eliminate a lot of triggers in this way and keep down days to a minimum. But you are going to get them. The other down days will only go away with time.
Every down period is followed by an upswing. You learn how to enjoy the upswings and endure the downs - treating them like summer rainstorms. So much so that you are surprised when the downs disappear all together.
I think anyone who endures this and comes out the other side becomes naturally formidable. No matter what future pressures await you will always know how to treat your feelings and anxieties like temporary weather conditions, look past them, hold your nerve, show patience and come out smiling.
I have been triggered. I saw my friend at the store the other day and she kindly told me my WH had a big real estate For Sale sign out the front of his place with photos on the sign.
I tried for days not to look but I went on the real estate website and looked at the photos of our home. It just made me sad to see all the work he had done to our home and there was a photo of him and OW on the bedside table.
I know I shouldn't have looked at the website but I couldn't help it. I knew it was going to make me upset yet I still looked.
My friend who told me about the sign, she actually lives in the same suburb as where my WH has bought his new house. So I am not going to go to her house anymore. It will upset me too much to go to that suburb knowng my WH is moving there. It's not my friend's fault but I just can't go there anymore. If she is a good friend, she will understand and we can meet elsewhere.
I don't really see her a lot anymore anyway so I don't think it will be a problem.
So I want to make some goals for the next 6 months. I want to heal. I want to try and get over him and be feeling a lot better in 6 months time. Then after that, I will focus on the next 6 months.
I need some ideas for a few weeks time when my divorce will probably be final. I need some ideas how to deal with this. This is going to be hard.
I hope I can come out the other side and be formidable too!