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Well, both of you have been advised to seek anti depressants for more than a year! When you are depressed, the glass is always half empty I finally have an appointment for Thursday morning. I believe I may have just as big a problem with anxiety. Although I have been reading, and anxiety and depression sometimes go together. I've been having some scary symptoms lately like heart palpitations. It's freaking me out, but I think it's just stress. Fc is scheduled to see her doctor tomorrow. That's good news, FTF. Although if you feel anything like I did before I saw a doctor about ADs, you are probably feeling very worried and anxious. Hang in there, FTF. This is going to get better.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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I started lifting weights in January for the first time in over 15 years. One of the things that I had issues with in the past was with motivation and results.
This time around I started with the Stronglifts 5x5 system. It is a simple workout that has you rotating between 5 basic lifts 3 times a week. You can get in and out of the gym in under 45 minutes.
I found myself seeing results that I have never seen before. I didn't do before measurements, but I gained at least an inch on my arms, and I am already lifting a lot of weight. I just recently started to plateau and shifted to a different workout, but I would recommend the Stronglifts for a beginner.
Me DH33
Her DW33
DS3
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DD9
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That's good news, FTF. Although if you feel anything like I did before I saw a doctor about ADs, you are probably feeling very worried and anxious.
Hang in there, FTF. This is going to get better. I'm extremely worried and anxious. To the point I am freaking out. I keep trying to tell myself it's all in my head but I am finding myself worrying I'm going to pass out or have a heart attack or something. That just releases adrenaline. I can feel the rush and then that makes me freak out even more. It's an awful feeling. I think I'm probably physically OK because if there is something that forces me to not think about anything else, I seem fine. For example, yesterday, I had to really focus on something at work and I forgot all about it for 30 minutes or so. But that doesn't offer relief for very long. I really hope I get some help tomorrow.
Me (42)
Her (43) - feuillecouleur
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I started lifting weights in January for the first time in over 15 years. One of the things that I had issues with in the past was with motivation and results.
This time around I started with the Stronglifts 5x5 system. It is a simple workout that has you rotating between 5 basic lifts 3 times a week. You can get in and out of the gym in under 45 minutes.
I found myself seeing results that I have never seen before. I didn't do before measurements, but I gained at least an inch on my arms, and I am already lifting a lot of weight. I just recently started to plateau and shifted to a different workout, but I would recommend the Stronglifts for a beginner. Last time I used Mark Rippetoe's "Starting Strength". It's very similar.
Me (42)
Her (43) - feuillecouleur
DS(11)
DD(7)
Married: June 24, 2000
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This is all good news, FTF. I'm glad to see that you are reaching out for help.
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I'm also glad to see that FC is going to her doctor, too!
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FC saw her doctor today and was prescribed some ADs. The doctor told FC that she believes FC's problem is lack of sleep.
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I'm extremely worried and anxious. To the point I am freaking out. I keep trying to tell myself it's all in my head but I am finding myself worrying I'm going to pass out or have a heart attack or something. That just releases adrenaline. I can feel the rush and then that makes me freak out even more. It's an awful feeling.
I think I'm probably physically OK because if there is something that forces me to not think about anything else, I seem fine. For example, yesterday, I had to really focus on something at work and I forgot all about it for 30 minutes or so. But that doesn't offer relief for very long. I really hope I get some help tomorrow. AD will help with anxiety. Particulary the SSRIs at higher doses, but they can have pretty noticable sexual side effects. Wellbutrin (which has low side effects) can make anxiety much worse. Be very clear with your doc about the anxiety. I went through several medications before I found the right Rx. I was reluctant at first but Dr. Harley was insistant I find the right meds. Made all the difference.
Me: BH, 36 Military Officer
FWS: 36, repeat offender
Married: Valentine's Day 1998
DD-15/ DS-10
Almost recovered and ahead of schedule
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AD will help with anxiety. Particulary the SSRIs at higher doses, but they can have pretty noticable sexual side effects. Wellbutrin (which has low side effects) can make anxiety much worse. Be very clear with your doc about the anxiety.
I went through several medications before I found the right Rx. I was reluctant at first but Dr. Harley was insistant I find the right meds. Made all the difference. The anxiety is kind of a mystery for me. While I understand why it might be happening, at the same time I don't. Maybe it's because I'm feeling more and more desperate? It seems worse now than it did 3 years ago, which seems kind of backwards to me, like it should be getting better, not worse the further into time we go.
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Her (43) - feuillecouleur
DS(11)
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Maybe it's because I'm feeling more and more desperate? Maybe so. Also our brains are constantly creating new signal pathways. The more you let your brain do what it's doing, the more bandwidth those pathways have. Medications will help shut those pathways down for you to create new ones. That's why most docs suggest you stay on the AD for a full year AFTER you feel better. This is how it was explained to me and seems to make sense. Emotional issues, left untreated, do get worse with time...not better.
Me: BH, 36 Military Officer
FWS: 36, repeat offender
Married: Valentine's Day 1998
DD-15/ DS-10
Almost recovered and ahead of schedule
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My doctor explained anxiety to me this way: at first the body and brain react to stimuli in the environment. The reactions bring about symptoms such as racing thoughts and heart palpitations in the case of anxiety. After a while the brain creates pathways between the neurons and no stimulus is needed to bring about the anxiety reactions.
I took Lexapro, which unfortunately, caused me to have some undesirable sexual side effects. I worked with my doctor to take the least amount possible and still have the anxiety symptoms controlled. The medicine very much helped those problems, and I was weaned off and haven't been on them in several years.
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Oddly enough, my doctor felt that Lexapro had a minimum of side effects. He didn't expect there to be any sexual side effects. I do think it suppressed my drive somewhat. In the end I was on it for a short enough time it didn't have time to be a big issue.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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My doctor didn't tell me about the possibility of that side effect, because not everyone experiences it. I'm glad she didn't tell me, because I didn't have any negative expectations.
When I started to experience some challenges in that area and couldn't figure out why, I researched it and found that sexual problems are sometimes a problem for patients.
Either way, a good medicine can be so helpful that it's worth the potential side effects, especially since it's not necessary to take it forever.
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Oddly enough, my doctor felt that Lexapro had a minimum of side effects. He didn't expect there to be any sexual side effects. I do think it suppressed my drive somewhat. In the end I was on it for a short enough time it didn't have time to be a big issue. I've heard Dr Harley recommend Welbutrin many many times, but have yet to see anyone here prescribed it. I wonder why? FC's doc gave her zoloft. I have no idea what they will give me if anything. That's why most docs suggest you stay on the AD for a full year AFTER you feel better. That sounds a lot longer than a few months.
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My doctor didn't tell me about the possibility of that side effect, because not everyone experiences it. I'm glad she didn't tell me, because I didn't have any negative expectations. I've read that depression also lowers drive, so the positive effect of feeling less depressed may cancel out the negatives of the drug.
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If a person is suffering from anxiety, a doctor will not prescribe Wellbutrin. Wellbutrin can work great for depression, though. My H took Wellbutrin with great success when he was deeply depressed from work stress. He's no longer on it. It caused him no problems at all. It doesn't always work, but it's a good place to start.
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My doctor didn't tell me about the possibility of that side effect, because not everyone experiences it. I'm glad she didn't tell me, because I didn't have any negative expectations. I've read that depression also lowers drive, so the positive effect of feeling less depressed may cancel out the negatives of the drug. Yes, that's true. In spite of the downside of the medicine, the benefit was much greater, and in time, the medicine was no longer needed.
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I've heard Dr Harley recommend Welbutrin many many times, but have yet to see anyone here prescribed it. I wonder why? FC's doc gave her zoloft. I have no idea what they will give me if anything. I took Welbutrin for a while but saw little difference. At the time, however, I was dealing with an active affair so the constant emotional onslaught never abated. I think I was under the mistaken assumption that the pills would just make it all better and that I could just ignore everything that was going on around me. Ha, if only it were that easy!  Who knows, your mileage may vary as they say. It's worth a shot, I've heard of others seeing benefits from the medication.
Me (BH)
FWW
Married 2000, DS 8, DD 6, DD 2
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That sounds a lot longer than a few months. It certainly is depending on the person. I'm off now after six months and doing okay (still get a little anxious). Not everyone experiences the same side effects (or any). My sex drive didn't change at all nor did I experience any ED. I had delayed orgasm. While that may be good for some folks, it got quite frustrating. I was on wellbutrin first, which did not work at all. It made the "highs" higher but did nothing for the "lows", the swing in mood was worse than not taking anything. Then I got on Zoloft which brought up the "lows" without moving the "highs".
Me: BH, 36 Military Officer
FWS: 36, repeat offender
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DD-15/ DS-10
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If a person is suffering from anxiety, a doctor will not prescribe Wellbutrin. I did read that somewhere. Makes sense.
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