But there is no need to show respect if both are the same.

We can all see what you said and you lied. Anyway, the moderators have moved you to the correct forum, I see, which is the dating forum. Good luck...

It has nothing to do with religion so you can drop the religious bigotry.

As I understand it, Australia is the same as the UK, in that only same sex couples can enter civil unions. I can't find any information that shows that civil unions are legally available to opposite sex couples in Australia.

If that is the case, the legal dissolution of your relationship should be even easier than in the case of a legal civil partnership.

So, it's not so much that Australia does not have the same "religious conservatism that promotes social pressure to stay in marriages that the US does". It's that there would be no social pressure on your partner to stay in your relationship because you both made it clear that it was a renter relationship, by publicly refusing to commit to a marriage.

"Society" won't take your relationship seriously, because you both did not.

No I didn't lie. And writing in big red letters only proves your intellectual inabilty to justify how.

There is no difference in our community for the sanctity of either piece of paper. There was no difference in the cognitive understanding of what kind of relationship we had, or were formalising.

There was no deceit or intention to deceive anyone on my behalf. The issue is your definition of what married means.

For the purposes of a discussion on why our relationship ended, the dynamics, potential solutions, etc , we were / are married.

It's just an administrative difference not a cognitive one. It would have made no material affect on anything if we signed a different piece of paper.

End of story.

Whatever

Your "wife" demonstrated how seriously she took your commitment ceremony by leaving you three months after it was held.

We were puzzled all along, as was Dr Harley, about why a woman would go through with a marriage, having lived with a man for six years, only to leave it a mere three months later. We asked repeatedly what had happened to cause her to stay for so long, only to leave so quickly. Your answers about your neglect never made sense, because if you were neglecting her within the last three months, you must have been doing so before, and yet she appeared to have married you despite this neglect. Surely nobody would put themselves through the legal horror of divorce if they had known three months ago that they were unhappy - which she must have done? Nothing had come crashing down on your relationship only in the last three months.

It all makes sense now, to discover that all you had had was a specially-designed "commitment ceremony" - apparently, not even a full civil union, since that does not appear to be available to you. She went through with the ceremony because it meant little to her, and would be easy to walk away from. She didn't see herself as committing to anything by going through with it.

Well, it is interesting to me that I haven't called you a liar, and have, indeed, try to draw you out on the "cognitive" differences between marriage and a "commitment ceremony", and that this is your response.

Endlessly on this forum, we discuss Dr Harley's concepts of "buyers, renters and freeloaders". We explore the difference that these attitudes make to marriage, and each spouse's willingness to work through their problems and avoid causing each other unhappiness, including by neglecting the other spouse or by having an affair. Your thread is too long for me to read back over now, but I would guess that we talked about these issues with you. If not, you could have read other threads and seen how important the concepts are to using the Marriage Builders programme.

For you to come back to my points about the difference in status between marriage and "ceremonies" with the response "whatever", shows that you do not value marriage, any more than your former partner does.

Interesting that someone who insists he is "married" proceeds to denigrate the institution of marriage by equating it to just a piece of paper; a big nothing. I will treat your relationship the same way.

Bottom line is that you deceived the forum, deceived Dr Harley, and accepted wrong advice based on the wrong set of facts. You can call me dumb for pointing out the deceit, but we know the difference between dating and being married. And we know what a lie is. You lied.

DING DING DING

x1000

My thoughts exactly. More than slightly inconsistent for you to avoid marriage out of a civil protest of it being denied to others, and then to tell all of us it means nothing. Can't have it both ways. At best it's a convenient argument for you and at worst it's intellectual dishonesty.

Deja, the only consistency in this entire thread is that you know more than the rest of us about nearly any issue that is raised.

We've seen ten thousand situations like this, advise you to do X. You come back and say "NO, X won't work because my situation is different". There's like 4 or 5 different issues I can think of where you have rejected sound advice out of the notion that we really don't know what we're talking about as well as you do. It hasn't been explicitly stated but that's been the clear subtext.

Good luck my friend, you're going to need it. Husbands who come here so unwilling to learn anything or even grasp at some humility don't seem to fare well. This last little discussion about the status of your relationship and the attitude that you cop towards other posters here is just the icing on the cake. You're on plan Deja and there's no point in any of the rest of us talking to you, because that's the only plan you intend to follow.

You can't have both. You are either married or you are not. In a real marriage, there is no doubt or wishy-washyness.

In light of this news, it is time to accept that your ex-girlfriend has decided to make good on the benefits of non-marriage, and you should respect that by leaving her alone.

Re-reading this thread in light of this knowledge, this is a woman who wasn't ready to commit to you, and moved too fast with you, and is now trying to break free of that. Not uncommon with DV survivors.

Consider that you may be selfish to keep trying to force this relationship.

If it is exactly the same as being married, then why is it that you can walk away and not have to wait 12 months? Answer: Because you are not actually married.

This thread makes sense now. It was obvious that you were both renters, and now we know why. Your "wife" has actually done nothing wrong. She is just moving on to a better situation. That is what renters do.

It also makes sense that Deja was so aggressive with us on this forum but appeared to be completely frozen in the headlights in taking any steps to uncover the affair or fight for his marriage.

Now we know why; she was not having an affair and he did not have a marriage. Yes, in that situation I would have been afraid of a harassment suit too.

Why do people who shack up expect to enjoy the privileges of marriage without the bonds and responsibility of a life-long commitment?

It's sad because that bond and that commitment is so much more deeply fulfilling, powerful, and meaningful.

But in this post modern world that we live in, instant gratification and the "if it feels good do it" philosophy have denied a generation of true happiness. Commitment should not be the fetter that shackles our freedom and stifles our individuality. And what is a piece of paper anyway?

I see it with so many of my nephews and nieces, and I feel badly for them.

Whatever happened to commitment? ***EDIT***

Just have a question. So, in your and same sex marriages, what would be the point similar to divorce in legal marriages?

The ceremony is the start of the "marriage", what is the end?

I am confused with that concept... For couple living together, the end comes at the moment they separate. For married people at the moment they legally get divorced.

Is your wife still your wife? Or already ex-wife?

The other comment... If you know you legally entitled to bigger settlement, the simple way is to do it legally.