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Unfortunately, isn't that a de facto Plan B, imposed by your WW? As far as I know, Plan B is no contact with my spouse. And, I typically do not contact him, he is the one contacting me when he wants. The problem with plan B is when he comes ere in 3 weeks I will have to speak to him. I have decided to just try my best to keep calm, go to work, and most likely he will be asking me to go with him to take care of documents. I don't know if I can just ignore his requests and just let him take care of business while I do not do anything. If any of these documents require my presence or signature I would have to be there. I don't know what to do. You are completely misunderstanding this. You need to read Dr Harley's articles on the site.
Plan B involves a separation. He cannot live at your house. You cannot have no contact with someone if he lives with you, and it is not "no contact" if he is able to contact you when he wants, as he can right now.
You need to read about how to Plan B properly. You are not alone in not fully grasping Plan B. There are several people that don't understand it right away. Educate yourself reading Doctor Harley's literature. Read BrainHurts link and maybe read this one too: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html
Last edited by WrestlerChemist; 02/24/16 02:02 PM.
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Yes I suppose - but I am not in Plan B. Do not confuse Plan B for my wife refusing to communicate with me.
Plan B is Betrayed spouse going into no contact. My wife is just being stubborn, I am still in Plan A.
Lets not Hijack Needs thread. Sorry, you are correct.
Me-BH, 47
Spouse-WW, 47
Married for 18 years
DS, 11
D-Day #1 - November 1998 (7 months after wedding)
False Recovery, 16 years
D-Day #2 - November 2015
WW filed for D - February 2016
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How long have you been married? married 12 years, together 13 years. Pretty much, he has been in the military for all these years with a gap of several years out of the military. I am in school. We do not own anything because I want to finish with school and get a job before we settle down. You may have a claim to his retirement. He likely wants you tosign this away. Do not. You should at least have a consultation with an attorney prior to your husband's visit. Personally, i think you should go into Plan B and refuse to see him u til he ends he affair and is willing to reconcile.
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I was thinking may be I could talk to friends and stay at their place during the time my husband will be here. That way he cannot serve me the papers.
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I was reading. If you have been married for at least 10 of the years he was in the military, you have a claim on his pension. I suspect the divorce and paper requesting you renounce all claim to his pension are forthcoming.
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You should go to Plan B, then. You have been here for more than 3 weeks, your H want allow you to Plan A -- it is time for Plan B.
Women are not encouraged to remain in Plan A for more than 3 weeks because of the effect it has on their mental health. Have you read about Plan B yet? As far as I know, Plan B is no contact with my spouse. And, I typically do not contact him, he is the one contacting me when he wants. The problem with plan B is when he comes ere in 3 weeks I will have to speak to him. I have decided to just try my best to keep calm, go to work, and most likely he will be asking me to go with him to take care of documents. I don't know if I can just ignore his requests and just let him take care of business while I do not do anything. If any of these documents require my presence or signature I would have to be there. I don't know what to do. I very much agree with the others that you should go into Plan B. I would not allow him into your home and would not sign anything or speak to him. If he wants to "take care of some documents" he can do that on his own. Please read up on Plan B. Are you familiar with it?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I read the article before, and what I understood is I should not interact with him at all, not contact him until the affair has completely ended.
Quote: "So before implementing plan B, you want to be sure that the last thing your spouse remembers about you is the care and thoughtfulness you offered in plan A. That way, the separation can help create, "absence makes the heart grow fonder."
He has not seen me for months and when he saw me we were fighting and arguing about this. He does not remember care and thoughtfulness. How can I keep him out of the apartment? We need to do taxes together, and I need his ID. May be just file separately?
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I was reading. If you have been married for at least 10 of the years he was in the military, you have a claim on his pension. I suspect the divorce and paper requesting you renounce all claim to his pension are forthcoming. He was Guard for most of the years and just recently (2 years ago) got Active Duty. I think there is a difference between being Guard and AD. I dis not understand your last sentence.
Last edited by needinput; 02/24/16 03:01 PM.
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I very much agree with the others that you should go into Plan B. I would not allow him into your home and would not sign anything or speak to him. If he wants to "take care of some documents" he can do that on his own.
Please read up on Plan B. Are you familiar with it? An attorney told me that if I am physically served papers I have a legal obligation to sign them. Then, I have to file a legal response within 30 days.
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I very much agree with the others that you should go into Plan B. I would not allow him into your home and would not sign anything or speak to him. If he wants to "take care of some documents" he can do that on his own.
Please read up on Plan B. Are you familiar with it? An attorney told me that if I am physically served papers I have a legal obligation to sign them. Then, I have to file a legal response within 30 days. What state are you from? I had 28 days to respond - if your husband files on incompatibility, you simply seek an attorney and you respond with a disagreement.
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I read the article before, and what I understood is I should not interact with him at all, not contact him until the affair has completely ended.
Quote: "So before implementing plan B, you want to be sure that the last thing your spouse remembers about you is the care and thoughtfulness you offered in plan A. That way, the separation can help create, "absence makes the heart grow fonder."
He has not seen me for months and when he saw me we were fighting and arguing about this. He does not remember care and thoughtfulness. How can I keep him out of the apartment? We need to do taxes together, and I need his ID. May be just file separately? Your plan B letter should be the last thing that he hears from you. In it you convey thoughtfulness and care so that is the last thing he remembers. And until you go into pLan B, your communication should be respectful while you demand he ends his affair. You don't need to see him in person to do that. In your Plan B letter you would ask him to not come home and to send any pertinent information through a designated intermediary.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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And yes, you can file taxes separately.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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All this **** happening and wasting my time because of an affair. Goes to show you how these wayward people are not thinking straight and live in a bubble.
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Ok,I need a summary here:
1. Contact IG
2. Contact commander personally
3. Send a plan B letter, in which I request he ends the affair and not come back home until he ends it
4. Go no contact until he ends the affair (How do I know he has ended it?)
By the way, he WILL be coming home - that is for sure. I KNOW he will be coming home no matter my request. So he can be sending me the divorce papers through the intermediary then.
Last edited by needinput; 02/24/16 03:12 PM.
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You may have to sign a document saying you receivedthe papers. You dont have to sign the papers, themselves. There are no papers or business he can bring that would be in your best interest. Start setting up your plan B today so you can send the letter by this weekend.
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He will be staying outside the apartment waiting for me to come back home and will force himself in. I know this. Change the locks or not. If, and I am not sure if, I can stay at a friends house this time and I do not see him then he can get a leave another time and come home without telling me.
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You may have to sign a document saying you receivedthe papers. You dont have to sign the papers, themselves. There are no papers or business he can bring that would be in your best interest. Start setting up your plan B today so you can send the letter by this weekend. Yes, but like the attorney told me I am legally obligated to respond to his divorce claim within 30 days of signing that I have receive the papers. Can I just NOT sign that I have received the papers?
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F he is there when you arrive, call the police.
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Respond on day 30 if you want to delay. Divorce generally takes a minimum of 6 months if both parties agree about everything.
Be prepared to countersue. He will probably cite irreconcilable difference. You can cite the affair. People may tell you it will mak no difference to the divorce but IIWY I would want the truthinthe legal record.
Last edited by apples123; 02/24/16 03:24 PM.
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