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SAB2 Offline OP
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H everyone,

Background
5 years ago my D (21 at the time) got involved with a serial cheater 20 years her senior while she was living with me. She has no other family but me. He admitted to more than one affair in 5 years of marriage. I exposed the affair. I told her to give him up or move out. She did. I assisted his wife with evidence during their divorce. I've had no contact with her until the divorce was final. I still don't have contact with him. Our relationship as a result has been strained since.

Although he's almost 50 y/o, he acts like a teenage boy verbally and intellectually. I know how he treats a wife. He openly disrespects me.

Now at 26 5 years later, she wants to marry him. She wants me to accept him and their marriage or end our relationship.

To my knowledge he has not cheated on my daughter. However, she had commented that other women hit on him. To me that means he's sending signals. She claims she doesn't me because I don't trust him. Being around him, has not been good for my health.

They seem to be a package deal. I'm torn whether to accept this man into my life to keep my D in my life or let her go. I know she will need me. It's only a matter of time.

Any thoughts?

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Originally Posted by SAB2
H everyone,
Now at 26 5 years later, she wants to marry him. She wants me to accept him and their marriage or end our relationship.

To my knowledge he has not cheated on my daughter. However, she had commented that other women hit on him. To me that means he's sending signals. She claims she doesn't me because I don't trust him. Being around him, has not been good for my health.

They seem to be a package deal. I'm torn whether to accept this man into my life to keep my D in my life or let her go. I know she will need me. It's only a matter of time.

Any thoughts?


My worst nightmare is that one of my daughters who are now 26 and 29 marries a serial adulterer because that was all they knew growing up. Why not send this question to Dr Harley on the radio show? He will have suggestions on how to navigate this very delicate situation.


3 adult children
Divorced - he was a serial adulterer
Now remarried, thank you MB
(formerly lied_to_again)
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Thank you Living Well. I appreciate your suggestion. I felt I couldn't be the only parent out there.

Dr. Harley, can you help?

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Email your questions to Joyce Harley at mbradio@marriagebuilders.com. When your email question is chosen to be answered on the radio show, you will be notified by email directing you to listen to the rebroadcast. If you would like to consider being a caller, include your telephone number. You will be called by us to explain the procedure to you. Every caller will receive a complementary book by Dr. Harley that addresses their question.


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Was your DD dating him while he was still married?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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I emailed the Harleys. Yes, Brainhurts. My DD was the OW.

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Any other advice in the meantime?

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Originally Posted by SAB2
Being around him, has not been good for my health.

If he is bad for your health, you should go NC with him to protect yourself.

I also would be extremely unhappy if someone my age, moreover a serial cheater, would want to marry my child.

To have a chance, they needs to implement EPs from day 1.




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I have gone NC with him so far. That's what hurting my daughter and our relationship.

My DD claims they are on the same level.

Age isn't the issue for me. Him acting like a teenage boy is. "It's time to grow up. Act your age." keeps playing my head. A 26 year old woman acting younger because she's dealing with trauma is not the same as middle-aged man acting the same way.

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Hi,

Haven't heard anything from the Harleys yet. Could really use some help with this.

I have gone NC with DD's boyfriend. However, my DD now says it's hurting her to continue this way. They are no longer in an affair. Now DD thinking of marrying him after 5 years together.

NOTE: OH knew wife for 3 before marriage. In only 5 years of marriage. Admitted to at least 2 affairs, including with my daughter. Divorce final a few years ago.

Anyone else?


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Is your DD saying if you don't have contact with her wayward fianc� that she won't have contact with you?

What makes her so sure he won't cheat on her? Has he changed his lifestyle?

Send the email to the Harley's again. Sometimes they get so many emails.


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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I've asked her what makes her so sure. She's convinced it won't happen to her. She tells me this has no impact on me so it's none of business. I disagree. Anything that affect my relationship with her is my business.

She's already mentioned that other women try to proposition him. That says to me, he's sending signals.

In her opinion, the two of them are a package deal. What I say about him i say about her. That I cam to love her unconditional yet judge her for her choice to be with him. She hasn't confirmed it yet but I suggested that what she saying is she wants the people she loves to get along. When they don't it hurts her. So she claims that me no having contact with this man is hurting her. So if I don't accept him completely then my love is conditional.

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Have you read what Dr. Harley says about unconditional love?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Thanks for the link

I agree. I'm her Mom. She's part of me. I can love my DD whether I agree, disagree or agree to disagree with her behaviour.

I know she must choose her own path. Whatever path that is, with me or without me, I still love her.

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Still no reply from the Harleys. Any suggestions? Surely I can't be the only parent out there in this situation.

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It sounded like your question was answered on the radio show earlier this week. It was, at minimum, a similar story.


Married to Pearlseeker for 13 yrs
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I didn't hear the radio show this week. What did they say?

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Did anybody hear the show buildsherhouse is talking about? Could really use the help. What did the Harleys say?

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Originally Posted by SAB2
Did anybody hear the show buildsherhouse is talking about? Could really use the help. What did the Harleys say?
Did you write the Harleys again?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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